Sakura's Moronic Best Friends
by OfPaintAndOil
Summary: Naruto and Sasuke have a habit of kidnapping Sakura. Usually, this isn't horrible, but this time the morons take her to the one place she refuses to go to: the Uchiha mansion. So the morons better run now, because if she's still alive after the perverted advances of the Uchihas and the Akatsuki, she's gonna kill them. Sakuraxharem. Present day, AU. Rated T. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

* * *

"I swear to God, Naruto, if you don't put me down in five freakin' seconds I am going to find all of your ramen and _set it on_ _fire_."

_Calm,_ Sakura reminded herself, _you are calm and not angry and not about to shove the sharpest item she could find up Naruto's_–

"BUT. BUT. SAKURA-CHAAAAA-"

"One."

She was just minding her own goddamn business. Sleeping. She had been sleeping, and it was around three in the fucking morning when these two buffoons she called her best friends (soon to be ex-best-friends, possibly dead-ex-best-friends) had _broken into_ her apartment.

"Hn."

What's worse was that Sakura knew that both Naruto and Sasuke had a key. _Both_ of them. She had specifically given them both a key so they could let themselves in whenever they wanted. Because that's what best friends did.

But, apparently, these two utter _moron_s thought the definition of best friends was to crawl through an open window while said best friend was sleeping oh-so peacefully after a twelve hour shift at the hospital and loudly pull her from her slumber, literally carrying her out her door into the waiting running car outside.

"Two."

She only prayed at least one of them was smart enough to lock the door behind them.

"Dobe."

Sakura sincerely doubted it though. Because, really, she was beginning to honest-to-god question the amount of brain cells between the two of them.

"Three."

"TEME! WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON!?"

Sakura could feel the vein pop in her forehead.

"SASUKE-TEME IS THE ONE WHO CRASHED YOUR VASE WHEN WE CRAWLED THROUGH THE WINDOW, THOUGH!"

Ah. So that was the crash she had heard.

_Deep breath,_ Sakura reminded herself. _In through the nose, out through the mouth . . . _

After the two morons (because that was what Sakura had come to the conclusion to rename them both as, since the thought of their actual names sent a whole new kind of rage through her) kidnapped her and driven away, both studiously deciding to ignore her questions/threats of castration, and Sakura, being too tired to really care at the time, had fallen asleep once more in the backseat.

She was sorely regretting that decision.

She had woken up in Naruto's arms, which wasn't _that_ bad, but what was worse was where they now were.

The fucking Uchiha mansion.

Oh, _hell_ no.

Naruto – the poor sap – apparently had not wanted to wake her (oh, the irony) and face her wrath, so had instead gathered her up in his arms and started walking into the mansion. It wasn't like she was particularly heavy, anyways.

The downside to this decision was that he and his neon orange jacket was the first thing Sakura saw upon waking, and therefore the target of her fury.

They were still in the long ass driveway to the mansion, so Sakura thought she still had a chance at escape. She just had to make sure those insufferable relatives of Sasuke's didn't see her.

Because, truth be told, getting kidnapped by Naruto and Sasuke wasn't the worst thing they'd ever done to Sakura. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Sure, she would be mightily pissed off with them both, but when they did it, typically they had a decent reason. After a long period of nothing but hospital shifts and ten second meals in-between and possibly a dead patient, Sakura would get a few days off (meaning Naruto would bother the hospital staff while Sasuke pulled his annoying family connections to somehow, miraculously, get Sakura some paid time off) and the next thing she knew, Sakura was getting pulled into an unmarked van and taken to one of the Uchiha resorts.

It wasn't a bad deal, all things considered.

Well. As long as the whole being kidnapped at random times and thrown into strange vehicles didn't bother you much.

In fact, Sakura was almost positive the bastards enjoyed it.

What Sakura had a problem with, however, was when they disturbed her much needed sleep. The sleep both of them had been on her case about getting for the last few weeks.

When Sakura had gone into work yesterday morning, she wasn't all that shocked when she was told to take some mandatory time off. Was glad for it, even.

Sakura had even given up on trying to talk Naruto and Sasuke into calmly, normally asking Sakura to get into the unmarked van. They tuned her out and whenever she brought it up, they'd just get a creepy-ass smirk on both their faces, no doubt replaying some of the more creative kidnappings in their minds.

But the one thing she had truly put her foot down for was the Uchiha mansion.

They could whisk her off anywhere _but_ the Uchiha mansion. Other countries, odd-ball resorts, random ramen shops a few towns over, _whatever_. Sakura didn't care.

It wasn't that Sakura had anything against Sasuke's home. It was the most beautiful home she had ever seen, really. Three stories high, surrounded by forest, and the longest ass driveway Sakura had ever had the displeasure of hiking up.

What Sakura had a problem with was Sasuke's family.

Bat-shit crazy, all of them. She'd had the displeasure of meeting them all when she was in high school and Sasuke had invited both her and Naruto over to do a school project. Sure, she'd been over to his house before, but she'd just never met all his family before. It was an insanely large home, after all. You could live in the same house with someone your whole life and never actually see them, Sakura thought. Which was maybe the point.

Looking back at it now, Sakura had realized the sudden appearance of every Uchiha that day was largely due to Mikoto's talking about her during a family dinner one night.

Sakura still didn't know the full details of what was said by Mikoto – Sasuke was annoyingly tight lipped about it all – but whatever it was, it got the attention of every Uchiha on the premises.

One thing lead to another, perverted comments had been tossed out, and a punch had been landed onto one Madara Uchiha (who, apparently, was untouchable) that might-have-sorta-kinda left a dent in the wall where he had been punched into.

It wasn't like they couldn't afford the repair, anyways.

And all of a sudden five wide-eyed Uchihas and one dumbstruck Uzumaki had been staring at Sakura, who had just shrugged, apologized to Mikoto for the damage in the wall (conveniently leaving out the damage to Madara) – who had a look of awe and what appeared to be admiration in her eyes, promptly waving off her apology – before Sakura took her leave.

Sakura had been back to the mansion since then, thinking the Uchihas would keep their distance, but had been disturbed to only find that all of them had slowly begun an admiration, then attraction, then all-out obsession towards the pinkette, and thus begun to suddenly pop out of nowhere every time she showed up.

The only two people who'd been more displeased than her about this were Sasuke and Naruto, who'd done their best to shield her from the perverted advances from Sasuke's family.

So why in fuck's name were they dragging her to this hell?

"Five," Sakura growled out.

Naruto unceremoniously dropped Sakura on the couch and ran away, hiding behind Sasuke. He'd been making a bee-line for the front door of the mansion and then the living area ever since Sakura woke up and threatened to burn all of his ramen. Honestly, Sakura was impressed that Naruto hadn't immediately caved the second she had mentioned death to his ramen and ran to hide it all from her.

Sakura was spitting fire. "Da _fuck_ do you two morons think you're doing!? Have you completely lost your _minds_?"

"Sakura–" Sasuke started, holding his hands up in a mean-no-harm gesture and taking miniscule steps backwards, the most his Uchiha pride would allow him to do in the face of her white-hot rage. Naruto looked to be cowering and whimpering behind him.

But Sakura wasn't hearing it. She was in panic mode now, a just-get-out-alive mode. Every one of her senses was screaming _danger, danger, hormonal men alert!_

Because that was the problem – the Uchiha men just didn't take a hint. For whatever fucked up reason Sakura couldn't make sense of, they all seemed to like it when she threw them into a wall or punched them so hard they couldn't see straight.

At first, she had thought it was because she was the first female to ever resist their charm, but after so many years and one too many _random_ appearances from them all when she was out-and-about during the day – or that one horrid time Shisui had shown up at the hospital, dressed in a wig and peel off mustache, complaining about pain _down there_ and demanding Sakura to take a look at it – she had just come to realize there was no other reason for their attention besides the fact they were all sick-sons-of-bitches and somewhat sadists.

Sakura was sprinting towards the door. But the door to her freedom was down a long corridor, because the fates just hate her and was making this just as difficult as possible. And because Sakura inherited her poor luck from her teacher, Tsunade, she wasn't quick enough to dodge the flying blob of orange coming her way.

"SAKURA-CHHAAAANNN! SAKURA-CHAN CAME TO VISIT TOBI! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY AND BECAUSE TOBI IS A GOOD BOY SAKURA-CHAN FINALLY CAME TO VISIT OUT OF HER OWN FREE WILL!"

Well. She wouldn't exactly say _free will_.

"Tobi–" Sakura started, unable to get the right amount of oxygen to her lungs and brain because of the hug he had her wrapped up in.

"SAKURA-CHAN! My love! You have finally succumbed to my advances, have you? I knew it was only a matter of time, my love! Come, let us leave these cretins behind and–"

"Uncle. Be quiet."

"So cruel, Itachi-kun! You're just jealous that Sakura-chan has chosen me!"

"Sakura-chan would never choose an old pervert like you!"

Tobi. Madara. Itachi. Shisui.

_Shit shit shit shit._

Sakura saw her life flash before her eyes. By which, she meant, she saw the mixture of black and red eyes flash in front of her, multiple pairs of hands trying to weasel her out of Tobi's embrace. Honestly, Sakura wasn't sure what would be worse – staying in Tobi's arms and dying of suffocation or having the men around her actually get her free and out in the open.

At least one of them was able to find purchase in Tobi's hold on her, because the next thing Sakura knew she was standing on her own two feet, backed into a corner and completely surrounded by Uchiha males.

But that was actually the least of her worries right then. Because Itachi shouldn't be home. He should be away at college.

And if he was here, then that meant _they_ were here, too.

Sakura started seeing spots.

"IS THAT FINE ASS BITCH HERE!?"

Oh, _god_.

"SAKURA-CHAN IS HERE, YEAH?!"

"SHUT IT, BLONDIE! THE ONLY ONE THAT'S GETTING THEIR HANDS ON THE BITCH IS ME."

"Hey squirt, I'm surprised you would risk your life in coming here, but I'm sure glad to see ya."

"Hello, Sakura-san. What brings you here?"

"Sakura, you're looking as radiant as ever. I could just **eat you up**."

"Hello, doll. I see you've taken my advice and begun to grow your hair out. It will look so perfect will this dress I saw in the store the other day . . ."

"So tell me, how much did those two moronic friends of yours pay you to come here?"

Suffice it to say Sakura was panicking. But she was tough as steel (and she also knew her fear would only turn on a few of the men around her, the sick fucks) so she didn't show a damn thing on her face.

Instead, she did the next logical thing.

"NARUTO UZUMAKI. SASUKE UCHIHA." She made eye-contact with them both past the crowd of hormonal Uchihas and Itachi's group of friends/gang called the Akatsuki and took pride in the way they both flinched. "YOU'RE DEAD."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto

* * *

"You have ten seconds," Sakura hissed to Naruto and Sasuke. "Explain to me why I'm here, _now_."

"But, love–" Madara Uchiha started, studiously ignoring the glare Sakura was aiming his way, "–aren't you glad to see your future husband?"

Somehow, Sakura and the rest of the males in the house had found their way to the living area again. Sakura was sitting on the couch, plastered so tightly against the arm of it so as to put as much space between her and the eldest Uchiha that had somehow squirmed his way into the spot next to her (in fact, Sakura idly remembered hearing the yelp of pain and string of curses behind her as Madara harshly elbowed Shuisi and Hidan in the rush to obtain the spot closest to her).

Sakura ignored him. "_Naruto. Sasuke_." They both flinched. Both of them had taken posts on the far end of the room, standing against the wall while Naruto shot desperate glances at the hallway leading to the door, no doubt planning his escape if Sakura made a move towards him. "Tell me why I shouldn't leave this house right now."

"Sakura," Sasuke began, somewhat firmly and stoically, and he was proud of himself for keeping his cool and not shaking in fear like the dobe next to him.

If possible, Sakura's glare intensified. "Don't '_Sakura_' me,_ Teme_. You two kidnapped me in the middle of the freaking night, crawled through my window, and scared the living shit out of me," Sakura hissed through clenched teeth. "And you two even had keys!"

The room was still and silent.

And Sakura realized her mistake.

"You two have _keys_ to Sakura-chan's apartment," Shisui started, looking at Naruto and Sasuke with a look of both envy and annoyance, "and you didn't _share_?"

Suddenly Hidan was in her face. "You let those two fuckers into your house whenever they want!?"

Sakura just stared into his violet eyes and blinked lazily. And then she slowly looked around the room at the clustered males. "Unlike you cretins," she began, "I trust Naruto and Sasuke not to rape me in the middle of the night."

"But you let them kidnap you instead," Pein said in his monotone.

Sakura shrugged. "I have to pick and choose my battles with them." She looked back at the two morons in question. "Again," she said, "what in fuck's name am I doing here?"

Hidan groaned somewhere in the background and was dragged further away from Sakura by Deidara and Sasori.

"Um," Naruto began, rubbing the back of his head, "we just saw how tired you've been Sakura-chan."

"You've been walking around like a corpse lately," Sasuke bluntly said.

"I'm always tired. You know what my schedule is like with school and the hospital. And even when you two do kidnap me it's still not to _here_ of all places."

"Ano," Naruto began again and touched his fingers together much like their friend Hinata. "Well, you see . . . there was a bet."

Sakura could feel the vein in her forehead throb. "_What_ bet?"

Naruto visibly flinched back at her tone. Sasuke's reaction was less obvious, but he could feel his throat dry up at the look in her eyes when they met his. He quickly looked away and swallowed thickly.

"Pein proposed a bet about a week ago. He bet the dobe a month's supply of ramen that he could beat him at a game of shogi, but if he won, we'd have to bring you over for a visit."

Sakura's eye twitched. Of_ course_ this started because of ramen. Because what else would convince Naruto to sell Sakura's soul to the devil? "And he won." _Obviously._ She glared over at Pein, who was looking a little too smug for her liking, smirk promptly in place.

She twisted her glare back at Sasuke, who tensed right back up again. "So what about you, Sasuke? What did they bet you?"

Sasuke shifted from foot to foot, looking uncomfortable and mumbling something under his breath.

"We bet him that he couldn't talk to one of his fangirls for more than three minutes, yeah," Deidara said helpfully, grin in place.

Sakura's eyes widened. "What!?" She looked at Sasuke incredulously. This was _almost_ more preposterous than Naruto playing shogi and _winning_. Against _Pein_, of all people. "And you _agreed_?" Out of everything she'd heard so far, this was the most ridiculous. For one, Sasuke avoided his fangirls at all costs. Talking to one was simply out of the question. Sakura idly wondered if Sasuke just ended up walking away from the girl or if he finally snapped from the amount of blubbering and basic fangirling-ness that undoubtedly happened. Maybe he even raised his voice. "Not only that, but how on earth did you think you'd beat _Pein_ at a game of shogi, Naruto!? Even Shikamaru would have trouble!"

"We might have all been a little drunk," Naruto admitted sheepishly.

"A _little_?" Kisame scoffed. She couldn't blame him. Between the two of them, they could hold the most liquor while the rest of them had a pathetically low tolerance for alcohol.

"Either way," Itachi began, "you're already here. And it was a two hour drive from your apartment if I'm not mistaken, so you might as well stay here for your visit."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "About that. How is it that all of you are here at the same time?"

They just smiled lecherously at her.

"Fucking perverts," she mumbled under her breath.

* * *

Sakura loved Naruto and Sasuke. She really did. She'd do anything for them, like they'd do anything for her, she knew.

But that didn't mean she was blind to their . . . quirks.

For Naruto, it was the moments when he'd say something or do something, and Sakura would have the thought about how when she looked at him, she knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster was dead.

For Sasuke, it was his inability to hold a conversation. Sakura wasn't much of a talker recently, mostly due to the fact that the times she finally got to be around friends, she was utterly exhausted, and her mind was on her next nap and not the conversation at hand. But there were still the simple things, like a _Hello_ and _How are you doing_ that were simply the social norm.

But this was completely lost on Sasuke. Even if he obviously wants to talk about something, or needs something, the most one could hope for on a good day was a _Hn_.

He didn't do this with Sakura anymore, however. A girl can only take so many _Hn_'s in a lifetime without snapping, and Sakura snapped a while ago. And by that, she meant she beat the utter crap out of the boy. After that, Sasuke – for the most part – attempted to use actual words (even if the first time he did this he had a black eye and cut lip, courtesy of Sakura and her snapping).

Apparently, this was a life changing event, because soon after that happened, Sakura received a tearful phone call from Mikoto asking her if she could just go ahead and marry her son. Or at least into her family in the hopes of curing the men of their aversion to words with more than one syllable.

Maybe that was why Mikoto always brought her up at family dinners.

At the moment, however, Sakura was beginning to wonder how they'd all managed to stay friends for such a long time. Because if these two morons could somehow make a bet with the _Akatsuki_ and the _Uchiha family_ and honest-to-god somehow think they would come out of top - even if they were drunk, because god knows that even the biggest imbecile could only glance at the Akatsuki and the Uchiha family and know their life would be much simpler to never, ever be on their radar - it was a miracle in itself that they weren't all dead yet.

Because the Akatsuki didn't make simple bets. Oh, no. They made life destroying bets.

Sakura wasn't joking when she called them a gang, though they never appreciated her labeling them as such. They were much more sophisticated than any punky little street gang.

No, they were the silent and vicious type. The kind that could wrap an arm around someone's shoulder and talk even the smartest businessman up, make them completely relaxed, then _bam_. Their wallet's gone, somehow Kakuzu has gotten a hold of all their personal information in the last thirty minutes, they're getting a call from the IRS about their taxes from last year, and so they sit there dumbly, realizing that they even gave some of that information out freely, but just hadn't noticed at the time how truly wrong the whole situation was.

The Akatsuki had a strange obsession with Sakura. Much like with the Uchihas, their obsession began when Deidara got a little too handsy and she'd flipped him over her shoulder.

At the time, Itachi – who'd already meet and begun his obsession with Sakura – had simply stared in the weird way he could. Almost proud, but too prideful to show it. Or any emotion, for that matter.

It was Deidara she'd seen the look on first, the look too much like Madara's after she'd sucker-punched him, the one that said I like BDMS and I've just now realized it and pink is now my favorite color.

It just went downhill from there.

God help her.

Sakura knew she didn't even know half of what the Akatsuki even did. All she knew was the rumors everyone else knew. Even Sasuke, whose brother was in the organization, didn't know any more than the rest of them.

The Uchiha's weren't much better. Born prodigies, all of them. Ridiculously beautiful, dark, twisted men that they were. And that was the odd thing – all the born Uchiha's were male. Not one woman among them. Mikoto had married into the family, like it appeared all the women did.

They were crafty businessmen, ranging from owning multiple spa's and luxury resorts around the world to being police chiefs and detectives to owning corporations.

And then there were their eyes. A strange, unique genetic trait that never skipped a generation, an Uchiha's normal dark eyes would take on hints to full-out blood red hues when feeling extreme emotions.

Sakura had seen a lot of red eyes in her lifetime.

Both the Akatsuki and the Uchiha's were imposing in their own rights, and Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke all knew this very well.

So how, in all-that-is-holy's name, did the two morons think a _bet_ was a good idea?

It was like late middle school and high school all over again, when both Naruto and Sasuke thought they could do whatever they wanted without any repercussions. (Well, okay, so not _that_ much has changed, but they're somewhat better since then.)

Sakura was beginning to re-think saving their asses all those times. Like when Naruto had tasted vodka for the first time, and then vodka _mixed in ramen_ for the first time (_ugh_), and he thought taking off his shirt and running down the street screaming "WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY? Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!" was a good idea. And Sakura, being the friend she was, had tackled him mid-run and hog tied him to the couch until his hangover took over.

Or when Sasuke had been accused of being gay, and this had also been during one of the first times he'd ever been drunk, and the guy who'd done the accusing had also been drunk, and, somehow, in-between his fangirls coming to his straight-ness defense, Sasuke had thought it a good idea to begin stripping.

No reason for it whatsoever. Sakura had sat next to him, laughing her ass off still at the gay comment (it had crossed her mind more than once over the years, too) because she knew that Sasuke was very much straight, and she had looked over at him through her tears, and noticed he was very suddenly shirtless and undoing the buckle at his pants.

Now, Sakura was a little tipsy at the time too, so at first, she thought she was hallucinating. But she'd always held her liquor better than her two best friends, and realizing that Sasuke's fanclub had stopped bickering about Sasuke's sexuality and noticed the object of their affections (read: obsession) was suddenly very shirtless and very not-gay, got very, _very_ quiet.

And Sakura had tackled him in much the same fashion as Naruto, and having been straddled over his chest, been forced to threaten calling Itachi to get him to stop trying to slid down his boxers.

Ugh.

Sakura currently held a hand to her forehead, feeling the migraine coming on. The amount and volume of the voices around her weren't doing her any favors.

She took a deep breath, and tried to find reason. "I can't stay here. I don't have any clothes."

Sakura could practically feel half of the men in the room perk up at this.

Her hand involuntarily clenched into a fist.

"Don't be silly, Sakura-chan," Naruto began, looking hopeful for his life now that Sakura wasn't glaring visions of his death into his soul, "the teme and I know what you wear, so we packed you a bag when we . . . uh . . ."

"Kidnapped me," Sakura finished dryly.

"Yeah!" Naruto rubbed the back of his head.

Made sense. They'd done it every other time they'd kidnapped her before. It didn't even bother her so much anymore that this meant they'd scrounged through her underwear drawer and picked and chose what she'd be wearing that week.

She idly wondered at what her life was where she didn't automatically feel inclined to kill them for seeing - and_ touching_ \- her panties.

"You really should relax more, doll," Sasori purred – literally _purred_ – coming to bend right over Sakura, reaching a hand out to gently trail down her face, light as a feather. "You'll get wrinkles if you don't."

"I'm good," Sakura deadpanned.

Sasori _tisked_ at this and leaned down until his mouth was close enough to graze her ear. "I bet I know a way to help you relax some more." And the bastard trailed his other hand down Sakura's arm.

Her expression didn't change as she slid her foot out to knock his own feet out from under him.

He was caught off-guard but easily caught himself before he stumbled. He was Sasori of the Akatsuki, after all.

Sasori chuckled at her. She just looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "I sincerely doubt that."

Suddenly, Tobi was there in front of her. Again.

"Meanie Sasori said something bad to Sakura-chan again, didn't he?!" There were tears in his eyes. Sakura patted him on the head and gave him a soft smile. Tobi wasn't half bad when he wasn't killing her of suffocation. He was one of the few Akatsuki members she could stand being around for (somewhat) longer periods of time.

A large hand pushed Tobi out of the way, and a new face took up Sakura's personal space. "Sakura, my love, come, let's get you settled, shall we?" Madara purred, tugging on her arm to get her off the couch.

She wasn't having it. "No." She looked at Naruto and Sasuke. "I'm going home, bet or no. I wasn't involved in your bet so I'm not going to be a damn prize for it either."

"About that," Shisui started, smugness lacing his voice. Sakura immediately tensed, already knowing that he was about to say something she really didn't want to hear. "You actually can't. The van Naruto and Sasuke kidnapped you in was a rental, and we already had someone return it."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "So, what? You're telling me that there are this many people in a house and there's not a single car around? I doubt it."

"Oh, no, we have cars around," Shisui explained. "It's just that we don't particularly want you to leave."

Her eye twitched.

"What Shisui means to say in a less creepy manner," Itachi interupped her thoughts about pummeling that damn smirk off Shisui's face, "is that there's also a storm coming, and we don't want you or the person driving you to get stuck in it."

Damn. Sakura remembered hearing about a storm. And it was more than a two hour drive for her to go home.

Even though Sakura wasn't particularly fond of a lot of the men in the room, she had to admit to herself that staying in the mansion wasn't as unappealing as all that. Mostly because she thought about what awaited her at home. Nothing, that's what. She lived by herself and now had time off. Sure, she could be doing school work and catching up on chores and basically not getting molested by her friend's family and a gang, but at that very moment with Sakura being as tired as she was, it really didn't seem worth the fight.

She could always demand to be taken home when the storm passed, anyways.

But still. Sakura closed her eyes and breathed deep, praying that Naruto and Sasuke had packed her some decent clothes. "Fine," she mumbled, sounding as irritated as she felt. "I'll stay the night. But once the storm passes, I'm going home." With that she glared at Naruto and Sasuke, who both nodded vehemently.

"Since that's settled," Madara clapped his hands together, looking mostly serious. If you weren't counting that deranged glint in his eyes, that was. "I'll show darling Sakura to our room."

"_Our_ room?!" Naruto bellowed. Even Sasuke looked irritated at his uncle. Huh, looked like their protective streak had come back.

Though a bit late, if you asked Sakura.

"SAKURA-CHAN CAN STAY IN TOBI'S ROOM! SLUMBER PARTY!"

"Hell, no! The bitch is sleeping with me!"

"Sakura-chan was kidnapped by me and the teme! So she can stay with us!" She wondered if Naruto was hearing himself and was thinking about what he was saying, but then remembered that the hamster was dead and to just let it go.

Sakura could already see where this was going.

While the men were debating about where Sakura was going to sleep and with whom, Sakura casually stood up and went to find Mikoto. She'd tell her where she could sleep. It was her house, after all. And it wasn't like the three story house had a limited amount of bedrooms.

As Sakura was going up the staircase, she could hear them still bickering and decided that nap was overdue.


	3. Chapter 3

Normal disclaimer applies, as always.

* * *

Mikoto was only too happy to have Sakura stay the night and had, in fact, encouraged her to stay for the whole week. And while Sakura appreciated the offer (it was a really, really pretty house), she honest-to-god wasn't confident in her ability not to gouge out the eyes of at least one of the perverted males currently downstairs, still bickering about sleeping arrangements. And while Sakura didn't think Mikoto would particularly care even if she did such a thing so long as it wasn't one of her sons and Sakura didn't leave bloodstains on the new carpet, she still felt it would be best to be gone by tomorrow.

Sakura had asked where Mikoto's husband, Fugaku, was, but she'd waved her off and said something about a company meeting and how he'd be gone for a few more weeks. Meaning that he wasn't around to attempt to rein in his perverted brother, Madara, from trying to get in Sakura's pants.

While the Uchiha's were known for many different things, Fugaku was a CEO of some corporation or another (Sakura could never remember which; there were just too many Uchiha CEO's around), Mikoto took charge of some of the local resorts around the area. Sakura was pretty positive that it was Mikoto, in fact, who pushed Sasuke to take her to different spa's when he and Naruto decided to kidnap her, since many of those times Sakura would run in with Mikoto while she was in the salt baths or getting a facial. Sometimes Mikoto would even give her a massage.

Sakura was a little ashamed to admit that the most she'd ever thought about marrying into the family was when Mikoto so off-handedly made a comment about how the women of the Uchiha family gave each other back rubs whenever they wanted.

The woman knew Sakura's weak spot, unfortunately.

At first, Mikoto had tried to give Sakura a bedroom on the third floor, but she'd immediately refused – politely, of course. She knew for a fact that the third floor was where the Uchiha family lived, while the second floor was mostly for guest uses. It also somewhat alarmed Sakura that the room Mikoto wanted to give her was between Itachi's and Sasuke's.

Yeah, that's wasn't happening.

Sasuke would be one thing – hell, Sakura would gladly choose living with both Sasuke and Naruto if the situation demanded it – but next to Itachi? She wouldn't be able to sleep at night unless the door was bolted shut, and even then Sakura knew the conniving bastard would still find a way in if he wanted to. Though sleeping on the second floor where no doubt the Akatsuki would be wasn't much better.

When Sakura had first met Itachi back in high school, she'd had a nice conversation with him about a medical magazine they both liked to read. Sasuke had been in a particularly emo-ish mood that day and Naruto wouldn't shut up about some new ramen flavored gum that just came out, and, frankly, Sakura had needed a break before she killed them both. So she'd walked around the Uchiha mansion, purposely getting a little lost and turned around, when she'd run into Itachi.

Of course she'd known instantly who he was; Sasuke never shut up about him when they were all younger and he was in his older brother worship stage, but by the time they'd hit middle school, an intense rivalry began between the two of them and it became an unspoken rule that Itachi's name was never to be spoken among them if it could be helped. The weird thing was that even though Sasuke would silently sulk and stew if Itachi's name ever came up in a conversation, Sakura also knew that Sasuke admired Itachi for having the backbone to go against their father when the situation demanded it, something Sasuke had trouble doing.

There was also the intense, ferocious following of fangirls Itachi had collected over the years. Itachi was only a few years older than them, so by the time she, Sasuke, and Naruto hit high school, every girl still knew of and was in love with Itachi Uchiha. He'd graduated by then, but it hadn't stopped every female friend of Sakura's to lose their minds over the older Uchiha brother.

Frankly, Sakura always rolled her eyes at those girls. She understood why the Uchiha appealed to the opposite sex, but after spending so much time with Sasuke and realizing how old the whole dark, handsome, and mysterious thing could get, Sakura saw none of these traits as desirable. Firstly, the Uchihas weren't mysterious. They were just unable to form coherent sentences without having a damn stroke, that's what.

But that day in the Uchiha mansion had been the first time Sakura had ever talked to Sasuke's older brother before, and it had been unexpectedly nice. She'd expected him to be similar to Sasuke when they'd first met – meaning aloof and rude – but was pleasantly surprised to find that Itachi, for one, could actually hold a normal conversation free of no or almost no _Hn_'s.

When Sakura had told Mikoto about this later, the mother had just looked at her with wide eyes and again begged her to marry her son. (Which son, she'd never specified.)

Apparently, Itachi was typically as aloof and stuck with one syllable answers just like his brother, but when struck up with a conversation topic that he actually enjoyed – meaning biomedical procedures going on via a medical magazine – he could be as chatty as Naruto when the topic of ramen come up.

Well.

Maybe not _that_ chatty.

Naruto and Sasuke had gone looking for Sakura after they'd realized she'd been gone too long, and no bathroom break took that long, not even for a woman (or so they thought. It was not something they ever wished to discus with Sakura), and had thought she'd gotten lost in the maze of hallways.

When they'd instead found Sakura and Itachi chatting it up on the couch, using words that sounded Latin and gave Naruto a headache just listening to them, they'd both been equally horrified.

They'd immediately pulled Sakura away from the conversation with Itachi – something Sakura had chastised them for later, for being so rude when nothing was even wrong – and Sasuke had been horrified that it appeared his only female friend and his older brother were getting along – which was wrong on so many levels – and both Naruto and Sasuke had tried to convince Sakura that Itachi was a pervert and she was just too cute for her own good. Sakura had laughed them off, thinking their reactions were the result of being the younger brother of said male and overprotectiveness. It wasn't the first time Sasuke and Naruto had reacted this way when Sakura talked to another male, so she didn't think much of it.

That was until she punched Madara and discovered Itachi was actually a closet pervert.

Since then, bouquets of flowers had started to show up at the hospital for Sakura, many of them including cherry blossoms, with only a card with Itachi's name adorning it.

It was sweet at the beginning. All of the bouquets were beautiful and made her apartment smell wonderful, but after the fourth or fifth bouquet, Sakura had to politely tell Itachi enough was enough. She was flattered, but he was ultimately Sasuke's brother, and if that didn't feel weird enough, Sakura just simply didn't really like Itachi in that way.

It wasn't that Sakura _wasn't_ attracted to Itachi. He was an Uchiha, after all, and even Sakura had to notice their God-like looks. But besides that initial attraction, there was nothing else, and he was Sasuke's brother, and Sakura was simply too busy with school and the hospital to get enough hours to _sleep_, let alone purse a romance.

And she'd told Itachi that. Been blunt about it, even.

But that man was dedicated and stubborn, she'd give him that.

It was actually after Sakura had told Itachi not to send her any more flowers and he'd still continued to send them that she'd gone to see him, potted cherry blossoms in hand, to go knock on his door. She'd even looked up the company Itachi had been using to send her the flowers and completely blanched over the prices he'd been paying, and the fact that he'd continued to send her flowers even after her rejection grated on her.

(Also, she wasn't sure how much more of Mikoto's happy squealing she could take every time she found out Sakura had gotten _another_ bouquet from Itachi. It also alarmed her that the last time she'd gone over to see Mikoto, there'd been a wedding planar out. When Sakura asked Mikoto about it, she'd simply said it was a hobby of hers, and, also, what did Sakura think about a spring wedding under cherry blossom trees?)

Sakura had been forced to ask Mikoto for Itachi's address, much to her chagrin and Mikoto's enthusiasm. She knew asking Sasuke would have led to questions, and Sakura really, really didn't want to tell Sasuke that Itachi was still after her. It had already been bad enough when she'd been forced to explain why her apartment was covered in flowers. Sasuke had actually _raised his voice_.

It had been one of the most disturbing experiences of her life.

So when Sakura had stood in the middle of Itachi's penthouse, completely surrounded by a very odd mixture of men, she'd been more than a little apprehensive.

Itachi had only been too glad to have her, plastering himself to her side the minute she walked in, touching her face and waist, only to have her swat him away.

When she'd raised her eyebrows at the men in the room – not one of them had taken their eyes off the pinkette the moment she walked in – and muttered a polite "Hello. I'm sorry to interrupt; I hadn't realized Itachi might have friends over," it had all gone downhill from there.

Firstly, because no one had even replayed to her, or given any sign that they'd heard her speak. They watched her as though they were wolves and she their prey, and, frankly, it was starting to piss her off.

Irritated, Sakura had turned back to face Itachi, pushing the bouquet into his chest. "I appreciate the flowers, Itachi, but they're really not necessary. I've already talked to you about this. Please stop sending me them."

Itachi had only caressed her cheek and pretended he hadn't heard a word she'd said. "Sakura, sweetheart, how nice of you to come over for a visit. Would you like some tea or coffee? Are you hungry?"

Sakura had sighed, already seeing that coming over was a moot point. "You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?"

"Sounds like you're not taking care of your girl, Itachi," a voice suddenly said behind Sakura, sounding much closer than any of the men had been previously.

A hand wrapped around Sakura's waist from behind. She turned her head to stare into a lone blue eye, the other one covered by his blond fringe. "I'm not his girl," Sakura bit out. "I'm not his anything."

The man's grin only widened at this. "Good news for me, yeah," he said. "You're too pretty for a snob like him." And the hand not holding her waist dipped lower on her hip.

Sakura was about to snap. This bastard – who she hadn't even known the name of – was touching her like . . . like . . .

Using strength that didn't match her petite frame, Sakura pulled out of the blonde's grip in one swift motion and took a step back, now facing him. She narrowed her eyes. "Funny that you call him that when you touch me like that without even knowing my name."

The look on his face worried Sakura a bit. She'd expected her show of strength and lack of falling at his feet for someone as handsome as him would make him angry or irritated, but instead he looked like the cat that was finding the cream, and Sakura didn't like it one bit.

There was a chortle from behind the blonde. "I don't think she likes you much, brat."

A smug looking redhead came to stand behind the blonde, his eyes a dark golden honey color covered by drooping eyelids. "I see why you've been so interested in her, Itachi," the redhead said. "She's quite the doll." He pinched a lock of her strawberry colored hair between his forefinger and thumb, all the while looking into Sakura's eyes.

"Who are you?" Sakura asked. They obviously knew who she was.

The redhead tilted his head at her, much like a cat. "I'm Sasori, doll."

"I'm Deidara," the blonde butted in.

"Sakura," she deadpanned, already turning back to Itachi. "Nice to meet you." _Not really._

"I'm serious, Itachi," Sakura continued. "No more flowers. Okay?"

Itachi just smirked down at her and lifted the potted cherry blossoms from her arms, sliding it onto the counter next to him before swiftly pulling her towards him, his hand on her hip. "Then what would you prefer, sweetheart? Chocolates? Jewelry?" His hand trailed down her side. "Or maybe a kiss?"

Sakura threw him off her so fast even Sasuke would be proud. She started stalking towards the doorway when another hand caught her arm, spinning her back into the arms of a certain blonde.

Deidara had an odd look on his face. "No one's ever rejected the weasel before, yeah," he said, awestruck.

Sakura just blinked up at him. "Let me go."

From there, it just went downhill.

Soon, Sasori got in on the action, calling her _doll _just as much as Itachi called her _sweetheart _and Madara called her _love_. Then a large, imposing blue man named Kisame tugged the two off her, first calling her _pinky_ – which resulted in a very scathing look that caused the blue man's grin to widen and his eyebrows to rise – and realized that even though he stood a good few feet over her, Sakura wouldn't hesitate to slug him. And when he found out that not only would she punch him, but that it would honest-to-god hurt when she did despite her size, re-named her _squirt_, which still irritated her, but not so much as pinky, so it stuck.

Then Deidara, who felt left out and was a glutton for attention, made a certain comment about curtains matching the drapes.

At least he hadn't left a dent in the wall like Madara had.

Someone in the background groaned loudly, followed by a smacking sound.

Sakura hadn't wanted to think about what that meant.

The rest of the members – Itachi finally introduced them all as the Akatsuki – already had their curiosity peaked for the pinkette who was impervious to the advanced of _Itachi Uchiha_ and what sounded to be the rest of the Uchiha men – including Madara – but once they saw the power behind one of her punches and the three-sixty that her rage could take, thus began their own obsession.

Sakura liked to think of them all as sadists and masochists, respectively.

Especially Hidan, who she later came to find out was the one groaning in the background when she punched Deidara. Apparently, he'd been uncharacteristically quite the whole time, not really interested until Sakura started punching and cursing, calling Deidara some colorful names and telling him exactly where she thought he could stick his theories about curtains and drapes.

The only three left who hadn't spoken were Pein, Kakuzu, and Zetsu, and upon meeting them, Sakura had the thought that they were the sanest of them all and the least likely to take an unhealthy obsession with her.

Oh, how wrong she was.

Sakura came to find out Pein and Itachi were very much alive in that they were quiet and brooding and quite the little closet perverts. Pein then took to calling her _angel_, and, frankly, Sakura began to have a growing hatred of pet names.

Kakuzu was nearly as tall as Kisame and just as protective of her. He wasn't like the others were he'd try to cop a feel whenever possible, but instead preferred to bump shoulders with her and place a hand on her shoulder whenever possible.

Zetsu was just another story entirely. Well . . . two stories, actually. His white side was usually polite and courteous and would flirt with her innocently, while his dark side would add in random snarky and suggestive comments into the conversation. He also had a fetish for biting, much to Sakura's horror when she found out.

After Sakura slugged Deidara, she heard a variety of groans, low whistles, and random pet names from various men.

Suffice it to say she knew immediately she was in deep shit.

Somehow, Sakura had made it out of Itachi's apartment in one piece and vowed to never, ever go back.

But the goddamn flowers kept coming.

And they were no longer _just_ from Itachi.

Sakura began donating them all to Ino's family's flower shop. To that day Ino would laugh and tell Sakura that she didn't even need to work anymore, since all she had to do was sell the already cut and decorated bouquets.

* * *

The first thing Sakura did upon entering the guest room Mikoto gave her was realize that more than she wanted that nap, she wanted a shower. The night before Naruto and Sasuke kidnapped her had already been a long and exhausting day at the hospital, so by the time she'd gotten back to her apartment Sakura had fallen face first onto her bed, not even bothering to wash off the smell that was purely _hospital_ and _sick people_.

But she needed clothes to change into, and that would mean she'd have to go back downstairs to ask Naruto and Sasuke about that bag they packed her. And that just wasn't happening.

Instead, Sakura made her way into Sasuke's bedroom and scrounged through his cleanly folded clothes. It was ridiculous how pristine his folding was, and Sakura wondered if a maid folded his clothes for him. But Sakura also knew how OCD Sasuke could be when it came to cleanliness, and so she took great pleasure in making sure she messed up and unfolded as many shirts as possible.

She knew he wouldn't care that she was stealing some of his clothes. A good chunk of Sakura's closet was filled with old T-shirt and sweatshirts from both Naruto and Sasuke. She loved sleeping in them and feeling how soft they were after having been used and washed so many times by her boys.

Sakura finally settled on an overly large long sleeve T-shirt, black in color except for the Uchiha crest on the back of it (almost all of Sasuke's shirts had it on them somewhere, same as Naruto who had the Uzumaki crest on the back of all of his orange jackets, so Sakura was used to it), and some black shorts.

Sakura then thought about what she was going to do about underwear. She could just wear her bra again after her shower. As far as panties went . . .

Only feeling a little odd about it, Sakura looked through Sasuke's boxer drawer. It wasn't like she hadn't seen his boxers before, and she even slept in some of his old ones that he hadn't really ever used. They fit her like normal shorts, and it was _Sasuke_, for Pete's sack, so Sakura didn't have a problem with it.

Finding a pair that seemed either brand new or only softly used, Sakura stole those from him as well. It was better than nothing, and she wasn't about to walk around wearing only his shorts.

Sakura scurried back down a flight of stairs and into her bedroom. Carful to make sure she locked the door, and then lock the bathroom door, Sakura felt somewhat better about taking her shower. But even with both doors locked, Sakura was quick about it.

She also had to steal Sasuke's shampoo and soap, but this wasn't something Sakura minded in the least. She liked the smell of men shampoo and soap. It didn't really matter anyways; she was already going to smell like Sasuke because of his clothes.

After Sakura had changed into Sasuke's clothes, she fell face first into the bed, sighing at how goddamn _soft_ it was.

Goshdarn rich people.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep, but by the time she awoke, it was light outside. And she was _starving_.

When Sakura said she had done nothing but fall into bed night Naruto and Sasuke kidnapped her, she'd meant it. The last time she'd eaten was . . . well, not even lunch, since there had been an emergency at the hospital and she couldn't take a break. So she hadn't eaten since breakfast that day.

Yeah, she was hungry all right.

Sakura sighed loudly into her pillow, not particularly wanting to get out of the soft bed but being pulled to by her demanding stomach.

Someone laughed beside her.

Quicker than most would think possible, Sakura was sitting bolt upright and furiously kicking at whoever it was in bed besides her.

"OW! OWOWOW! SAKURA-CHAN, STOP! IT'S JUST ME!"

But Sakura didn't stop. "What the hell are you doing in my bed, Naruto!?" It was a rhetorical question, because Sakura knew that Naruto hadn't thought twice about picking the lock to her bedroom and crawling into bed next to her. And, honestly, normally she wouldn't have given it a second thought. She'd given both Naruto and Sasuke a key to her apartment for a reason, and she got that sometimes one or both of them would just need to get out of their own house and away from being clan heirs and just have a decent night's sleep.

They'd known each other longer than anyone else, and they were closer to each other than anyone else, so none of them found it odd to sleep in the same bed together from time-to-time. Both Sasuke and Naruto knew they were welcome to do it whenever they needed to so long as they understood (for the most part, because that was all she could ask of the two morons) that she had insanely early mornings and that she needed her rest. And it wasn't like she was going to kick them to the floor or couch. (Sakura had slept on her couch once before. She'd woken up to a back that wouldn't crack back into the right spot for a week. Not even the morons deserved such a fate.)

But Sakura was still angry at him and Sasuke for putting her in this goddamn situation, so no, she didn't stop kicking and hitting him. She didn't stop until, that was, Naruto fell off the side of the bed.

"Hn."

You know what they say – where's there's one moron, the other's not far behind.

Sakura turned around slowly to find the youngest Uchiha curled up on the other side of the bed. He was glaring at her from underneath the covers, like it was _her_ fault for waking him from his precious beauty slumber and that it was in no way whatsoever odd to find himself and Naruto boxing her in while she slept. The cocky bastard.

"What," Sakura started, glaring right back, "the hell?"

She thought it surmised the situation pretty well.

Naruto was scrambling to untangle himself from the bedsheets he fell down with and prop himself up on the end of the bed, so all Sakura could see was his head peaking over at her. "We just wanted to protect you from those bastards downstairs! You know they would have just snuck in here!"

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "You mean like you two just did?"

Sasuke just rolled back over and went to sleep. Or pretended to, at least.

The door to her bedroom swung open, hitting the wall loudly and causing both Sakura and Naruto to jump in surprise. Sasuke didn't flinch, but just tensed up and muttered under his breath in the way Uchiha men did, where no one could really hear what they were saying but understood that it was derogatory and most likely damning the human race.

Sakura, however, was too busy to notice this. She was too busy scrutinizing the doorframe where the lock was supposed to click shut. A large chunk of door still hung there.

The bastards literally broke her door down.

Well, _she_ wasn't paying for the damage; that was for goddamn sure.

And – wouldn't you know it – it was a goddamn Akatsuki member that did the damage too.

Well, Akatsuki _members_, actually.

Sakura wasn't completely sure how many specifically, though. They were all just kind of piled up on the floor in their rush inside. Or maybe that was just a result of breaking the door down.

She wondered if it was too late to crawl back under the covers and pretend she hadn't found her moronic best friends in her bed and the freakin' Akatsuki hadn't just broken down her door, and all this was simply a horrid dream and any minute now her alarm clock was going to go off for her five AM shift at the hospital and she was going to wake up groggily and pissed off at her lack of sleep, but still thank Kami all this shit was just one god-awful nightmare.

But then Naruto – the little fuck – tackled her. _Tackled her._ To the bed. And everyone was watching and Sakura was honest-to-god thinking of the most painful way to pry him off of her, because he was so heavy and hot on top of her, and, Kami help her, she just wanted to go back to _sleep_.

But then she saw the blur of black and red fly by her, not even a foot away from where Naruto was holding her down and where she had been previously been sitting and decided to let the moron live for the moment.

Shisui hit the ground rolling on the opposite side of her bed, and pouted like he hadn't completely meant to tackle her, too. "You let those two sleep with you, but not me!?" he cried.

Sakura took a breath. "You remember what I said yesterday? About trusting Naruto and Sasuke not to rape me in the middle of the night?"

Shisui just continued pouting, and Sakura would swear to Kami that she saw fake tears in his eyes. "But they're not even wearing clothes!"

She tensed, and realized for the first time that morning that Naruto was sitting on her chest without a shirt on, only a pair of shorts on, and Sasuke – who'd she and Naruto had slammed into when he tackled her, and who was still pretending to be asleep – was also shirtless, and her cheek was resting on his naked shoulder. She assumed he was wearing shorts under the covers like Naruto was. (He'd better be. For both her innocent eyes' sack and for his desire not to be castrated any time soon.)

Huh. So they weren't.

Honestly, though, it didn't even matter to her. She'd seen them shirtless a thousand times before (mostly when they were drunk, and somehow being drunk equaled wanting to do a strip tease) so it didn't even pop up on Sakura's radar anymore.

Some of the Akatsuki members had righted themselves by then. "Sakura-chan!" exclaimed Deidara. He, also, had tears in his eyes. "I'm a much better cuddlier than those two bastards, yeah!"

"_Tch_. Brat, if the doll had wanted to be taken care of she would have come to me, not you. I know how to take care of beautiful and delicate things, unlike you and your perverse sense of beauty and art." And there was Sasori, who was getting off the ground and brushing himself off.

And he'd said _art_.

Oh, god.

Sakura closed her eyes in defeat. Sasuke groaned from beside her.

Forget going back to sleep – Sakura was eyeing up the nearest window. Screw being on the second floor; she could make it. There had to be a ledge or a tree or _something_–

Deidara swung around to face Sasori. "_My_ perverse sense of art? You and your eternal art piece of crap know nothing about what _rea_l art is made of! It's–" And here Deidara was cut off by a large hand covering his mouth, only muffled yells and exclamations leaking through. Sakura decided then and there that that was probably going to be the best part of her morning.

Kakuzu grunted, his hand still covering Deidara's mouth as he fought to breathe. A part of Sakura – the soon-to-be-doctor Sakura – thought that she should help Deidara, because he wasn't getting enough air, but then decided that it wasn't like his brain needed the oxygen anyways.

"You're too noisy," Kakuzu growled. He eyed the broken door. "I'm not paying for that."

Sakura pushed Naruto off and got out of the bed. She looked around the room at Naruto grinning stupidly at her, Sasuke _still_ pretending to be asleep (oh, how she envied him right then), Shisui making puppy eyes at her from his spot on the floor, and the three Akatsuki members staring at her, all with various expressions on their faces, and she again looked longingly at the window.

Sakura didn't even want to look at the rest of the flailing bodies on the floor. She was pretty sure at least Hidan and Kisame was among them, since she heard some curses flying and spotted hints of blue out of the corner of her eye. They were fighting – the reason neither was off the floor yet. It seemed Hidan had been trying to lunge at Sakura much like Shisui had but Kisame had grabbed him before he could.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She looked at Naruto and Sasuke again. "Where are my clothes?"

Sasuke finally turned his head to look at her, and she swore that for a moment the bastard looked smug about seeing her wearing his clothes.

Sakura looked to Naruto.

He shrugged, still grinning at her.

She looked back at Sasuke.

He just grunted.

And Sakura stayed in Sasuke's clothes for the rest of that morning.

* * *

Author's Note: Oh, wow. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed and/or favorited. I really wasn't expecting that. I will try to update as much and as soon as I am able.


	4. Chapter 4

Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

If there had been a window in the bathroom Sakura could have climbed out of, she probably would have. But the only window was about the size of her head and didn't even open. This desire was partly due to the fact that she could still hear Deidara and Sasori bickering about art outside the door and the fact that someone – Sakura was guessing Naruto and/or Shisui – was scratching at the bathroom door she had locked so she could wash her face and brush her teeth in peace.

She even stayed in the bathroom longer than she needed to in the (read: stupid) hope that at least some of the men outside would get tired of waiting for her and leave her room.

But the scratching kept happening, and she was pretty positive Hidan had joined Naruto and Shisui at some point in feebly trying to get inside based on the string of curses she was hearing. This was then followed by a loud smack and even louder curses as either Kisame or Kakuzu tried – and failed – to pull one or all of the boys away. When Sakura heard something crash in the room and something said about how _art is a bang!_ and Kakuzu's irritated grunt voicing unceremoniously that he's not paying for that either, she decided to call it quits and exit the bathroom.

And – wouldn't you know it – Sasuke was _still_ pretending to be asleep.

Deciding that if she was going to have to endure this stupidity she was going to bring him down with her, Sakura stalked over to the bed and pushed Sasuke from it, causing him to fall ungracefully to the floor with the blanket wrapped around his torso. He glared at her from his position on the floor, not moving from where he fell on his back, hands splayed on either side of his head.

Sakura grinned devilishly at him.

A blur of orange crossed Sakura's peripheral vision and she swiftly moved to the left, watching as Tobi toppled over the bed and landed on his cousin Shisui.

"What is it with everyone's need to tackle me?" Sakura wondered out loud to herself.

Tobi bounced right back up, Shisui still looking dazed on the floor. Sakura eyed him and wondered if all that falling on his head had finally given him brain damage. But then she realized that (1) she didn't really care and (2) brain damage was the least of Shisui's worries, what with everything else crazy with him and his insane family.

"Tobi came to fetch Sakura-chan for breakfast!" Tobi exclaimed, bouncing around the room until he was at Sakura's side.

Kisame eyed Tobi with horror. "You didn't cook, did you?"

Tobi shook his head frantically. "Itachi-nii-san cooked!"

"Oh, thank god," Deidara murmured, no doubt remembering the incident with Tobi in the kitchen and the burning ramen that somehow ended up in a frying pan and the strange smell of fish permeating the house for weeks afterwards. The fire department had politely asked to not ever be called again in the case of a kitchen fire.

Sakura was already heading out the door when she remembered her two moronic friends and looked back. Yeah, Naruto was wrestling with Hidan and Sasuke was still on the floor, wrapped up in the blankets (she swore to god that if he was trying to go back to sleep _again_ . . .).

Suddenly, Sakura was off the ground and being spirited away down the stairs. She heard a few loud protests from the other men in the room and one vulgar exclamation of "What did I say about no one else touching the bitch but me!?"

Her fist clenched instinctively and she even started to twist into a position she needed to have the best leverage to kick the bastard where the sun don't shine, but then she caught a glimpse who it was holding her and relaxed slightly.

Kakuzu carefully dropped Sakura back on her feet once they stood at the entrance to the kitchen. He looked down at her and simply said, "Hidan was getting that look in his eyes." Meaning: Hidan was getting that rape-y look in his eyes. Again.

Sakura gave him a smile and nod of thanks.

Kakuzu just stared at her with his strange green eyes.

Then his hand twitched, and suddenly she was back in the air and being twirled around to the side. Another red and black blur whizzed by her where she had once been standing along with "Sakura-chan, my love!" and an uncanny sense of perverseness that made Sakura thank the heavens that she had men like Kisame and Kakuzu around.

Sakura walked straight up to Madara and on cue, his eyes lit up, probably thinking said perverse thoughts and holding his arms out like she was about to start running to him all dramatic-like and suddenly a field of flowers was going to appear around them, slow mo in action.

Moving swiftly out of range of his arms, Sakura kneed him in the crotch.

Ha.

Kakuzu grunted – in what she could only take as approval – from behind her.

She flashed him a grin. "Thanks for that."

He looked away and entered the kitchen. Sakura followed.

Itachi was the only Uchiha that morning who didn't throw himself at her (well, besides Sasuke. But Sakura thought the act of crawling into the bed of an unconscious friend was bad enough).

He was cooking something at the stove, and Sakura wouldn't lie and say it didn't smell like a piece of heaven.

Then Itachi turned around.

And Sakura stared.

And stared.

It was possible that her jaw dropped, just an inch. Maybe less.

Itachi smirked at her. "Like what you see?"

Sakura didn't answer him. Just stared.

Kakuzu made a sound behind her that somewhat resembled something between a laugh and a choke and grunt, and Sakura realized that she wasn't the only one taken aback.

Itachi Uchiha was wearing an apron.

A fucking apron.

With a red cloud on the front of it.

"Itachi–" Kakuzu seemed to be the best to talk between the two of them at the moment, his voice as dead and emotionless as normal, "–you're not wearing your contacts, are you?"

Itachi just blinked at him, then frowned. "I ran out." Then he caught on and looked down, and because Uchiha's didn't panic by a universal rule, he just continued to stare at both Sakura and Kakuzu with a blank look. "Why?"

Kakuzu handed him the glasses he found on the counter.

Itachi put them on and then looked down again. He looked back up at Sakura, his eyes made somewhat larger by the lenses of the glasses. He was still goddamn attractive, though, just in a nerdy-hot way. "What about it?" And shrugged and went back to cooking, apron and all.

Sakura just looked at Kakuzu.

He grunted and went to sit down at the table.

Sakura stayed cemented to the ground. She looked up at the ceiling and decided in that instant it _just wasn't worth the trouble_. "Do you need any help, Itachi?"

He turned his head to look back over his shoulder at her. She could feel the stupid smirk. "What kind of help are you offering, sweetheart?"

That was the moment Hidan came flying into the kitchen, going straight for Kakuzu. "What the fuck, stitch face? You know the bitch is mine!"

Kakuzu glared at him. "Touch Sakura and I'll rip off your head."

Sakura hated mornings.

She looked around at the men filing into the kitchen. "Where are Naruto and Sasuke?"

Hidan looked over and gave her one of his best rape-y grins. But it was Deidara who answered her. "We took care of those bastards, yeah."

"What does that even mean?"

There was a _thunk_ from upstairs.

Something crashed.

Itachi sighed. "Haven't you all broken enough things this morning?"

Another _thunk_.

Sakura sighed and pushed past the clustered males until she was upstairs in her bedroom. The door was open and Sakura just stared when she saw her two best friends.

They were tied up with the sheets from the bed and some rope (she had no idea where it came from). Both were gagged and tapped to each other, their bare chests pressed against each other, somehow looking to be in an intimate position with the covers covering their shorts. They both screamed and thrashed against each other, and Sakura wasn't sure if they were trying harder to get out of their bonds or get some space between each other. There was a broken lamp on the ground next to them, a side effect of them trying to escape.

When they both saw her in the doorway, their eyes widened and both thrashed more violently.

Sakura took out her phone and snapped a few photos.

Blackmail was so, so sweet.

* * *

After taking plenty of photos and making sure that she emailed them to herself for back-up purposes, Sakura untied them, being none too gentle when peeling off the tape.

"You could just let us **eat them**," a voice spoke from besides Sakura, and she jumped a foot off the floor when she realized Zetsu was there in the room, standing in the shadows. She wondered how long he had been there, and if he had been a part of tying them up, but then decided that no, he was more likely to offer to eat them than anything else.

He grinned wickedly at her.

Zetsu was one of the most confusing men she'd ever encountered. Why, yes, he did just offer to eat her best friends. Who were human beings. And that would be cannibalism. And, no, Sakura never knew when he made those little comments if he was serious or not, nor did she particularly care to ever find out.

And no, she was not ashamed to admit that she had given it some serious thought before when he once offered to eat a professor of hers who was giving her a hard time with all her papers – _even though she knew they were goddamn perfect_ – and she'd been so frustrated at the time and wished one-a-many violent deaths onto him, so when Zetsu kindly offered to get rid of him for her via his mouth and stomach, Sakura had to talk herself down from getting too excited.

It was also possible Zetsu had been standing in the room ever since her door had been broken down earlier this morning and no one had even noticed him. So he'd probably just been standing there, watching as Naruto and Sasuke were being tied up and not saying a damn thing, just silently watching as they thrashed against each other and broke yet _another_ vase.

The thought made Sakura more than a little uneasy.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled the moment the tape was off, giving Zetsu some hesitant looks. "WHY DID YOU TAKE PICTURES?"

She grinned at him and moved on to Sasuke. Unlike Naruto, he didn't yell at her the moment she peeled the tape off, but instead took to giving her one of his most intimidating glares. She just continued to grin. "You two deserve it for making this stupid bet."

"What are you going to do with those photos?" Sasuke asked slowly.

"Sell them to all your fangirls."

"_Sakura_."

"Relax. I'm joking," she said. She could practically see them deflate with relief. "I plan to use them as blackmail."

Both whipped their heads back around at her, eyes wide. "W-what?" Naruto stuttered. "You wouldn't do that, Sakura-chan!" He laughed uneasily.

She widened her eyes innocently. "You mean like you wouldn't sell me out for ramen, Naruto?"

Sasuke just muttered damnings of the human race and ramen and cameras on cell phones under his breath.

After Sakura finished untying them both, they immediately lunged for Sakura and her phone, which she had expected, and swiftly side-stepped out of the way and ran back downstairs. Some muffled curses and angry _Hn_'s were heard behind her as they both tripped over the last of the covers and each other.

The moment her foot touched the last step, Madara was there, in her face. "Sakura-chhaaaaannnnnn!" he whined. "I haven't gotten to see you all morning!"

"You saw me yesterday," she deadpanned. Sakura must have had on a telling look, though, a look of I've-got-a-dirty-secret-with-less-than-honorable-ideas-floating-around-in-my-head, because Hidan was suddenly there, behind Madara, trying to pry the old pervert off her and replace Madara with himself, a pervert for a pervert swap, as Sakura liked to think of it, and he looked at her as if it was Christmas day and he was getting to unwrap his presents early.

Okay, to be fair, he usually looked at her like that (just with a large side of rape-y-ness), but this time something else was mixed in, something Sakura had come to realize was the look of I'm-about-to-do-something-bloody-and-love-it in all Hidan's insaneness.

Hidan's strange violet eyes grazed over her figure and then flicked behind her when he heard another crash from upstairs. "Please tell me you fucking killed at least one of them."

Sakura just stared at him. Took a breath. "And why, Hidan, would I kill them?"

He gave her an equally blank look. "Why the fuck wouldn't you? They were all tied up and everything." He glanced back up the stairs and grinned insanely at her. "I'll even fucking hold them down for you."

She blinked at him. Kisame laughed somewhere beside her. "Shut up, Hidan. You're freaking her out."

But even with Hidan's disgustingness, Sakura was still oh-so pleased with herself, and she was replaying the scene with Naruto and Sasuke in her head over and over, and, damn it all, it was justice done to those two morons for putting her in this position. Karma was a bitch, but Sakura loved the bitch, too.

And the men in the room noticed this, because they all were looking at her with more lust in their eyes than usual, and because Sakura was already feeling high off her revenge with Sasuke and Naruto, and because she felt ruthless and victorious right then, a part of Sakura almost wanted one of the men to lunge at her just so she could fight him. And that tiny part of Sakura said that she could take him, whoever it was, and come out on top.

The other part of Sakura said that voice sounded a little too much like Hidan and some of the other sick bastards in the room, and that was very alarming. Because it meant they were rubbing off on her, however indiscreet, and before long Sakura was going to start challenging people to arm wrestling just to watch them shrivel under her ridiculous strength for a girl as petite as her (. . . oh, wait. She already did that) and then she was going to start becoming giddy at the idea of blood and guts and everything Hidan related under the sun, and that was very, very bad.

"Doll," Sasori breathed, a delicious shiver going up his spine at the look of devious intentions on her face. "Why do you have that look on your face?"

She just continued to grin, so pleased with herself. "I'm going to fuck with those two _so_ bad."

Sakura wasn't completely sure, because she refused to let anything ruin how pleased she was, but she thought she heard more than one moan coming from the variety of males in the room.

"Our little flower is thinking something wicked," a hot voice whispered in her ear, making Sakura flinch violently. Zetsu had come down the stairs at some point and stalked up on Sakura, and now had an arm slung around her waist as his mouth spoke into her ear. "**It's so tantalizing when you show your dark self, flower-chan**." And the motherfucker bit her ear.

Her pleasant mood died.

Someone pulled Zetsu off her before Sakura could find out if the whole cannibalism thing was a real deal and Zetsu did more than give her a love-bite on her ear.

It was Sasori who pulled Zetsu off her, and he looked pissed.

Well. As pissed as Sasori ever looked. Which was just a lesser state of being high, in Sakura's humble opinion.

"You'll leave teeth marks on the doll's perfect skin," Sasori growled, like Sakura's skin getting a blemish was the equivalent to murder.

Sakura was picked up again and hugged to a firm chest. It was Madara. "Sweet, innocent Sakura-chan! I heard what those cretins did to you! How dare they break down your door and crawl in besides you! I told you what they were really like! All friendly and protective of you one minute and then giving in to their secret, perverse thoughts the next!"

Well, wasn't that the pot calling the kettle black.

"To be fair," Sakura started, her voice muffled by the fabric of Madara's black shirt. It was similar to the one she had stolen from Sasuke, actually. "It wasn't Naruto and Sasuke who broke the door. They just picked the lock . . . ," and she stopped talking, because it really wasn't sounding much better.

Madara had pulled her past the flock of men sometime during this, moving faster than he really should be able to, and into the kitchen where Sakura could see Itachi and Pein out of the corner of her eye.

They immediately looked up when she and Madara entered the kitchen and made eye-contact with Sakura, looking none too pleased about her current situation with Madara holding her as tight as he was. Sakura could hear Madara purr as he rubbed his cheek against the top of her head, lifting her up higher.

Both Itachi and Pein froze, looking down at Sakura.

At first, she thought the looks were because of Madara rubbing against her; all the men had a ridiculous protective/obsessive streak about them when it came to Sakura and other men. But then she felt the brush of cool air on her lower stomach and she went still and cold.

Madara had been holding her so tight that at some point the oversized shorts Sakura stole from Sasuke had ridden down a little ways. Nothing provocative (though Sakura's definition of provocative had changed dramatically since meeting the Akatsuki and Uchiha family, since it seemed Sakura could be dressed in bulky clothes and still attract their attention and perverseness), but also not something Sakura felt comfortable with while in the same vicinity as these men.

But then she remembered. And understood exactly _what_ they were both staring at. Even Madara had stopped nuzzling her and the purr she had felt vibrate through his chest was now buzzing with a new sensation. And it made Sakura more than a little nervous.

"Sakura." Pein had a blank look on his face, and, granted, that was typically his normal look, this time his eyes gleamed with something deadly. "Why are you wearing men's boxers?" The ice in his voice made Sakura shiver.

"Um," she said dumbly.

Itachi was growling. "Those are my foolish little brother's." His hand was going white from gripping the wooden spoon in his hand.

"I needed underwear after last night." She really should just shut up. She wasn't making this sound any better.

The wooden spoon snapped.

"And _why_ did you need undergarments?" Pein asked, and Sakura saw a thousand different murders pass through his ringed eyes, all of them involving Sasuke.

"Because _those two morons_ haven't given me my bag of clothes yet," Sakura growled out, suddenly renewed and angry again, remembering the questionable whereabouts of her bag of clothes. She pulled her lips back from her teeth, remembering exactly why she was still wearing Sasuke's oversized clothes and why she was even in need of his clothes in the first place. She really should have just castrated them when she had the chance.

Even the three men in the room looked a little shocked at her outburst, but then smirked at her.

Madara held her tighter, having loosened his grip on her before to get a look at the boxers in question. _Damn it_, the purr was back. "I must say, love, you do look _delectable_ wearing men's clothing." His eyes roamed over her figure. "Especially with this on your back." His hand hovered over the Uchiha crest.

Itachi smirked at this, no doubt thinking the same thing but not appreciating the position she and Madara were in. "Uncle, let Sakura go."

"Don't be jealous, _nephew_," Madara said, his voice making it clear to be exactly that. "Sakura-chan likes older men."

"Older, maybe, but not ancient," Pein deadpanned, smirking down at Sakura.

Madara glared at him and opened his mouth to no doubt preach about his youth and didn't they all see just how attractive of a man he was and _Sakura, love, how does a spring wedding sound at the Uchiha mansion, where everyone can see you walking down the aisle towards me_, but Sakura beat him to it. She put her hands against Madara's chest and pushed him away with a huff. "You all need to stop picking me up like that. I'm not a freaking doll for you all to pull around."

Madara pouted while Sakura got a good look out the kitchen window. It was pouring buckets, unfortunately. There went her plan to hitch a ride back to her apartment.

In fact, now that Sakura had the chance, she could hear the rain hitting the roof and window of the house. It was so loud that Sakura wondered how she hadn't noticed it before.

Pein noticed the look on her face, because he said, "The weather's gotten worse in the last few hours. The weather channel said it would pass sometime in the next few days," and the bastard smirked, a new, dangerous twinkle in his eyes, because he knew as well as she did that meant she was stuck.

Sakura huffed and glared at him, subtly eyeing the food Itachi was cooking. Say what you will about his pervasiveness, but the man could cook. It was among one of the many things the Uchiha men just seemed naturally perfect at.

Mikoto, the sly woman, had noticed this about Sakura. Her love of good food had gotten her more than one invitation to dinners at the Uchiha mansion. And Sakura was ashamed to say the only reason she would ever accept was because of the five course meal. It was her weakness.

That, and back rubs.

It wasn't completely her fault – she _was_ a starving college student, after all.

Speak of the devil, the woman in question chose that moment to enter the kitchen, adorned in one of her favorite kimonos. When she saw Sakura and two Uchiha men (and Pein) in the same room without Sakura being obviously tied down or held against her will, Mikoto's eyes lit up with a ferocity that could rival Naruto when the ramen stand was in sight.

"Sakura, dearest," Mikoto reached out to touch Sakura's cheek. "Where are your clothes?" She eyed Sasuke's clothes suspiciously and with what looked like renewed hope. "Those are Sasuke's." And she glanced up to Sakura's face and around the room, then back again, as if looking for Sasuke to solidify that her youngest son and Sakura had done something to ensure her marrying into the family.

Sakura fidgeted and nervously looked at Mikoto. "Naruto and Sasuke haven't given me my clothes yet. So I stole some of Sasuke's last night."

Mikoto _tisked_. "Well, you can't stay in those clothes forever." Her eyes found Sakura's, and Sakura was _this close_ to saying _damn it all_, and hightailing it home, rain or no, because that damn gleam in Mikoto's eyes promised detailed plans to hook Sakura up with a Uchiha male before the weather turned sunny again.

Mikoto brushed a hand through Sakura's pink hair, which was still a little wild looking from sleep, and stepped away to greet her oldest son and touch his cheek in much the same fashion as she had touched Sakura's. Both mother and son looked over at Sakura, and she shrank away at the dual gleam in their eyes. "You'll just have to borrow some of _my_ clothes."

Mikoto's clothes.

With the Uchiha crest on the back of them all.

Sakura dared another look at Mikoto and Itachi, and then looked over at Madara, who also had a similar gleam in his eyes. Pein just looked blank and slightly irritated, since it had also occurred to him what wearing Mikoto's clothes would infer. The Uchiha crest was never, _ever_ worn by anyone not in the immediate Uchiha family, and it was a common custom for a betrothed woman to a Uchiha male to start wearing the Uchiha crest.

_Damn it all_. Because it wasn't like she could refuse Mikoto, either.

She needed clothes. And while borrowing Naruto's and Sasuke's wasn't horrible, it would get tiring.

Plus, Mikoto was stubborn. Almost as stubborn as Sakura.

_Damn them_. They had _planned _this, Sakura just knew it.

"We don't know when you'll get your clothes back," Mikoto continued, as if sensing Sakura furiously trying to think of a good reason to refuse Mikoto's offer. Mikoto splayed her hands on either side of her, in an _oh, well, nothing to do about it then _gesture. "And knowing Sasuke and Naruto, it's entirely possible your clothes are lost forever," she giggled.

Fucking _giggled_.

And then she smirked.

The _Uchiha_ smirk.

And Sakura understood right then and there that Mikoto had probably gotten rid of the bag Naruto and Sasuke had packed for her. Because she was a she-devil when she wanted to be. And she planned this. All of this.

And if the look on Pein's face was anything to go by, Sakura wasn't the only one having this realization as they both looked around the room at the three identical Uchiha smirks, the one that said _you're screwed and you know it._

And, hell, she knew it.

* * *

Author's Note: Again, thank you to all who reviewed and/or favorited this story! I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter; it's definitely not my favorite. It took me a little longer to write it, but I'm also in the midst of college finals, so . . . yeah. I should have more time to write and update after this week is over, so yay!


	5. Chapter 5

Normal disclaimer applies.

* * *

After breakfast and after Mikoto left the kitchen to go rummage through her ridiculously huge walk-in closet for the most adequate outfit that screamed _property of Uchiha's _(they were all ridiculously possessive creatures, even Mikoto, who Sakura occasionally thought during times like this was even more so than the rest of the Uchiha males), Sakura attempted to beat feet out of the room and the vicinity of males.

Obviously, this didn't work.

Naruto and Sasuke had come downstairs since the _bondage incident_ (as Sakura would forever refer to it as. When she had first mentioned it as such shortly after seeing Naruto and Sasuke again, both boys had equal looks of horror on their faces, with Naruto muttering, "B-but S-sakura-chan! That makes it sound like–" and Sakura just continuing to smile evilly at him until he caught on that she just didn't care and sort-of-kinda-maybe wanted it to infer such a thing. Sasuke had glared at her, and since then would respond to everything with nothing but a _Hn_. "Would you like some toast, Sasuke?" "Hn." "How did that case end that you were working on?" "Hn." "Would you like some more rope for the next time you and Naruto get frisky? I think I have some leather whips and–" "_HN_." And then, via Naruto: "SAKURA-CHAN! WHY WOULD YOU HAVE WHIPS!?" Hidan had looked to be in some fucked up heaven around then, a trickle of blood leaking out of his nose) and were keeping a good amount of distance between each other.

Mikoto had still been in the kitchen when this happened, and had looked up from her morning green tea, eyeing Sasuke wearily. But Sakura could still clearly see the amusement in her eyes. "Something you want to tell me, sweetheart?" Sakura had already filled her in on the details of the _bondage incident_.

Sasuke had looked at his mother, wide-eyed. "Mother, it isn't what you think–"

Mikoto had stopped him by waving her hand lazily around, taking small sips of her tea. "It's fine, Sasuke. Your father and I already realized there was something odd about you. I mean, all those pretty little girls who followed you around and you never gave even one of them the time of day. Well, except Sakura, and I'd been hoping that you'd be the one to keep her around, but I guess there's still Itachi, Shisui, Tobi, and Madara–"

Naruto was jumping around frantically, mumbling incoherently about his straight-ness and never, _ever_ would he be attracted to the teme and, oh, there was Tobi, sitting next to Sakura and drinking his tea demurely, who looked up and saw Naruto spilling his food all over himself, and said, "Naruto-kun shouldn't be so hyper in the morning. It's good to let food digest quietly." Tobi continued to sip his tea as everyone at the table shot him dumbstruck looks. Kisame nonchalantly looked for the flying pig out the window.

Sasuke was just looking at his mother in horror. "No, _no_, mother, it isn't like that. I'm _straight_–"

"No need to be shy about it, little brother," Itachi interrupted, delicately lifting his chopsticks to his mouth and taking a dainty bite of rice. "We've all suspected it for some time now."

"I LIKE BOOBIES!" And there was Naruto, and it appeared some eggs had found their way onto his orange shirt. The color combination wasn't pretty, and Sakura vowed to make him change shirts later, since she knew he probably wouldn't even notice it.

Naruto turned to Sakura, desperate. "SAKURA-CHAN! TELL THEM IT WASN'T WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE!"

Sakura blinked innocently at him. "And what did it look like, Naruto? Because I seem to remember some rope and bondage involved. You know, there's some books out there that might be interesting for you and Sasuke to read–"

"NONO_NO_! SAKURA-CHHAAANNNNN–"

"–and you might want to think about not telling Sai about this right away. You know how he already is and when he finds out . . ." Sakura paused for dramatic effect. "Well, I'm sure you can imagine–"

But then there was Naruto, who fucking _jumped over the table_ and landed on top of Sakura, pushing her onto her back. She grunted from his sudden weight on her chest and the sudden weight on her . . .

Oh, wait.

This little motherfucker.

Was kissing her.

Sakura made a sound of surprise a split second after she realized this, but then Naruto's lips were no longer pressed to Sakura's lips, and he was looking up and away from Sakura, frantically screaming, "SEE?! SAKURA-CHAN'S A GIRL AND I LIKE GIRLS AND I KISSED SAKURA-CHAN AND LIKED IT!" It all sounded like a pitiful whine.

Sakura was seeing red.

But then his weight was gone like magic, and Sakura saw Tobi hovering over her protectively and he was obviously the one to throw Naruto into the china cabinet on the other side of the room. Sakura was slightly disappointed she hadn't been the one to do that. Oh, and she wasn't completely sure, because she was still thinking of painful and deadly ways to make Naruto suffer, but her brain idly registered that something was making an animal-like growl and that it was coming from Tobi, who was still hunched over her.

Sakura could hear the screaming and cursing from the men around the table, the loudest being Hidan and Deidara. Most of the males, however, were emitting a deadly aura.

Even Mikoto looked shocked and unhappy. Though Sakura couldn't find it in herself to feel thankful Mikoto was upset on her behalf, since if it had been a Uchiha to jump across the table and accost her, Mikoto would be reacting very differently and most likely picking out wedding colors.

Pein looked away from the Naruto shaped dent in the wall and looked to Sakura, who was now propped up on her arms. "And you said you trusted them not to rape you."

Honestly, Sakura was surprised it had taken this long for one of the males to jump her like that, even if it had been Naruto. Usually they didn't last this long.

Since then, Naruto had been bandaged up via Sakura (who was none too gentle while doing so and gave him a good whack over the head in return) and Sasuke had convinced his mother that neither he or Naruto where, in fact, attracted to each other or anyone male for that matter, and Mikoto had simply smiled and said something Sakura couldn't quite hear, but registered along the lines that if Sasuke wasn't gay, then he better step up his game or someone else was going to steal Sakura.

Instead of successfully escaping the kitchen as Sakura would have preferred to do, she got Kisame in her face demanding a sparring session. Which was the last thing she wanted to do right then.

She could be catching up on homework and studying and memorizing every muscle in the human body. She could be doing some much needed cleaning back at her apartment. Hell, she could be curled up at home with a steaming cup of tea and a good book.

For fuck's sack, she could still be _sleeping_.

But _nooooo_ . . . Instead she had a gang and a man twice her size with gill tattoos on the side of his neck and teeth filled into fangs demanding her to fight with him.

Kisame grinned down at her (literally down at her. What was he, 6'9 or something?) and egged her on silently.

Sakura had to admit that landing a solid punch in one (or more) of the pretty little faces of the men around her was somewhat tempting. But – damn it – it was raining outside and Sakura just didn't fucking feel like it. Wasn't that a good enough excuse? She just didn't feel like it, and, honestly, she was seriously considering just going back to bed and possibly hiding out from Mikoto and her clothes for the rest of her visit.

"Come on, squirt, spar with me," Kisame continued, flicking a stray piece of her hair out of her face. "You know you want a piece of this." He gestured to himself with a smug little grin.

Sakura sighed. "Actually, I don't."

She had been trying very hard to stay away from sparring with the Akatsuki. The first time it had happened had been after she flipped Deidara and sucker punched Madara, who apparently was untouchable when fighting. They had all wanted to see what she was made of.

"I work in a hospital and walk around campus in the dead of night all the time," Sakura had said when asked how she knew those moves. "I'm a five-foot-two college girl with _pink hair_. It's not like most guys are going to look at me and think not to mess with me. I'm seen as easy pickings, and I prefer it that way." She had grinned devilishly at this point. "It makes it so much more fun when I kick their asses."

Sakura was prideful – she'd admit to that. She knew she was a force to be reckoned with and was proud of it. She'd worked goddamn hard to be that way, so when men twice her size looked down at her and called her weak, why yes, she would give them a nice roundhouse kick.

But while Sakura was prideful, she wasn't stupid. She knew the Akatsuki weren't weak, even if she'd never seen them fight. They wouldn't be feared so much if they weren't.

And then there were the Uchiha's. Among the many, _many_ things the Uchihas are naturally gifted at, different types of fighting styles were a specialty. Many of them were cops and detectives and (what Sakura suspected) involved in the FBI and CIA. Examples of this were Shisui, Itachi, and even Sasuke. And . . . Madara. Maybe. At least Sakura thought. She wasn't completely sure _what_ it was Madara did.

So when the Akatsuki had begged her to spar with them, she'd been apprehensive. Not because she didn't think she could take at least some of them, but because she knew enough about them at the time to understand her kicking their asses was the equivalent to a turn on.

(*_coughHidancough_*)

But they were relentless. They bothered her nonstop about it until Sakura had just had enough and decided to fight them if for no other reason than to relieve some stress.

The Uchiha mansion just so happened to have a large indoor sparring room in the basement, complete with mats and weights and various types of weapons, some for workout purposes and some for . . . other reasons.

They first put her up against Deidara, who because of his slight frame everyone thought would be a more fair match than, say, Sakura against Kakuzu. Deidara didn't specialize in hand-to-hand combat, but was better at long range with his own choice of weapons.

Sakura had him flat on his back in less than a minute. He had been more concerned with getting his hands on her waist and hips than watching what she was doing, and so he fought sloppily.

But after that one win, Deidara had started to fight her more seriously. He'd lost his playful grin that he always had on his face for her, and Sakura saw surprise in his eyes. Even though she'd shown her strength before at Itachi's apartment, he'd underestimated her.

_Perfect_.

Even with Deidara fighting her seriously, Sakura still easily won. Again. And again.

When it became apparent that Deidara was truly trying and he just wasn't going to win against her hand-to-hand, Kisame had stepped in, grinning at her viciously and pushed Deidara out of the way, saying it was his turn to fight the firecracker.

Kisame had gotten the chance to watch her spar with Deidara, so he already had an advantage on Sakura. Not to mention his bulging muscles and height difference.

But Sakura was trained to specialize in fighting and winning against men like Kisame. They were big and strong, but Sakura was smaller and quicker.

And, well, the whole lack of strength because of her size didn't really apply to Sakura.

Same as Deidara, Kisame had started out soft with Sakura, not wanting to hurt her.

Moron.

Even though he's seen her fight Deidara and had been told about her strength when punching Madara hard enough to leave a dent in the wall, he underestimated her. And she'd even been holding back then.

It had taken a little longer to find an opening, but with one well-placed swipe of legs and punch to his gut, Kisame was on his back, blinking stupidly up at her.

By that time, Sakura had drawn an audience not only from the Akatsuki but from all the Uchiha males as well.

Then Itachi wanted to fight her.

Sakura knew right away that Itachi would be the most difficult to fight. He was clever, like Sakura. And she was more tired than he was by that point. Not a lot, but enough to slow her movements somewhat. Plus, she had no idea how long he'd been in the room. But it had been long enough to see her fight with Kisame and possibly Deidara, and that put her at a serious disadvantage.

Even so, by this point Sakura was high on her victories and the adrenaline pumping through her veins. She was hesitant about going up against Itachi, but also welcomed it. She knew she could learn a thing or two from him.

It was, after all, Fugaku who used to sometimes show her different moves. Not a whole lot, but enough when she used to visit with Sasuke. Mostly, Sakura had gotten training from her teacher Tsunade. And it was goddamn brutal. It was also Tsunade who had inspired Sakura to go into medicine, which was also how Sakura got the job at the hospital Tsunade was head of. She'd already been volunteering and following Tsunade around there whenever she could as a child; it was only natural Sakura took after Tsunade's fighting style too.

But what the men in the room hadn't known was that Sakura could give even Tsunade a run for her money when fighting.

So when Itachi faced her, smug little smirk in place and red eyes ablaze, Sakura had smirked back and gave him the opportunity to make the first move.

He did.

Unlike Kisame and Deidara, Itachi didn't hold back on her. He came at her full force, and for a moment, Sakura was worried about beating him.

Sakura quickly determined he favored his left side. Many of his kicks and punches came at her with his left side; however, while his left side was quicker, his right side punches and kicks hurt more. It was an odd combination, but Sakura would bet that was the point.

Sakura had always favored her right fist. But when she'd fought Kisame, she'd settled on using her legs more often than not. It was easier if she could get him down to her level by swiping at his feet or causing him to lose his balance.

Itachi was still quite a bit taller than her, but Sakura didn't think going for his legs would work with him. In fact, Sakura thought trying to unbalance him would have no results whatsoever. He carried himself perfectly, never landing unsteadily or ungracefully.

The next best thing was to outsmart him. However, that was easier said than done. He wasn't a Uchiha prodigy for nothing.

But Sakura was smart, too.

Sakura hadn't really gotten a chance to show off her strength before then, so she used that as her scapegoat. She let him go on the offensive, making her dodge him and waste energy. But she'd been watching him fight. He would go for her left leg soon, and try to knock her on her back.

And he did. It took some time, but Sakura finally cornered him into making the move she wanted him to and let it hit her in the side. She fell back, landing painfully on her side.

When Itachi had closed in on the kill – as she knew he would do – Sakura had smirked up at him and flipped onto her back, pulling out the small steel rod she'd grabbed off one of the weapon racks, the one she'd stowed up her sleeve.

His eyes had slightly widened in confusion when she'd flipped her body back up into a standing position, not even a foot from his nose. Instead of using the steel rod in her right hand, Sakura had pulled back her left fist and connected it with Itachi's jawbone.

She didn't leave out much of her strength.

In fact, Sakura was a little surprised it hadn't fractured his jaw.

A low whistle had come from behind Sakura at that point, and without taking her eyes off Itachi, Sakura knew it came from Kisame.

It was a bait-and-switch. Sakura had used up precious time and strength to make sure their fight lead them over to one of the weapon racks, and Sakura had grabbed the first one she could, a choice that got her a good uppercut to her cheek, in fact. Itachi may or may not have seen it – in fact, she bet he had – but it didn't matter. He'd be concerned with her having it, if he did know, and that only helped her.

So when she smirked and brought out the steel rod – Sakura suspected it was just a different type of weight to use when training – he'd thought she would use it on him. Why else would she have it?

But Sakura had been storing up her energy, going only on the defense and making him work harder to touch her, for the sole purpose to rest her uncovered hand until she could get the perfect punch in.

And she did.

Ever since then, Sakura had gotten various requisites from all the Akatsuki and Uchihas to spar. She didn't win many of them, but she could give them all a good run for their money. And it was amazing practice, especially when they started to include weapons.

For her last birthday, she'd gotten one badass katana, too.

Sakura sighed again. "I'm not fighting you, Kisame. Not today."

But either he didn't hear her or didn't care (she highly suspected the later), because the next thing Sakura knew, she was in the air and being whisked down to the basement sparring area.

When he put her back on her feet and Sakura gave him one good punch to the gut, Kisame had huffed out, "Come on, squirt, we haven't sparred in forever. Give a big guy a break," as he was bent over in pain, trying (and failing) to hide the amount of force Sakura had packed into that one punch.

Sakura crossed her arms in front of her and huffed. The other men were trickling down the stairs, having been witness to their exchange and coming to see the fireworks.

Kisame was making a heavy effort to straighten his spine and not have the look of pain, _oh, so much pain_, covering his features. Sakura gave him points for effort.

He gave her one of his best shark-like grins.

Sakura sighed again, resigned to the fact she wasn't getting up those stairs without beating the crap out of at least one of them.

She grinned madly to herself at the thought of it.

The males in the vicinity noticed this and shuddered in delight.

Tobi was waving his arms frantically and hopping over to Sakura. "Tobi wants to fight Sakura-chhaaannnn!" he repeated again and again.

Sakura smiled softly and nodded.

Oddly enough, Tobi was actually one of the best fighters in the room. He was childish and immature, but the scars covering one half of his face weren't there for no reason, and the man could show off some insane moves. He was one of the best sparring partners Sakura had ever had.

In fact, one of the only reasons Sakura had ever agreed to these sparring matches was because of Tobi. He took the time to not only spar with her, but to teach her moves that she'd never seen in her life. When it became apparent that Tobi was simply on another level when it came to fighting, Sakura had asked him how he learned all of it.

Tobi had gone uncharacteristically quiet when she'd asked, and before Sakura could apologize and tell him it was none of her business anyways, Tobi had answered in a much heavier voice than usual, "Tobi needs to be a good boy, and to be a good boy Tobi needs to be able to save others."

Sakura had been so stunned from his answer that she hadn't seen his next kick coming. It had hurt like hell.

Sakura knew Tobi's story . . . somewhat. She was well aware she didn't know everything about him and his past, and that it was likely she never would.

Tobi's real name was Obito Uchiha, and he was the cousin of Sasuke and Itachi, like Shisui was. When he was a child he had been out with some friends messing around in a cave nearby, but there had been an accident and Obito had to push one of his friends out of the way of a falling rock.

Only he wasn't in time. Obito had been quick enough to get to the falling rock and be injured by it, hence his scarred face, but hadn't been quick enough to save his friend, Rin.

It had messed him up, badly. Since then, for reasons that were never clear to Sakura, Obito had become Tobi, and while Tobi understood that he was still Obito, he would say he was now Tobi as well. And Tobi was going to be stronger and faster, and he was going to be a good boy.

Now, Tobi would spend however long it took for Sakura to master one of his techniques or moves (which never took all that long. She was one hell of a fast learner). And whenever Sakura would stop and ask him why he was so dedicated to teaching her when she could already defend herself more than most girls her age could, he just smiled his goofy smile at her and said, "Sakura-chan will never have to use these moves because Tobi will always be there to protect Sakura-chan! But Sakura-chan should know them too, especially with all these meanies around." This last part said with his eyes darting around, looking at the Akatsuki members and Uchiha family, respectively.

Now, Sakura let out a breath and grinned at Tobi. "Don't hold back, then."

Tobi stilled and looked at her, a twinkle in his dark eyes.

And even Sakura had to admit that even with the scars he was one of the most beautiful men in the room.

* * *

Author's Note: Once again, thank you for all the reviews and/or favorites! You guys are the best. Oh, and I realize after re-reading this that somehow this was mostly about Tobi and I really have no idea how that happened. Also, because of this, I feel the need to say that this is not becoming all about Tobi. It is still a Sakuraxharem. I just found that I like writing about Tobi/Obito. There will likely be chapters about a lot of the men like this, where a lot of the chapter revolves around them.


	6. Chapter 6

Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

Sakura sank down onto one of the floor mats by the wall in the sparring room. She brought one of her legs up to rest her chin on, and focused her heavy breathing as she watched Hidan and Kakuzu spar . . . err, well, maybe _spar_ wasn't the right word for what they were doing.

In truth, Sakura loved watching the men in the room spar with each other. It was always full of flying hair and twisting limbs and sweaty bodies. It would have been difficult to say who won each match; both parties involved were typically equally disgustingly exhausted by the end. Sometimes they involved weapons, and when characters such as Hidan and Kisame got a hold of their favorite scythe and sword, respectively, madness always ensued. And while Sakura would never succumb to any of their advances, she appreciated beauty when she saw it.

And these men were at their most beautiful when they fought.

Well, in Sakura's humble opinion, at least.

Sure, it was ridiculously sweet when Sakura was having a bad day and Kakuzu would offer to decapitate whoever was responsible for her mood, his terrifying exterior softening only for Sakura, and the slight twinge of desperation in his voice at seeing her in pain when there was nothing he could really do to help and no amount of decapitations would fix.

Or when Pein's face would hit the sunlight just right, and Sakura would be momentarily blinded by the piercings in his face and the way his strange ringed eyes would shimmer like they were a pool of glass, always moving and rotating invisibly.

Or when Sakura would stumble upon a sleeping Itachi, after a too-long day of textbook readings and eyes glued to a computer screen, relentlessly memorizing facts about the human body and immune systems, and his hair would be coming undone from his ponytail, his shirt would be unbuttoned at the top, haphazardly looking, and his arm would be thrown over his face, his ridiculous glasses pushed off his head, having been swapped out for his usual contacts for comfort's sack.

Or when Tobi would pause in his hyper-ness, and his calm would be reserved solely for Sakura, and he wouldn't suffocate her in his death hug, but would always seamlessly know when she just wanted to be held after a particularly brutal day or exam. When she wanted nothing more than to just relax.

Those were nice, pretty, gushy moments, certainly. And she would never trade them for anything. But these men – in Sakura's eyes – were at their most gorgeous when they held nothing back, when they were vicious and ruthless and pushed Sakura to limits she never knew she had before.

Like what Hidan and Kakuzu were doing right then, actually. Sakura could not simply call what they were doing _sparring_, because that was too mundane of a word. She was tempted to call it dancing with a dash of blood thirst, but that wasn't right either.

Hidan had adorned his scythe while Kakuzu had taken up some kind of whips that splayed out at the ends to make it not only one long tendril, but dozens. Hidan had called out for Sakura to watch him "beat stich face into the fucking ground, seriously" before they'd started.

That had been ten minutes ago.

In fairness, ten minutes was not a long time, but with these two fighting each other like they were now, it was an eternity.

They fought differently with each other than they did with Sakura. It wasn't that they held back with her – not anymore, at least. It was that they knew each other so well and had sparred with each other countless times before, that doing this now was like breathing for any of them. It was the same with Itachi and Kisame, Tobi and Madara, and even Naruto and Sasuke, who had both started sparring in the corner once they realized Sakura had been whisked away to the sparring room by Kisame and saw her get into it with Tobi.

Her fight with Tobi had been long and brutal. True to his word, he hadn't gone easy on her, and she'd reciprocated the gesture. He'd made her stretch muscles she hadn't known she had (well, besides in textbooks and on cadavers, actually) and Sakura knew she was going to be sore as hell later that night.

It was difficult to say who was stronger at that point. Sakura was faster than almost any man in the room, but men like Tobi and Madara and Itachi and Pein weren't far behind her. However, Tobi had obviously been doing this much longer than she had, and it showed.

They hadn't incorporated any weapons, unlike Hidan and Kakuzu. Both preferred hand-to-hand when given the choice.

Soon after Sakura had started sparring with the Akatsuki, she had stowed a bag of workout clothes around the Uchiha mansion – mostly black shirts and sweatpants – but she'd also made sure she always had a pair of her gloves around to.

At one point, after all the men had born witness to her inhuman strength, they'd accused her of storing weights in her gloves, so that her punches hurt more. But since she had been able to show them her strength even without the gloves and after a close inspection of the gloves, they'd just come to understand her strength was just another unusual thing about her, much like her strawberry pink hair and apple green eyes.

The gloves where the only things Sakura ever demanded to have on her when sparring. Not because she necessarily needed them and not because she got anything out of it when she had them on, but just because it felt better for her to feel them as she fought.

Sakura had many pairs of gloves, but her first pair was also her favorite. Worn ragged from excessive use and demanding conditions, once dark black that covered all her fingertips, they were now a strange combination of gray and dark splotches with different sized holes around her fingertips and knuckles.

Most of the men had offered to buy her new pairs, and many had despite her refusals. Nice, clean, expensive gloves made just for her.

But it hadn't mattered. She loved those first beaten down pair more than anything.

They had been given to Sakura by her mentor, Tsunade, the moment Tsunade believed Sakura had surpassed her.

Tobi also wore gloves when sparring. Actually, he wore his gloves all the time, not just when sparring. Mostly, it was due to the wicked scars tracing their way up and down his body on one side.

When Sakura had first noticed this about him, in the abrupt way that she was, she had told him that he didn't need them. That his scars were beautiful, because he'd gotten them because he was a good boy and been brave enough to protect the people he loved, and anyone who couldn't see that was an asshole and she'd personally beat the living shit out of them.

That was the moment which solidified Tobi's obsession with Sakura.

Tobi had actually slumped down next to Sakura soon after she sat down by the wall, watching the various fights going on around them. Sakura was proud to note that Tobi was breathing just as raggedly as she was.

"Hidan-san sure is scary when fighting," Tobi mock-whispered in Sakura's ear, his breath hot and humid on her already sweaty neck. She'd changed into her spare workout clothes that she luckily always kept at the Uchiha mansion. (Possibly the only clothes of hers Mikoto hadn't burned.)

She had to leave the sparring room to go change into them, despite the heavy protests from the men around her at the time. They didn't want her to run away from them if she had the chance, they had said in their defense.

That possibility _had_ crossed Sakura's mind. Run and find the nearest car, steal the keys, and hightail it away from the perverted males and Mikoto's clothes, which, between the two, Sakura was unable to decide which was a worse fate.

But that was too easy of a reason they hadn't wanted her to leave the room, she knew. No, the fucking perverts had wanted her to stay in their line of sight for obvious reasons as she changed clothes.

Motherfucking perverts, all of them.

Sakura now nodded heavily. Out of everyone in the room, you could hear Hidan the most. He seemed incapable of not laughing and hollering like a maniac every time he fought someone, especially Kakuzu and _especially_ when Sakura was there to watch.

He was even louder than Naruto at times like these, and that was really, _really_ saying something.

"Kakuzu just needs to **fucking kill the loud bitch**." And there was Zetsu, who had at some point snuck into the sparring area and had been lurking in the shadows near the wall Sakura and Tobi had slunk down against.

"Zetsu," Sakura greeted while Tobi jumped a foot in the air in shock.

"Zetsu-san!" Tobi yelled. "Zetsu-san shouldn't sneak up on Tobi like that! Sakura-chan will get frightened!"

Zetsu made a snorting sound in response, making a rude comment about who the real woman out of the two of them was, considering which of them jumped a foot in the air.

In truth, Sakura would have jumped just as high as Tobi had if not for the fact that she was damn tired and too lazy to do so and the fact that she was just used to random perverted males sneaking up on her like that. Her shock receptor was permanently broken thanks to all the bastards.

And, oh, there was Zetsu again. Placing little bites and nips up her neck.

Because, really, what had she been expecting?

"**_Mmm_**," Zetsu growled. It was purely animalistic. "You ought to work yourself up more often, flower-chan. **You smell ****_delicious_**."

Honestly, Sakura was more perplexed by the fact that Zetsu thought she smelled good when she was all sweaty and disgusting than the fact that the motherfucker had just _licked her_.

Sakura idly wondered if she should just go ahead and get that psych check-up.

However, Sakura was not too tired or lazy to not land one sick uppercut on Zetsu's jaw bone.

Out of all the men in the room, Zetsu was the least likely to spar with anyone. Or fight in general. From what Sakura understood, he was the spy for . . . whatever it was the Akatsuki did. Honestly, Sakura didn't want to know.

So landing the uppercut – even as tired as she was – wasn't all that difficult.

Sakura heard some slow clapping come from behind her, and rolled her eyes. Turning, she found Pein watching her with a smirk.

"Keep that up," he said, "and you'll just have to join Akatsuki."

Sakura rolled her eyes again. "Oh, yeah. Because you haven't offered me _that _before." The sarcasm was so heavy you could cut it with a knife.

Saying that Pein had offered her a position in the Akatsuki a few times was an understatement. He had demanded, half-heartedly threatened, coerced, and bribed her on more than one occasion to join his ranks.

Mostly, Sakura attempted to laugh him off. But he was serious, and he wanted her (in more ways than one, really), and Pein was a very dedicated man.

He made it clear the first time she rejected his offer that he always got what he wanted.

Sakura had politely told him where he could shove his offer.

There had never been a woman in Akatsuki before, and Sakura wasn't about to be the first one, either. If she was in Akatsuki, it would be like she belonged to them. And despite how much the men in Akatsuki would tell her she _did_ belong to them, Sakura was vehemently against ever joining their organization or ever spending more time with any of them than necessary. Being in Akatsuki would eliminate the distance (however small) she still had between them and her.

And Pein knew all that.

He just didn't care.

Madara walked up next to Pein, an identical smirk in place. "But, love, just think about how often you'll get to see me if you were in Akatsuki."

Sakura just narrowed her eyes at him.

She wasn't completely sure what Madara's role in Akatsuki was. She knew he had a hand in it, and he seemed to have some measure of power, but how vast it was, Sakura didn't know. He was a founder of it, or something. Maybe he'd even been a member before. At least that was her theory.

"_Riiigggghhhhhttt_," Sakura slurred, rolling her eyes. If she kept it up, she'd go blind. "Because I don't already see you enough. Never mind the random times I come home and find you've somehow picked the lock and are sitting on my couch, waiting for me like the creeper you are. Or the times I get an emergency appointment only to find you in a hospital room with your shirt off demanding a physical."

Actually, Madara wasn't the only Akatsuki member or Uchiha to do this to her. After a while and many men-shaped dents in her living room ways, Sakura had demanded that if they were going to break into her apartment anyways, they could _at least_ bring her some takeout.

And there was Madara, suddenly in front of her. How he moved that fast, she never knew. And – fuck it – he was purring again. "Don't you like seeing your future husband when you get home from a long day of work? I even run you a bath for you to relax in!" he pouted.

Sakura just looked at him. Blinked. "A bath that just so happens to have you in it."

Madara just grinned mischievously at her and continued to pet her hair.

There was a loud crash from behind Sakura. "BITCH! YOU'RE NOT EVEN FUCKING WATCHING ME!" Hidan yelled this from across the room.

From what Sakura could tell, Kakuzu had taken his scythe away and thrown it into a weapons rack on the far wall, hence the loud crash. His projectile had crossed the path of Naruto and Sasuke, however, and from the look on Naruto's face, Hidan's scythe had very nearly impaled him, as he now was looking down at his stomach and over to where the scythe was imbedded into the wall, and back again, fingering the large rip on his neon orange shirt.

_Damn it_, it still had the egg stain on it.

Hidan was now flat on the ground, Kakuzu behind him with both his whips tangled around Hidan's face and neck, which were what Sakura assumed were the only things keeping Hidan from lunging at her. His arms were even stretched out, clawing at the ground towards her. Kakuzu tightened his hold on his neck, making Hidan release an ugly gagging sound.

She idly wondered why he'd want her to watch him while he's on the ground, disarmed, and when he quite obviously does not have the upper hand.

But then Sakura realized it was because Hidan was a sadist, and that thinking about it any further would get her nowhere in life. In fact, she highly suspected that if she gave any real thought to the men around her and tried to figure them out, she'd die of brain damage and the pure bodily rejection of impossible things.

Yeah.

Kakuzu's green gaze met her own she mouthed a silent _thank you_ to him.

He just kept starring at her until Hidan's loud string of curses followed by choking sounds brought his attention back to the silver haired man. He nonchalantly stepped on Hidan's neck.

Sakura chose to ignore that part of the room about then.

Unfortunately, that brought her attention back to Madara and Pein. And, oh, there was Tobi, jumping around Naruto and fussing about meanie Hidan and being careful with pointy objects. Tobi hoped over to where Hidan and Kakuzu were, also drawing Sakura's gaze there again as well, and pointed furiously while waving his hands at Hidan, who looked ready to kill.

Well.

Hidan always looked that way, so it was a moot point.

Madara was suddenly gone from her side, not that she was complaining. But it became immediately apparent that it was just another pervert for a pervert swap, so fuck it all.

Slim fingers found their way around Sakura's face, and she was pulled away from the sight of Hidan and Tobi (or, as she liked to think of it as, destruction and chaos) to look into ringed eyes.

Pein caressed her face, rubbing his thumb over her lips. "You may even enjoy the benefits of the Akatsuki," he said and smirked down at her. Sakura slightly shivered under his gaze. She chalked it up to being sweaty and the air conditioning turning on. Yeah, that was it.

Sakura raised a delicate eyebrow at him. "If by benefits you mean having to endure _that_," she waved an arm in the direction of Tobi and Hidan, who had escaped Kakuzu's binds and was now wrestling with Tobi on the floor, both moving so fast Sakura's tired eyes couldn't keep up with them, and Naruto had come out of his post-near-death-stupor and was about to get in on the action, yelling about the blasphemy that was ripping his orange shirts. Sasuke was sulking somewhere in the corner, prone to his ways, "on a daily basis, then thanks, but hell no, not gonna happen in this century."

Pein never moved his ringed gaze from her, and Sakura found she had trouble doing the same. He smoothed a hand over her cheek and leaned in until his lips touched her ear. "Those are not the benefits I was referring to."

And then the bastard licked her.

And she felt the ring on his tongue.

Oh, _god_.

She must have said that out loud, because Pein chuckled next to her ear and leaned back to look into her eyes again. "Now that's what I like to hear." And he smirked.

Without thinking, Sakura brought her right leg up. But Pein was Pein, and he was one of the best fighters in the room, even better than Tobi, and he swiftly stepped out of Sakura's range.

Sakura brought her leg down so hard it seemed the ground shook a little.

It wasn't only her who seemed to notice this, however, because Pein continued to watch her, and as her leg came down his grin only got wider. "One day," he promised, in something that mirrored a whisper and a caress and a threat, all wrapped in one, "I will immensely enjoy bestowing those benefits onto you."

Sakura just stared at him, her mouth gaping a little bit. Her eye may or may not have twitched.

Then she made a very unattractive snort. "Dream on, buddy."

She didn't expect it. Not in her wildest dreams did she expect what happened next to happen.

Pein appeared in front of her once again, able to move as fast as Madara had, and pinned her to the wall behind her, her arms raised up next to her head, his large hands wrapped around her tiny wrists, and, oh, god, she could really, _really_ feel his tongue ring now.

Oddly enough, it was not his tongue ring as it explored her mouth that held all her attention. No, her attention was split between the tongue ring and his hands on her wrists, because even though she knew he had slammed her into the wall behind her, he'd also cushioned her, making sure she wasn't hurt. His thumbs traced the insides of her palms, drawing circles, and it was one of the most sensual things Sakura had ever experienced. His grip was loose enough that it registered somewhere in Sakura's brain that she could break out of it, but she was too shocked to move for a few precious moments.

She had gasped when he'd suddenly appeared in front of her, which was why Pein was able to get his tongue in her mouth like he had.

And then there was that _fucking_ tongue piercing.

Sakura choked back the groan as it made its way up her throat. She hadn't thought she'd ever _like_ something like a tongue piercing. Actually, Sakura had never thought about what a tongue piercing would feel like because she'd never imagined kissing _Pein_.

Most of the time, the men who tried to accost Sakura and kiss her or feel her up where the ones like Hidan and Deidara and Sasori and Madara, but never Pein. Never Pein.

He'd flirt shamelessly with her, sure. He'd touch her and caress her, but never _this_.

It was so much gentler than she'd expected it to be. She had come to expect kisses from these men to be like Hidan – aggressive and unyielding.

But Pein wasn't making this a dominance battle. He was making it a give-and-take. He'd push her, but he expected her to push him back. He wanted a balance in her.

Pein had once told her that he wanted that fire in her eyes. Sakura had been confused as to what he meant, but he simply said, "Even when you are calm, you have this inferno in your eyes, like you're ready for anything, like you can take and devour anything and everything, and that you won't give a damn if the whole world burns down while you do it. But the second someone you care about is hurt, it takes over, consuming you and everyone around you."

Pein had caressed her chin and lips at this point and looked straight into her green eyes, and Sakura had the thought that the spark he told her about – that if it even existed – was mirrored in his own. He had brushed some pink hair out of her eyes. "I want to kindle it," he had continued, and Sakura had watched in fascination as his various piercings moved along with his voice and expression. "I want to kindle that fire and watch it consume _everything_ around it."

And, at the time, Sakura had believed him, completely and utterly.

Pein was the type of person you could just melt into. The kind who you knew would be so completely protective and obsessive of you, that you could give everything and feel relieved.

But he was also the kind of person who would push Sakura. Push her until she wanted to break, but who would be there to pick up the pieces, and tell her she was strong because of it.

Sakura knew all this. She understood this.

And ever since Pein and she had met, he'd done just that. Push her to be stronger, made her stronger through his skills and fighting.

And she pushed him right back.

Sakura believed that was partly why he was so obsessed with her. She wasn't afraid of his strange, ringed eyes or his multiple piercings or his red hair, all of which combined made one hell of an appearance.

If he was going to push her, she was going to push him right back.

And she did. She pushed against him as he kissed her like her life depended on it, and she broke his grasp on her. She tore her mouth away from his and looked dead into his gray eyes, and did a roundhouse kick so fast not even Pein was quick enough to dodge it.

When he landed on his back a few feet away from Sakura, she grinned down at him, a Cheshire smile if there ever was one, and said, "You didn't protect your blind side."

He blinked up at her for a moment, before relaxing on the floor and chuckling. "I suppose I didn't," he said, looking up at her through his hair, "but don't think that was enough to make me loose."

She grinned back at him, all flaming eyes and glistening skin, and for a moment, Pein could swear his heart stopped.

Pein swallowed down the lump in his throat, and didn't let a damn thing show. "Don't think because you won a battle you won the war, little Sakura-_hime_."

* * *

Author's Note: Umm . . . so, yeah. This happened. Not really sure how, but it did. Again, this is Sakuraxharem. If that ever changes (which I sincerely doubt) I would let ya'll know.

I received a request from the lovely sLiCeOfLiFe to add more Pein, and I saw that when I was actually in the middle of writing this chapter, and so this happened. I think I'm happy with it. Are you guys happy with it?

If anyone wants to see more moments of Sakura interacting with one of the guys in the story, leave me a message and I will try to do my best. No promises, but telling me which guy ya'll like reading about the most helps me and my writing juices.

Thanks for all the reviews and/or favorites! It inspires me and makes me all-around happy. :]


	7. Chapter 7

Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

Sakura showered with the viciousness that could have been accommodated with the intensity of Naruto and a ramen stand in sight.

It wasn't that she meant to. It was that she was forced to. There were perverted men about, after all.

She designated Naruto, Sasuke, and Tobi to be her watchdogs during this time. Those three were the only ones she trusted (somewhat. Maybe. Okay, fine, they were just the lesser of the evils, okay?) not to completely jump her while she was in the shower.

She trusted Naruto and Sasuke because they'd actually seen her in the nude before (in fairness, she'd seen them in the nude too. They'd known each other for a _looonnngggg_ time, after all. It wasn't even weird anymore. Mostly) and they were ridiculously protective of her and her innocence.

In fact, they probably would have taken up their designated positions outside her bathroom door even if she hadn't dragged them both by the collar of their shirts and placed them in their spots like the watchdogs they were.

Naruto would have yelled about how he and the teme needed to protect Sakura-chan from the bastard men around, all the while growling under his breath. Sasuke would have gone along with the dobe because that was simply what he did in life. He went along with stuff she and Naruto dragged him into. And while she knew he'd grumble and whine the whole way, she also knew Sasuke was also extremely protective of her.

Actually, now that Sakura thought about it, they were more possessive of her than simply protective.

Sakura trusted Tobi because . . . well, he was _Tobi_.

Enough said.

Sakura was never really sure what Tobi's obsession with her extended to. It was blatantly obvious any of the other males would gladly jump into her pants given half the chance (and less than that, really), but Tobi was . . . more reserved than that, so to say.

Sure, Tobi acted childish and hyper all the time, but then there were those moments when he'd be so serious it scared her, and his voice would drop a few octaves. It happened so few times Sakura was never completely sure which one was the false mask he took on; the one he was incognito in.

Tobi had kissed her before . . . but only on her cheek and hair. He never tried to stick his tongue down her throat. He never tried to barge in on her while she was changing.

If anything, Tobi was like Naruto and Sasuke, where he would be more likely to drag another perverted male out by the hair if they so much as tried to sneak a peek at Sakura, which was why she picked him as her third watchdog.

There was also Kisame and Kakuzu, but she was less naïve with those two, and understood while they would be protective of her, they also might not let a chance to be a Peeping Tom slide by.

However, Sakura was still hoping that they would be able to keep the ones like Hidan and Madara in check. While all the males would want to barge in on her, she didn't _think_ all of them would actually fight Naruto, Sasuke, and Tobi for a chance.

But Hidan, Madara, Deidara, and Shisui were another story.

Even on Sakura's busiest days, when she'd get home from the hospital or was getting ready in the morning, already running ten minutes late, she had never taken such a quick shower before.

She squirted too much body soap into her hand. Rubbed her scalp too hard. She was pretty sure she even got a few clumps of pink hair out because she rinsed so hard. At one point, she tasted the spicy tang of Sasuke's soap in her mouth, and she had momentarily choked on the taste.

"SAKURA-CHAN, MY LOVE, NEVER FRET! I'LL HELP YOU – GET _OFF ME_ YOU LITTLE CRETINS! DO YOU NOT HEAR MY FUTURE WIFE DROWNING IN THERE!?"

She was taking a _shower_, for fuck's sack. How was she supposed to _drown_?

"SAKURA-CHAN, YEAH! I'LL HELP YOU GET THE SOAP OUT OF YOUR EYES, UN!"

Again, how did her _coughing_ become a result of soap in her eyes?

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT! THE FINE BITCH NEEDS ME IN THERE – OUCH! WHAT THE FUCK, STICH FACE!? LET GO OF MY FUCKING NECK, SHE NEEDS ME TO WASH HER BACK!"

She vowed to spend some extra time with Kakuzu later.

"SAKURA-CHAN! DO YOU NEED A TOWEL? DON'T WORRY! THE TEME AND I WON'T LET ANYONE IN SO LONG AS WE'RE AROUND, BELIEVE IT!" And there was Naruto, who sometimes was just the best thing ever in Sakura's life. A loud _thump_ and irritated _Hn_ came from outside the door, and then rambunctious laughter that could only belong to Kisame. "I'M COVERING MY EYES AND COMING IN, SAKURA-CHAN!"

_What._

Sometimes Naruto could be smart and kind and not a complete pain in her ass.

This was not one of those times.

Sakura was mostly done with her shower by then, and she was about to step out and wrap herself in one of the too-fluffy towels spread out across the room (which, by the way, had more towels in the one guest bathroom than Sakura had in her entire apartment), when she heard the doorknob jiggle.

Sakura panicked and shot furious glances at the door, her apple green eyes wide as she focused solely on getting the towel wrapped around her body, covering as much as she was able. "_NO_. NO, NARUTO! I HAVE A TOWEL; I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GOOD. DO NOT OPEN–"

But then she heard a sharp click, which, to Sakura, was the equivalent to the sound of the door to hell opening, and she realized that the _little shit_ had broken the damn lock and, oh, she was not paying for that either–

But instead of the vibrant blonde head sticking in like she was expecting, Sakura saw long, dark hair, and prepared herself by picking up the closest thing next to her – which happened to be a blow-dryer, one of the good, hefty kinds, too – and had a momentarily panic attack thinking it was Itachi, that the little weasel had somehow bypassed Naruto and Sasuke and Tobi, and thank god she had a towel wrapped around her now, but she was still going to fucking _kill_ the man.

It was Mikoto.

And there was Sakura, standing in the guest bathroom in nothing but a fluffy black towel and all dripping pink hair, yielding a blow-dryer like it was a common day spear, looking like she was pulling back to launch it at a lion.

To be fair, if it _had_ been Itachi, it would have been a goddamn smart position, too.

Sakura froze. Mikoto took in her present position like it was nothing, and since Mikoto was a Uchiha, and she undoubtedly had to deal with more bullshit going on around her all the time, thanks to men like Madara and Shisui, she took it all in stride.

Mikoto smiled at Sakura.

Sakura flinched. "How did you–" _Get past all the men_, she was going to say. But then realized she was the Uchiha matriarch, and saying she _couldn't_ bypass a swarm of men easily without being noticed was the equivalent to saying Deidara _didn'_t shampoo and condition twice a day.

Say what you will about the gifts and talents of the men outside the bathroom door – _jeez_, she could hear the scratching at the door now, most likely because at least one of the men had noticed the door open a crack and then shut again, thinking one of them had breached the barrier without them, the jealous pricks – but Sakura knew that Mikoto was the most devious and conniving of them all.

Mikoto just continued to smile innocently at her, holding up the garment in her arms like it was finely spun gold. Well, it might actually be, now that Sakura thought about it. "I brought you some clothes," Mikoto sang giddily to Sakura.

Sakura eyed up the window that was about the size of her head and didn't even open. Maybe if she hit it just right way with the blow-drying and had enough momentum–

But either Mikoto saw the ideas flash through Sakura's eyes or just had impeccable mind reading skills (could be either, really), because she pulled Sakura by the wrist away from the window, and before she could so much as get a word out, there was Mikoto, who somehow got the towel off Sakura without her even noticing, and now Sakura was standing there in the nude, in front of the Uchiha matriarch, and she prayed right then and there that Kami would have pity on her and let her drop dead.

Mikoto caught the hand Sakura was using to still clutch the blow-dryer and swiftly took it into her own hand, and suddenly there was also a brush in her other hand, and, oh, god, that _glint in her eyes_.

Sakura swallowed thickly.

She was then twisted, straightened, and pulled at until her mid-length pink hair was to Mikoto's satisfaction, bouncy and light atop her head. By the end Sakura was a little light headed.

Sometimes during this Mikoto had gotten Sakura into some new undergarments, so she wasn't just sitting there naked. Mikoto had said she'd had someone run out and get her some things earlier, and the rest was in the guest bedroom closet for the rest of her stay.

Sakura imagined lingerie in red and black and little Uchiha fans placed in specific places. She knew that when Mikoto said _a few little things_ she actually meant _your new wardrobe for when you move in_. No doubt there was also an order placed for hand-made clothes in Sakura's size, all with the Uchiha crest on the back.

It worried Sakura a bit that Mikoto somehow knew her bra size without having ever asked her.

Then Mikoto produced her clothes.

Huh.

It wasn't as bad as Sakura expected.

She had been expecting some heavy, old-fashion kimono, similar to the ones Mikoto usually wore.

Mikoto must have seen the look on Sakura's face. "It's from when I was younger," Mikoto answered her unspoken question. "I was already engaged to Fugaku by the time I was your age."

It was a skirt that went to about Sakura's knees, teal in color with shorts underneath, and a slightly oversized black shirt, which could open at the front and went down in a V-neck. The sleeves went down below Sakura's elbows, and the rest of the shirt was tucked into the skirt. And, of course, there was a large Uchiha fan on the back of it.

It was a mix between traditional Japanese clothes and durable, movable clothes.

It didn't particularly matter to Sakura. Sure, the shirt went a little low in front for her liking, but it was super comfortable and seemed like something she could easily move in (all the better to defend herself against the perverted males outside the bathroom door in).

Mikoto took a step back and admired her handiwork, and then grinned at Sakura. "I always wanted a daughter," she said, surprising Sakura. But she was quick to also say, "I love Itachi and Sasuke, of course. But I wouldn't have minded having a girl for me to dress up and play with." She looked so soft and sad in that moment that Sakura almost felt sorry for her.

Sakura's lips twitched and she eyed Mikoto from the corner of her eye. "From what I understand you had your fun dressing up Sasuke when he was younger, though."

Mikoto just grinned devilishly at her. "I had to have _some_ fun with two boys. And Sasuke was just so _cute_ when he was a baby; I couldn't resist."

There had been one day a few years ago when Sakura was visiting the Uchiha mansion and had gotten separated from Sasuke and Naruto, and she had rounded a corner to only be pulled into an adjacent room by someone, momentarily scaring the living crap out of her as she swung to face whoever her capturer was. But it was only Mikoto who winked at her.

"I want to show you something," Mikoto had said mysteriously, eyes heavy lidded and a wicked smile tugging at her lips. Sakura had eyed her skeptically, and realized with a feeling of dread that Fugaku was gone and Sasuke had warned Sakura how his mother could get when she was lonely.

But Mikoto had just pulled out a baby photo album and begun to show Sakura the best thing she'd ever seen.

Sasuke as a baby.

Dressed up in baby clothes.

_Girl_ baby clothes.

"I thought he was going to be a girl," Mikoto had said wistfully. "I had all these little girl clothes for when he arrived; I wasn't just going to _waste_ them."

And there were photos of Sasuke, dark eyed and hair, grinning into the camera in his little yellow sundress with tiny daffodils dotting his outfit, chubby little arms crossed behind him shyly. His hair was still short, but there was an overly large pink bow tied to the top of his head.

And then there was one with him on a swing set, not looking at the camera but laughing at something he saw to his left, little arm pointing and mouth open mid-sentence. His eyes were bright and he was in pink overalls and little yellow sandals, front teeth promptly missing.

And there was one with him and Itachi (who also looked ridiculously adorable) and Itachi's ponytail was still growing out, so it was only a little stub at that point, and Sasuke was standing on his tippy-toes to land a wet kiss on Itachi's face. Sasuke was wearing a blue skirt and flower top, with the words _Mommy's Little Sunshine_ decorating it. Itachi had never looked so happy.

Sakura had calmly, oh-so calmly, asked if she could get some copies.

They were currently hidden in a shoebox under Sakura's bed back at her apartment. They never ceased to make Sakura feel better about her life when she looked at them on a bad day.

Also, blackmail.

Sweet, _sweet_ blackmail.

But Mikoto had another reason for showing Sakura Sasuke's baby photos. "If he had been a girl," Mikoto had said innocently, "just think how he might have looked. He could have had different colored eyes or hair, and he wouldn't style it in that ridiculous way he has it in now." Sakura had to bite her tongue at that, and force back the words _duck butt hair_. "He could have inherited my grandmother's blue eyes or my mother's hair." Mikoto looked at Sakura expectantly. Sakura had slunk back hesitantly. "He could have had green eyes or . . . or . . ." Mikoto waved her hands around in exasperation, not fooling Sakura one bit. "He could have had _pink_ hair, even," she laughed, high-pitched and wantonly.

Mikoto glanced at Sakura then, eyes twinkling. "He would have been so _cute_ with pink hair, wouldn't he?"

Sakura had just nodded dumbly, slowly backing towards the door, ignored the muttered longings of _grandchildren_ and _pink hair_ and _red eyes_ and _oh, Sakura my dear, you just look _so good_ in red and black, don't you think? _coming from Mikoto at the time.

Sakura had somehow made it out alive back then. Now, however, she was dressed in old engagement Uchiha clothes and being prettied about by the same Uchiha matriarch.

Kami help her.

Mikoto exited the bathroom first. _To coerce some the men into helping me around the house_, she had said.

Which really meant: _To take away the men who are not Uchihas, so the Uchiha men can bask in the image of you in my old clothes_.

When Mikoto was gone, and the yelling and some half-hearted protesting started outside the bathroom door, Sakura again eyed the small, bolted shut window.

She sighed.

She knew that attempting to slink past the men unseen would prove to be a fruitless endeavor, so she just decided to get it over with and opened the door.

True to her words, Mikoto was gone with what looked to be some of the men in the room (all not Uchihas, of course). The remaining men, however, gazed upon Sakura hungrily.

Even Naruto, Sasuke, and Tobi stopped what they were doing to stare. It appeared Sasuke was wrestling with Itachi, who was on top of Sasuke trying to get his foolish little brother to stop pulling on his hair. Naruto was on the floor with Shisui, who had one hand smothering Naruto's face, squishing his cheek into the floor while Naruto had one leg wrapped around Shisui's waist. (Why, yes, Sakura did think of a few remarks she could make about their position and Naruto's past with the _bondage incident_.) And Tobi was on top of Madara, both of which had hands wrapped around each other's necks, both wide-eyed as they gazed upon Sakura.

Sakura gulped thickly as she saw all the Uchihas' eyes flash red.

An arm slunk around Sakura's waist and a long, slender finger touched her cheek, turning her head away from the prying red gazes from one side of the room to look into quite different hooded honey brown eyes.

However different the color the eyes might be, the lust and longing was still there, though.

Sasori smirked down at her and racked his gaze across her figure, slowly and languidly. He made a sound of approval as one hand brushed through her cherry pink hair. "I must say, Mikoto-san knows what she's doing," he said, leaning his head in to nuzzle the crook of her neck. "You look precious, doll."

"Sasori-danna, yeah!" Deidara yelled. "Let go of Sakura-chan!"

"_Che_, brat," Sasori kept his face buried in Sakura's neck, and she felt his hot breath tickle her skin. "You don't know how to appreciate beauty at its finest."

"Sakura-chan doesn't fit into your eternal piece of crap, yeah!" And there was Deidara, who had come up on Sakura's other side and was now burying his own face into the part of Sakura's neck that was not occupied by Sasori. "Sakura-chan's beauty is a bang, yeah! It's the fire in her eyes, there and gone in an instant!"

Sasori sighed heavily, like he had to explain the most simplistic of concepts to a child. Which, Sakura supposed, was how Sasori saw most of his conversations with Deidara going. "Brat, her perfection is everlasting; the fire in her eyes isn't gone in a fleeting moment. It's eternal; it's a part of who she is and always will be."

He lifted his head just enough to glare at Deidara on the other side of Sakura. "Now go away. I've been patient and waiting for the doll to come back out. I want to," and here Sasori paused, looking down at Sakura hungrily, rubbing his lips along her cheek, "appreciate beauty at it's finest accordingly."

"Sasori-danna! Your idea of art is so skewed it's not even funny, yeah!"

Well, maybe _conversation_ was a bit of stretch.

It was more like an old married couple bickering about what kind of spice was in the cookies they were eating at their favorite bakery, and it was the same argument that had been going on for the last twenty-two years.

When, really, there was no secret spice in the cookies in the first place.

Sakura slunk away from the two males, who didn't even notice her tiptoeing away because they were so caught up in their argument that would never have a resolution.

Sakura couldn't give two shits about what art was or wasn't, really.

Unfortunately, Sakura couldn't get very far in the room she was in without running into another male, and this was one she had really, really hoped not to see anytime soon.

Wishful thinking, honestly.

Ringed eyes and glints of metal were the first things Sakura noticed. And then that damn smirk.

"_Angel_," Pein purred, trying to wrap his arms around her. He leaned forward towards her. "I never got to thank you for . . . _before_."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. Then she smirked.

Twisting out of his range, Sakura grabbed hold of one of his arms and twisted. _Hard_.

Pein was too dignified to make a sound of pain, but his eyes widened at Sakura's actions and the fact he hadn't jumped away in time. The fact that he hadn't even _seen_ what she was going to do beforehand. His arm was behind him in Sakura's hold, and he was bent over a little ways from the angle she was holding him at.

She grinned at him. "This is _my_ thanks for earlier, you asshole," she said.

Pein knew Sakura was angry at him, was pissed off at his earlier actions, but this, in fact, was what he loved the most about her. That she wouldn't swoon or get mushy eyed or embarrassed, but would retaliate in her own way and in her own time.

This was how he got to see the fire in her eyes spark and become an inferno, and he'd gladly become the target of her fury if he just got to see it.

Sakura was the type of person who could hold grudges. She could bottle her resentment or hate or embarrassment and wait, wait oh-so patiently, until she could get the upper hand. She could forgive easily, yes, but wasn't going to go easy on someone like Pein.

Someone laughed from the doorway, loud and grizzly-like. "Nice move, squirt," Kisame grinned widely at her. "You're quiet the force to be reckoned with to surprise someone like Pein."

Pein chuckled, his deep baritone the perfect example of seduction and sin. "Well played, my angel." He looked back at her and swiftly moved out of her hold in one move. He stepped forward until he was directly in front of her, her eyes wide and her pink mouth open a little bit at how easily he escaped her hold.

He tucked a stray piece of pink hair behind her ear. "But I'm nowhere near done yet."

Despite her surprise at his move, Sakura raised an eyebrow tauntingly. A stupid move, most likely, when it came to someone like Pein, but she just couldn't help herself. "Wasn't earlier enough for you? Or do you still want me to kick your ass?"

Pein chuckled at her antics. "Oh, Sakura-hime," he purred, "I will _never_ have enough of you."

Sakura swatted his wandering hands away from her face and turned to greet Kisame, who was watching the scene unfold between the little spitfire and his leader somewhat enviously and amusingly.

She eyed the room around her hesitantly. "Where's Hidan?" she asked Kisame. "He's waiting for me somewhere so he can jump out and molest me, isn't he?"

Kisame chuckled at her. "Mikoto-san roped him into helping her in the kitchen. No one can say no to her."

Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"Well," Kisame scratched the back of his head, "Hidan may have gotten a little push from Kakuzu to get him out the door."

"And by push you mean a hand around his neck and hair, dragging him out screaming, right?"

Kisame just shrugged, still grinning his sharp toothed smile at her.

Sakura sighed and looked again around the room. Naruto, Sasuke, and Tobi were all holding Shisui, Itachi, and Madara back, respectably, from jumping Sakura, all red eyed and lust-filled faces.

Sakura turned back to look at Kisame, and her look must have told him just how unappreciative she was of this whole situation. "It's still raining, princess," he laughed at how her face fell. "You still have to stay here. Or," he grinned mischievously, "you could still run away with me?" he added hopefully.

Sakura just gave him a half grin and chuckled. "Honestly, that sounds like a better deal to me than staying here at the moment." But the moment she saw that gleam in his shark-like eyes, she quickly added, "Still not accepting your offer, though."

Kisame shrugged good-naturedly. "Can't blame a guy for trying, eh?"

She glanced back over worriedly at her best friends and Tobi struggling to hold back the three Uchiha males. "But I wouldn't mind being kidnapped for a little while, you know, to get away from–"

Yeah, the words weren't even out of her mouth before she was hauled away from the room, quicker than even Pein's ringed gaze and three red pairs eyes could make out.

* * *

Author's Note: I'm putting in a lot of Sakura and Pein interaction, I know. This is still a Sakuraxharem fanfic, so no worries. There should be more Sasori and Sakura interaction taking place soon (I don't know how soon, really. I don't plan out any of my chapters, so I really can't say). I seem to have trouble writing Sasori, don't really know why. Every time I try to write about him, I can't seem to help also writing about Deidara and their bickering like an old married couple about art. Writing block at it's finest.

Also, why does it seem like no one's really updating their fanfics lately? I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like in the last week or so there's been a sudden decrease in updating fanfics (at least a lot of the ones I read). Maybe it's just my imagination and want for an update, though. That could totally be it at this point.

Also, Kisame and Sakura interaction coming up, eh? Yeah, he's so much fun to write.


	8. Chapter 8

Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

Sakura was currently trapped between Kisame and a hard place.

In other words, her face was buried in Kisame's massive, exquisitely well-muscled chest and his rock-hard arms, which were holding her a bit too tightly.

She also could not breathe.

She made some half-hearted attempts to kick Kisame, but even when he was accidentally suffocating her with his chest, he was still one of those guys who was simply too good-natured and fun-loving to honestly attempt to mortally injure. Which was something her kicks were known to do. Especially when certain parts of the male anatomy were involved.

Sakura idly thought that maybe she should have reconstructed her choice of wording from earlier. Maybe saying that she wouldn't mind being kidnapped again was a stupid thing to say in the midst of red eyed Uchihas and a mansion full of men who wanted to jump into her pants. Maybe it was just the _tiniest_ poor choice of words when the whole reason she was even in this predicament was because of a kidnapping via her two best friends.

Maybe.

But Sakura was sometimes hot-headed, and even though she'd deny it to the grave, she had been somewhat unsettled by the roundabout gleam in the men's red eyes when she appeared in Mikoto's old clothes. So, really, none of this was even her fault.

It was her instincts fault, for triggering her fight or flight response, and telling her brain that it was time to get the fuck out of there, and the large, imposing blue man who had practically just offered to take her away was a much better offer than staying in the vicinity of Uchiha men.

Plus, she trusted Kisame.

Sorta.

When her choices were practically any Uchiha man or Kisame, she'd choose Kisame, hands down.

He wouldn't jump her, at least.

Well.

She didn't _think_ so, at the very least. And that was about as good as she was gonna get at that point.

Kisame must have gotten the hint from her gasping and sputtering sounds and the feebly attacks onto his chest (seriously. What the hell was he doing to have a chest like that?) in a desperate attempt to receive oxygen to her poor lungs, because he put her down.

Sakura gasped for air like a puckering fish. "I think" – _gasp_ – "you gave me" – _gasp_ – "whiplash." It was a testimony to how much her lungs hated her at that point that Sakura didn't immediately lash out at Kisame.

Kisame just grinned down at her and shrugged nonchalantly. "Sorry, squirt. The others would have followed if I wasn't fast enough."

Despite his size, Kisame was pretty damn quick when he wanted to be. He wasn't on par with Madara or Itach or Sakura or Tobi or even Shisui, but still. For a giant, it was pretty impressive how fast he could move.

But then again, he did have to tackle men like Deidara and occasionally Hidan (if Kakuzu was indisposed at the moment) from repeatedly jumping Sakura. So. There was that.

Once Sakura could (somewhat) properly breathe again and the black spots left her vision, she looked to where Kisame had dragged her to.

They were in some corridor in the house, she knew that much. Unfortunately, that was about all she knew. Every freakin' hallway in the mansion looked the same to her, and no matter how hard she tried, she was never able to fully understand directions in the house.

Sasuke tried numerous times to explain to her how to navigate her way through the house, but, honestly, Sakura had an inkling that even Sasuke would get confused in his own home. He was just too prideful to show it.

Take a left at the second bathroom on the west side of the house, he would say. Go up the flight of stairs and turn right after you see the gigantic painting depicting Dante's layers of Hell. Go down six doors and you'll find yourself at a crossroad. Go right. Don't miss the painting of a naked lady next to the sculpture of a hell cat on your left-hand side of the hallway, he'd tell Sakura. Sasuke's bedroom would be right after that. But don't go too far, or she'd accidentally enter Itachi's room and all hope would be lost.

Uh-huh.

Good luck with that.

It didn't help matters that even though Sasuke would say things like look for particular paintings or sculptures lining the hallways, in Sakura's humble opinion, they were all the same thing and involved hell and demon cats and naked women. That was basically the overall theme going on. And it didn't help matters that each piece of 'art' cost more than Sakura's apartment and everything she'd ever owned combined.

Don't get her wrong – the mansion was beautiful. She loved it. But some of the 'art' inside was . . . depressing. And weird. But mostly off-putting.

Especially when most, if not all, of the art involved hell and fire and burning pits, and then Sakura would look over her shoulder to find herself staring into a pair (or pairs) of red eyes, courtesy of one or more Uchiha males who had been sniffing her out the minute she entered the mansion.

Once, Sakura had told Mikoto how she felt about the art and the dim lighting in some of the corridors (in her defense, this had been after quite a few mango daiquiris and other miscellaneous, pretty looking liquor related drinks).

Mikoto had laughed and confided to Sakura that she hated all the art too. She'd even tried to get rid of a few of the more . . . odd . . . pieces over the years. The clan elders were on to her, though, after she'd _accidentally_ backed into a priceless life-sized sculpture of one of the Uchiha clan founders. It had been a solid white sculpture except for the eyes, which had been painted red, prideful and smug expression in place.

It was goddamn freaky, in Sakura's opinion.

Suffice it to say the sculpture was Mikoto's least favorite out of them all.

The sculpture had broken into miniscule pieces, therefore ensuring that no one would ever be able to properly piece it back together for display.

The clan elders were – to put it lightly – pissed. But even with all their power, they couldn't really do anything to Mikoto. She was still the Uchiha matriarch, and a powerful one at that.

Looking at Mikoto, she didn't look like much. She was almost as petite as Sakura, and she always had a soft smile gracing her lips.

But the truth of the matter was that she had more ties outside the Uchiha family. If the elders ever tried to do anything to Mikoto, she could very easily put them in her place.

"That's a part of the reason I want you to take my place," Mikoto had once told Sakura, about five daiquiris in, more liquor than artificial flavor. "You're like me. You're one of the few women that can stand up to the Uchiha elders."

And it was true.

When the Uchiha males – particularly Madara – had taken an interest in Sakura, and the clan elders had realized he was serious, they'd made it very clear to Sakura that they weren't really giving her a choice in the matter and that she should be honored that not only one great Uchiha male was interested in her.

It would be her choice, of course, they had told her with a sneer. She could pick which of the bunch she would marry. But since Madara was the highest ranking male among them, it was not so subtly hinted at that it was expected that she'd pick him in the end.

She could take her time in choosing, of course. She could swim among her Uchiha suitors for a few months, maybe a year, but she would then be expected to marry.

Sakura had sat there, calmly listening to the clan elders go on and on about such things, her face lowered and her face devoid of any emotion. She let them go on for what felt like an eternity, until it became abundantly clear that neither any Uchiha – especially Mikoto or Madara – knew she had been called in for this meeting. If they had, they would have been all over the clan elders' asses.

The thought of Madara and Mikoto destroying them all did pop up into Sakura's mind sometime during this meeting, and Sakura couldn't help the small smirk to overcome her face.

Even Fugaku would be disgusted by the clan elders and their rash choices. And it showed how rash they were all being if they honestly thought going against clan members such as Mikoto and Fugaku and the farious Uchiha males was a good idea.

It also showed how rash they were being since it seemed to never occurred to them just who Sakura was such good friends with.

Naruto, for one, would happily slaughter them all if he knew this meeting was going on. He would be backed by the Uzumaki clan, too. His parents loved Sakura like she was their own, and Sakura had spent about as much time at Naruto's home as she had at Sasuke's.

Which was why she hadn't told him or anyone else about the meeting with the Uchiha elders.

The clan elders noticed Sakura's change in expression when she thought about her best friends destroying them. She had a very detailed imagination, and, yes, she could be morbid about these things.

The elders did not appreciate her smirk, however small it was. Never mind that they'd all had a rather large and smug smirk on their faces the moment she'd walked in.

"I do hope you're not taking this lightly, young lady," one of the older elders sneered, and Sakura noticed that the bags under his eyes oddly resembled sagging golf balls. Huh. "It's an honor for someone of your stature to be marrying into the Uchiha clan."

By her statue they meant her no-name family. Not a clan, not a long history of backstabbing and betrayal and more wealth than humanly imaginable obtained through various means.

Sakura had finally lifted her head back and let it tilt to the side. She was now thinking about the Akatsuki getting on these old bags' asses. Now _that_ would be entertaining.

The elders were not amused.

Sakura tuned them out as she replayed some of her more gruesome images in her mind of her friends and suitors getting wind of this meeting. And they would find out, Sakura knew that. There was very little that went past their radar when it came to her.

But she hadn't told them about this meeting the moment she'd gotten the summons because she had wanted to deal with this on her own. She knew very well they could take care of this easily enough, but that wasn't the point.

Sakura had sighed softly, which caused the elder who had been talking to stop short and glare at her. He opened his mouth to no doubt berate Sakura about her insolence and didn't she just understand how lucky she was to receive this opportunity? Honestly, becoming breeding cattle for the Uchiha clan was _such_ a privilege.

These little shits.

Before the elder in question could get any of this out, though, Sakura interrupted him. "As much as I am honored that you think so highly of me to expect me to be thrilled about becoming a part of this royally fucked up clan where you see your own family as nothing more than a means to an end, I will have to respectively decline your offer."

Sakura stood up without looking at the dumbfounded and taken aback expressions of the Uchiha elders' faces. Before she left the room, however, she turned her face back over her shoulder to say, "And by the way, you should all be honored to be blood related to such men. And if you honestly believe for a minute that you could ever successfully pull around any of them to play your little power games without getting severely burned, well," she'd paused and sighed, "you're more of fools than I ever gave you credit for. Have a _splendid_ afternoon gentleman."

And she'd left.

Of course, most of the men had found out about her meeting with the Uchiha elders not even an hour afterwards.

She'd received a call from Naruto and Sasuke first.

"SAKURA-CHAN!"

"Hi, Naruto." She'd winced at the volume of his voice. You'd think that she'd be used to it by now.

"_Sakura_," Sasuke hissed, and she understood that they knew. And if they knew, Mikoto and Fugaku knew. And if they knew, it was most likely Itachi and Madara knew, and if they knew, that meant _everyone_ knew.

Shit.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME AND THE TEME ABOUT THE ELDER MEETING!?"

Sakura winced again. She understood their concern, she really did. But the thing was she knew she could handle it. "Naruto, I was called in at the last minute. There wasn't time or really any reason to call you guys. And you know I can handle this kind of thing."

Silence.

They knew she was right. Even though Sakura wasn't an immediate member of a clan, she was practically a member by proxy of Naruto and Sasuke and the fact they were both clan heirs.

Not to mention she worked in a hospital. And, in Sakura's humble opinion, if you could work in a hospital, you could take any kind of bullshit and deal with it. Especially the kind that dealt with entitled old bats.

Sakura pushed on. "You know I was going to tell you both. But, really, it doesn't matter. I dealt with the elders and everything's fine now."

"That's not the point, Sakura-chan," Naruto whinned over the phone. "You know me and the teme could have dealt with them so you wouldn't have to. We know better than anyone what they can be like."

"Exactly, Naruto-kun," Sakura said, trying to lessen the blow by adding the suffix _-kun_ to his name. He was always on her to do that, and she knew he loved it when she did. "You two have to deal with that bullshit practically every day. It's not that I think you two can't deal with it. Hell, I know that you two could have made them disappear if you really wanted to, but this was something that I could deal with. I don't belong to a clan, so they can't really make me do anything besides give me half-assed threats. And with me being as close to you both, that's all they are. Half-assed. They won't touch me."

Sakura could hear Sasuke groan, and she could picture his eyebrow twitching and a hand running over his face. "This was about my brother and family, wasn't it?" he asked.

"Yes."

A pause. "And what exactly did the elders want from you?"

Sakura winced. This wasn't going to be pretty. "They wanted me to pick a Uchiha man a get married with within the year. Preferably Madara because of his age and high rank within the family," she bluntly said. There was no softening of the blow here.

There were some incoherent sputtering noises on the other side of the phone that Sakura knew belonged to Naruto. Muted curses and mutterings belonged to Sasuke, but neither of them was actually particularly surprised at this news. They all knew the clan elders had been on Madara and most of the other Uchiha males to get married and produce perfect offspring for some time now. Specifically, since they each turned eighteen. They were lucky they had been able to hold off the old bats for that long. It was somewhat normal to get married at sixteen in clans, but that was a long time ago and most clans had stopped that trend. However, that didn't mean the old clan elders were going to give up tradition so easily.

Sakura knew that both Naruto and Sasuke had been received differentiating amounts of pressure from parts of their clans to marry already. But neither Sakura nor her friends in question were worried about ever being forced to marry. Their parents were each powerful even outside their clans, and they'd never allow such a thing to happen.

After both had calmed down (somewhat. Sakura could still hear Naruto screaming in the background incoherently), Sasuke asked the next question. "Do I want to know what you said in return?" Sakura could hear his smirk.

Naruto quieted down enough to hear her reply, from which she recited word-for-word what she said to the elders. By the end, Naruto was laughing so hard she was sure he was on the floor.

Sakura could practically feel the amusement and smugness radiating off Sasuke.

"DON'T WORRY, SAKURA-CHAN! THE TEME AND I WILL MARRY YOU SO THOSE PERVERTS WON'T TOUCH YOU, BELIEVE IT!"

Sakura pulled the phone away from her ear and just starred at it for a moment. _Remember_, she thought, _the hamster is still dead._ She took a breath. "And exactly how would that work, Naruto? I can't be married to both of you." She rubbed the spot between her eyes.

There was a long pause, in which Naruto wound this around in his head, looking for a solution. And then: "I'LL JUST MARRY YOU THEN, SAKURA-CHAN! THAT WAY YOU WON'T BE A DIRTY UCHIHA."

There was an offended huff from the other side of the phone.

"IS THAT MY FUTURE WIFE YOU'RE TALKING TO?" This time Sakura almost threw the phone across the room it was so loud.

"You're both at Sasuke's, aren't you?" Sakura groaned.

Sasuke gave a sound she took as affirmation.

"And I'm guessing everyone in your family already knows about the meeting with the clan elders?" It wasn't really a question, and Sasuke understood that.

There was some scuffling, in which Sakura listened quietly while a tussle ensued over the phone, as Madara wrestled it from Naruto and Sasuke. "SAKURA-CHAN, MY LOVE! I HEARD ABOUT YOUR MEETING WITH THOSE FOOLS! NEVER FRET, MY LOVE, OUR LOVE WILL OVERCOME CLAN PREJUDICES!"

"Hello, Madara," she deadpanned.

And then her apartment door was broken down.

It seemed to be an ongoing habit of everyone's.

"I HEARD ABOUT YOUR FUCKING MEETING WITH THOSE SHITTY OLD BASTARDS. COME ON, STITCH FACE, WE'RE GOING TO FUCK THEIR SHIT UP."

"Hello, Hidan. Kakuzu," she nodded in their direction, already adding up the amount she was going to charge the Uchiha family for the damage to her apartment. It was their fault this was happening, anyway.

Kakuzu read her mind. "You should add interest for the damage," he grunted, eyeing up the door and then turning his green eyes on Sakura. "I can write up an amount for you."

She nodded, not really listening as the dust cleared from the doorway and the rest of the Akatsuki members let themselves in.

At some point she'd let go of the phone and it now rested on the couch she was sitting on. She could hear the yelling of Madara and Naruto and the grunts from Sasuke as they wrestled the phone back and forth, Naruto screaming about dirty Uchihas and how he and Sakura were going to get married.

Obviously, this only made things worse.

Itachi came over and calmly picked up the phone she'd dropped, and placed it next to his ear. "Uncle, little brother," he calmly said, and because it was Itachi saying it, both immediately shut up and listened to him, "the Akatsuki will deal with the elders."

"FUCK YEAH WE WILL," Hidan yelled.

Sakura calmly looked up at Itachi, who was already looking down at her with an unreadable expression. Then she pointedly looked at her broken door both Deidara and Kisame were standing on top of. "I'm not paying for that."

He smirked down at her.

Sasori came over and sat down next to Sakura, pulling her into his lap. He began to pet her hair. "My doll is too good for those bastard Uchiha clan elders to take advantage of," he cooed into her neck. "Don't worry, doll, they won't dare touch you after we're through with them."

Sakura slapped his hands away and made half-hearted attempts to get out of his vise-like grip. "Don't bother. I already took care of it."

"I'm sure you did, squirt," Kisame came over to stand over them both. He gave her one of his toothy grins. "But all the same, we'd like a crack at them too. It's only fair."

Sakura huffed. "I sincerely doubt fairness has anything to do with this."

Kisame shrugged, still grinning down at her.

There was a cold nose touching her neck, and Sakura jumped. "Damnit, Sasori," she growled. "Your nose is cold."

He chuckling, only moving impossibly closer to her. "Then I guess you'll just have to warm me up, doll."

Itachi was still on the phone with Madara, Naruto, and Sasuke. His eye twitched at whatever was being yelled his way. Sakura thought she heard new voices that sounded suspiciously like Tobi and Shisui.

"MEANIE GRANDPAS' ARE PICKING ON SAKURA-CHHHAAAANNNN–"

"GODDAMNIT TOBI, I CAN'T _BREATHE_–"

"SAKURA-CHAN AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED, YOU BASTARD–"

"HN."

"LET GO OF MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR, YOU CRETINS–"

Shit.

During that time, Sakura had done her best to coerce the Akatsuki members out her (broken) door. She'd mostly succeeded, but it was Kisame who was the last one out.

He'd put a massive hand on her shoulder and turned to her, serious. "You know that you can always come to us if you're in trouble," he'd said. "I know that we come off like we're going to kill anyone who touches you, but if that's not what you want, we won't deal with it like that."

Sakura had given him a blank look.

Kisame had laughed uncomfortably, loud and boisterous. "Okay, well, maybe Hidan means it. And sometimes Kakuzu and Sasori . . . How 'bout you just come to me when you don't want us to _actually_ kill someone." He squeezed her shoulder with affection. "And when you _do_ want me to kill someone, of course," he laughed. "I can always kill for you, squirt."

Sakura had eyed him seriously. "You know I don't want you to do that. Especially not for me." He'd opened his mouth, but Sakura cut him off. "No, I mean it. I can fight my own battles. I know you wouldn't think twice about something like this, and I appreciate it, I do, but not for something like this. I can deal."

He'd just starred at her intently. Sakura had stared right back.

He chuckled, finally. "'Kay, squirt. Whatever you say." He moved his hand up from her shoulder to cup her cheek, and Sakura let him. "Just know that even if you don't choose one of us in the end – even if you don't choose someone like me in the end – we'll still always be there for you. Even when you don't need it, and you can fight your own battles better than we ever could, we'll still gladly fight for you."

And Sakura hadn't said anything when he leaned down and kissed her cheek. And then he left her standing in her apartment, on top of her broken door.

It had bothered her how Kisame had said "someone like _me_ in the end."

But it was Mikoto and Fugaku who had actually take care of the clan elders in the end. Sakura was still fuzzy on what exactly was done and/or said, but she never heard or saw the elders again.

Now, as Kisame put Sakura down in one of the many mansion corridors, she was reminded at how even though she wasn't a Uchiha, this place – along with the Uzumaki household – was practically hers.

Sakura didn't have a great relationship with her parents. In fact, she hadn't seen or heard from them since she was sixteen, when she'd left to live on her own. It hadn't been legal at the time, but she'd stayed with Ino for a little while during that time, and despite the protests from both Naruto and Sasuke (and their families. Good god, there had been protests from their families), Sakura had ended up renting a little apartment near the hospital and school.

But that didn't mean she was any less motivated to get the fuck out of the Uchiha mansion once the rain let up, of course.

Kisame was still holding her by the arm, but he was careful not to hurt her with his massive strength. He looked down at her in concern, finally realizing just how out of breath Sakura was after be smothered by his chest.

Sakura gave a weak smile. "It's fine, Kisame."

He didn't look convinced. Sakura straightened her spine and gazed up at him to prove her point.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry, squirt."

She just shook her head at his apology. "I told you, it's fine. And," she looked around, then grinned, "you got me away from their crazy red eyes, which is a plus."

Kisame just shook his head at her. "Those Uchihas are insane."

She eyed him and scoffed. "You're one to talk. And have you _met_ Hidan?" She shook her head and looked around again. There was a picture of woman with one breast bared and looking wistfully off to the side hanging on the wall. Sakura didn't recognize it. "Do you know where we are?"

Kisame looked off to the side and began whistling.

Sakura narrowed her eyes at him. "You've got to be kidding me."

He gave her a shark-y grin. "You think you're the only one to get lost in this house. I had to search for Tobi one time for an hour and a half because he got lost." He shook his head and groaned at the memory. "Kid lives here and still can't find the damn bathroom."

Sakura nodded in understanding.

"To be fair," Kisame said, "you _did_ come out of the bathroom looking like that," he swept an arm at her clothes, like they were going to come alive and bite him, as if to prove his point. "I barely contained myself."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Firstly, I had no choice. You think Mikoto was going to let me leave that bathroom without a Uchiha fan somewhere on my body?" Sakura pointed over her shoulder, where the fan in question was located on her back. "She'd fight me tooth and nail about it, I assure you. Also," she continued, "the difference between them and you is that you didn't tackle me, when they would have had Naruto, Sasuke, and Tobi let them." But then she stopped talking, because she remembered how her two best friends and Tobi had also looked at her.

But Kisame must have seen through her, because he grinned and said, "Those two friends of yours and Tobi were about a second away from grabbing you for themselves. Again," he added.

Sakura shrugged. "Naruto and Sasuke are harmless enough."

He eyed her, unconvinced. "You sure about that, squirt?"

Sakura eyed him right back and raised a delicate eyebrow. "They're harmless compared to the rest of the men in this house."

He shrugged. "Fair enough." But then he peered down at her and she shifted uneasily, shifting her weight onto one foot in preparation of running if she had to. "But you still let me kidnap you."

She rolled her eyes. "Compared to a lot of the men in this house, you're the lesser of the evils. Also, I gave you permission. So I don't think it counts."

Kisame laughed loudly. "One thing I can always count on you for is being honest, at least."

She grinned up at him fondly, and he stopped laughing, moving a hand up but stopping halfway, like he changed his mind at the last second. "You know," he began hesitantly. "I know that you'll probably choose one of them, eventually, but I do hope you know that the rest of us will always be there for you."

He'd said something like that before, and it bothered Sakura. She frowned. "Why do you say things like that?" she asked. "You make it sound like . . ." _Like you've already given up,_ she thought, but didn't dare say it. Because that would mean she didn't want him to give up, and that just wasn't fair to Kisame. Because she didn't like him like that. She didn't like any of them men in the house like that.

Maybe, if things were different, if things weren't so hectic in her life and she could have a moment to think about it, and maybe if the men weren't so pushy towards her sometimes, because that was how they knew to show their affection, things would be different.

Maybe.

But that wasn't going to be today. It wasn't going to be tomorrow, because Sakura wasn't ready for it to be.

And she'd told them all that. Many times. She'd said it as seriously as she could, making sure to not give them any hope, but they still never stopped pushing her. Pushing her to care about them. And she did care for them.

But not how they wanted her too.

And they knew that.

They just didn't care.

Kisame sighed and ran a hand through his blue-tinted hair. "I'm not blind to things," he said, like he was a little defeated. Like he was tired. "I know you'll probably choose someone else. Choose someone like Itachi, but," he paused, and Sakura didn't dare interrupt him, "I'm in love with you, Sakura, and I'm not going to stop fighting for you."

"Okay," she said dumbly. Because that was all she could say. Anything else would be leading him on. "Kisame, I–"

He kissed her, softly. He didn't pin her to the wall, didn't touch her anywhere else. He just kissed her with his mouth, and her mouth, and it was pink to blue, and it matched.

It was over before she could react. It was a simple mouth-to-mouth, closed lip-to-closed lip kiss, and it was so sweet Sakura almost choked right then and there.

He grinned down at her after, and she was taken aback by how much he had to bend over to reach her like that. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to do that, at least once."

"Don't be." Stupid, stupid Sakura. Is that leading him on? "I mean–"

"I know, squirt. Don't worry; you're not leading me on. I know where I stand." He always knew exactly what she was thinking, and the fact that she hadn't been able to form a coherent sentence was messing with her insides. A lot of things were messing with her insides.

She kind of wanted to cry, and it was somewhat laughable that right after a kiss she wanted to cry. But she did. She did want to cry, because that kiss was probably one of the sweetest she'd ever received. And it hurt somewhere deep that she didn't feel the same for Kisame.

But, thank Kami, Kisame didn't notice this about her. And if he did, he didn't show it. Instead, he pointed down the hall and said, "Down that way is the living area. I don't think anyone will be in there." And then he was gone. Just like that.

It bothered her he said "someone like Itachi." Like being someone like Itachi was someone more, someone better. And on a level, Sakura got that. Being Itachi was like being the moon. She used to think of Naruto and Sasuke in that way, once upon a time, when she still wasn't quite used to the men they grew up be, and Naruto was the sun and Sasuke was the moon, and she was somewhere in the middle.

But still. To be someone like Itachi or Sasuke was like being the moon, and being someone like Naruto was like being the sun, but being someone like Kisame was like being the earth. Solid, unmoving.

Sakura hated that Kisame had said that, and it kind of pissed her off too. Being like Itachi. Being someone like Itachi.

What the fuck did she care about being with someone like Itachi? She cared about being with someone real. That wasn't to say Itachi wasn't real, because he was, but to compare yourself to someone like Itachi – to _anyone_ – was like comparing Naruto and Sasuke, and it wasn't going to do a goddamn good thing. You can't compare the sun and the moon, and that was just how it was.

And all she could think was, _No. No, Kisame, you have no idea where you stand._

* * *

Author's Note: Well. This somehow became a serious chapter, huh? No idea how that happened, but I'm going with it. :]

I'm sorry this took so long to update. I'm trying, I swear. But, hey, this is a longer chapter. I had trouble sitting down for long enough to write this for some reason.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to review this. I read everything you write.

Also, I think this might be ending soon. How soon, I have no idea. If you haven't figured it out yet, I don't plan out anything I write. It does me no good and then I write nothing but crap. I also almost always write my chapters in one sitting, because then I forget. But. Anyways. This will probably be ending soon, but I may be making a sequel at some point as well. Maybe in the sequel Sakura gets taken to the Uzumaki mansion, eh? (No promises on any of this. I just go with my gut and last minute decisions.)

However, I do want to write one-shots. I have one sorta, kinda written already, but it's not finished. I have many ideas, though. If you'd like, leave me a comment on what you'd like to see for a one-shot with Sakura. It can be a Sakuraxharem again or it could be a Sakura and one specific person or maybe Sakura and just Uchiha men. I don't really know. But I will say a lot will probably be NarutoxSakuraxSasuke, because I love them all together. You know. When Sasuke isn't off being a little shit. ;]

Again, this is still a Sakuraxharem and will remain so.


	9. Chapter 9

Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

Sakura made her way to the living area, in the direction Kisame had pointed to before disappearing before her eyes. She was a little embarrassed to admit that even though he had literally pointed in the direction to go, Sakura still got a little turned around.

Goddamn huge house and its goddamn ridiculous maze-like corridors. Goddamn it all.

A part of Sakura fully expected to be lunged at the moment she entered the living area, but Kisame had been right, and there wasn't anyone there when she peaked hesitantly around the corner. At least no one she could see. It was fully possible one of the perverted men was just hiding around the corner or in the shadows, waiting to snatch Sakura when she least expected it. In that case, Sakura was also fully ready to roundhouse kick anyone who touched her.

But, really, even if someone jumped her right then, Sakura probably wouldn't have noticed. She was still too hung up on her conversation with Kisame and what he had inferred.

He loved her.

It wasn't a surprise, particularly. Sakura got the daily (sometimes hourly) dedications of undying love from many of the men, particularly Madara and Tobi, and Sakura had become somewhat accustomed to it. As accustomed to it as she could be, anyways.

When the men like Madara said those three words, Sakura would brush it off, not really convinced. It wasn't that she didn't believe that Madara cared for her in an extreme way – even a blind man could see he cared deeply for her. But he was so foolish about it all. Joking about being her future husband and whatnot. In a way, it made it all less real, less important to Sakura. It didn't make her panic like it would have if it had felt heartfelt and intense.

When Tobi told her he loved her, Sakura felt like a big sister or mother to him. Not a romantic kind of love, really. He said it in his childish way, and Sakura would just smile and pat him on the head, not panicking when he would land a wet kiss on her cheek or forehead. She didn't feel like anything was expected of her when Tobi was with her like that. She liked it that way, honestly.

But when someone like Kisame told her he loved her, well, it was different. Someone like Kisame didn't just say things like that without fully meaning it. And it scared the living shit out of Sakura.

Kisame was like her protector, her big brother. Never mind how she felt her gut squeeze up when he confessed to her, or how her mind stopped spinning when he kissed her, for that single, still moment.

Sakura knew she wasn't in love with Kisame, not like he was with her, anyways. And that was why she'd keep fighting him, fighting everyone in that house. Because anything else was leading them on, really.

But it still bothered her, intensely, about what he'd said about himself compared to _"someone like Itachi."_

Someone like Itachi.

Someone like Itachi was intense, adorable if they knew him well enough, a lady killer.

Someone like Kisame.

Someone like Kisame was gruff and fun-loving, scary to look at but warm-hearted.

Sakura could give a long list about the traits of each man in that house, and it wouldn't make a damn difference. She loved certain things about each of them, the traits each of them having not making one greater or better than another.

It was like when Sakura used to compare herself to Ino when they were younger. The pretty little blond haired girl. Outgoing, loud, and pretty without a too large forehead. Sakura had thought she was ugly and undesirable when she was young, before Ino had come along and pulled her out of the shadows, away from the taunting and the empty home she grew up in. Ino had made her feel wanted, pretty. Ino had kicked the boys who picked on her. Ino had been her first girlfriend.

And then Naruto and Sasuke came along. And Naruto was in love with Sakura, and Ino was in love with Sasuke, and Sakura was just thanking Kami to have friends, to have a place to go to with other people to escape her empty home with parents who sometimes forgot she was even around.

Ino came from a clan too. Not as high or important as Naruto or Sasuke, but a clan nonetheless, and at first, this had terrified Sakura. But after meeting Ino's father and family, and been introduced to the other clan members like Shikamaru and Hinata, Sakura found that even though she hated going home to her empty house with gone parents, she still thanked Kami every day that she hadn't been born into a clan.

Mostly, this had to do with the clan elders. Insane, backstabbing bastards, all of them. On more than one occasion Sakura had overheard differentiating clan elders speak ill of her, telling her friends that Sakura wasn't a member of any clan and had no decent connections, and therefore their friendship with her was a moot point.

It was beyond satisfying when all of her friends had politely – and not so politely, in the case of Ino and Naruto – told their elders to shove it.

Once Sakura was able, she left her empty house, and besides the odd phone call of holidays and birthdays, never spoke to her family. It wasn't particularly sad on her part, mostly because moving out and never really speaking to her parents wasn't all that different from how it had always been. The only difference was that now Sakura had bills to pay.

Sakura wasn't like Ino, where she could sashay her hips down the street and attract the attention of every man – and the envying glances of women – within the immediate premise. She wasn't like Hinata, who had her shy looks and beautiful eyes, who could capture the hearts of everyone around her with one shy look and nervous flitter of her fingers.

No. Sakura wasn't the first person people noticed when entering a room. But she was the one people left thinking about.

For a while, all this had bothered Sakura, before she'd grown into her wide, green eyes and odd pink hair and large hips. Before she realized that she liked being petite and having odd coloring. Before she realized she wouldn't trade her life with any of her female friends.

Sakura was still self-conscious about things about herself, of course. But, in a way, it was healthy to be, so long as it stayed under control. On the days when Sakura woke up with bed hair that just wouldn't lay flat or on the days when she felt sure she had bad breath, but no amount of gum or brushing was fixing that. There were always those days, and they sucked.

But she always thought that if the days come when she woke up next to someone else, someone she loved, she wouldn't want to care what she looked like or what her breath smelled like. She would want to think of them as beautiful, even if they didn't feel that way, and would want them to think of her that way in return. She would want to be able to kiss them first thing in the morning, when neither of them had brushed their teeth and not caring that she hadn't shaved her legs lately and he hadn't gotten a haircut recently. She wanted that easy, nice, peaceful way of loving.

And that was why it was so damn difficult for Sakura to understand Kisame. Sure, she got that he was self-conscious. It was difficult for anyone not to be self-conscious around someone like Itachi.

But Sakura had seen Itachi when he wasn't at his best. She had seen Itachi when he was half-asleep on the couch, glasses pushed up his head, some drool going down his chin while his shirt was pushed awkwardly to the side. She had seen him wake up from this state with his hair in knots and flat on one side from the position he had been sleeping in.

Of course, Itachi was still beautiful in that way he always was, even when he hadn't had a decent shower. But Sakura also thought the same way about Kisame when he would get too excited, and his shark-like teeth would be in full view, his thin lips pulled back too far, and his eyes gleaming. And Sakura never cared. She never thought anything of it, except for the fact that when Kisame was like that Sakura was also inclined to smile too-wide. It was contagious, in a way. When someone else was smiling like no one was watching, like they didn't care how it made them look, how goofy it was, it was almost impossible not to have it rub off on someone else, and then they'd both be grinning like maniacs.

The same went for all the men in the house. She'd seen all of them at their worst. When Sasuke had been berated by his father for the umpteenth time, for not being perfect enough, not being genius enough, even though he was, and that stoic mask would slip, just a bit, and he only ever trusted Sakura and Naruto to see him like that.

Or when Naruto would fail another test, and despite popular belief, would care about this, because even though he would _never give up, believe it!_ sometimes it still hurt _so damn much_ to try so hard, again and again, but not get the payoff.

Or when Hidan would suddenly show up on her doorstep, cursing at her and grinning mischievously at her in the way he could, in the way that would send a spark through her spine and twist some fear into her gut, because it was the look of murder, but also the look of Hidan, just Hidan, and it was just so damn intense. And he would be suddenly so shy and uncertain, shifting from foot-to-foot, and Sakura would notice the blood on his skin and clothes, and would unceremoniously get her first-aid kit and lead him over to her couch, which also had numerous bloodstains from the other occasions he would barge in on her, and Sakura wouldn't ask whose blood it was, because he hadn't come to be interrogated by her. He had just come to be patched up, to not be judged for what he was, even if Sakura didn't agree with it. And he would sometimes just sit there, silently, watching her patch him up, staring at her, and other times he would just be cursing up a storm about that _piece of shit _and _fucking stitch face_ and Sakura would never be able to fully understand what all he was saying, but that also wasn't the point. The point was that for that moment, Hidan hadn't wanted to be alone, so Sakura wasn't going to let him be.

Or when Shisui would come to find her at the hospital, and it would just be a completely shitty day, and Sakura had been chastised one too many times about how to do the simplest of things, because some people were just on power sprees, but it would still hurt, would still hurt so goddman much. Because, yes, she was emotional. Always had been, always would be. And sometimes those little things, that by themselves wouldn't mean a damn thing, but after so much, sometimes Sakura just wanted to curl up and cry.

On those days, Shisui would interrupt her day at the hospital, would take one look at her and announce to everyone that he was taking her out to lunch, peel off his ridiculous incognito mustache, and give a look to everyone to dare to tell Sakura to stay, because he was a Uchiha, and he would pull some heavy power if he needed to.

Sakura, of course, would struggle. She would curse and tell Shisui to leave her alone; she didn't need him to interrupt her work. And he would just let her yell at him, saying things she didn't mean and Shisui didn't care about, and would just give her his goofy grin and drag her to her favorite tea shop. And Sakura would order anything, anything at all, that she wanted, and Shisui would demand to pay for it all. And, sometimes, Sakura would let him, also demanding that, no, even if he was paying this was in no way a date. To that, Shisui would laugh and give her his best _not yet, but soon_ look, the one that would make her grin back at him.

And on those days, going out with Shisui didn't make everything better, not by a long shot, because she still hurt, but it also made her forget for an hour or so, and that wasn't nothing.

And it was because of those things that Sakura vowed to beat some sense into Kisame, and his beauty, even if it was the last thing she did.

* * *

Sakura came around the corner to the living area, already eyeing up the ridiculously comfy looking couch. It was still pouring rain outside, and there was always something about the rain that made Sakura sleepy, like she just wanted to curl up with a good book and a cup of coffee or tea with too much sugar, and be anything but productive.

There were about three libraries around the house, if Sakura remembered correctly. And there were probably still more that she hadn't discovered. They were some of her favorite places around the house, even though sometimes they scared the crap out of her, what with their large ceilings and morbid, ancient pieces of furniture and art decorating every inch of it. She never really walked around the mansion unaccompanied if she could help it, partly because she would always get lost and because there was a good chance one of the Uchiha males would jump her at some point.

One of the walls in that particular living area was made wholly of glass, and the rain was being blown straight into it, making the sound all that more soothing. It was beautiful, to say the least. From that one wall made of glass, Sakura could see down the mountain the mansion was built on, and there were no man-made constructions as far as she could see. A large fireplace adorned the wall perpendicular to the wall of glass, and someone had lit it recently, casting an eerie glow over everything now that it was shady and dark outside, the clouds around the mansion and other mountains around covering any possible sunlight.

It wasn't her best idea ever, but at that moment, Sakura was tired of dealing with hormonal men and love confessions, and so she sat down on the too-comfy couch, leaning against the fist of her hand as she slumped over one of the armrests. It was a nice, clean, pale tan color, leather, and Sakura had no doubt the couch alone cost more than her apartment. Her strawberry colored hair splayed out over the side of it, coming to rest near her face, and Sakura had the idle thought that it matched the couch nicely, as if she was nothing more than a pretty doll positioned there to decorate the living area.

But then she thought that was something too close to what Sasori would probably say if he saw her, and thinking anything along the lines of what Sasori might was simply a bad idea. Mostly because the man was bad-shit insane and had a strange, disturbing fetish with dolls and pretty things.

And Sakura was such a pretty little thing.

She must have dozed, hoping that no one would find her and that she would be safe, or that Naruto or Sasuke would be the one to find her first. But it wasn't Naruto or Sasuke who found her first.

Instead, Sakura woke to the distinct feel of hands on her feet, then her legs. It took her a moment too long to fully understand what was happening, and that this wasn't a dream (or nightmare. Could go either way, really).

But the hands never went to inappropriate places. They stayed below her knees, twinning around her ankles and heels, and putting pressure in the most delicious of places. So delicious, in fact, that Sakura let out a low mewl before she could think better of it.

The hands kept moving, and for an insane moment, Sakura was very much tempted to not move, to still pretend to be asleep, just so the hands wouldn't stop moving. But her reason and panic got the better of her, because she still didn't know who was touching her, and depending on who it was would determine if they tried to take things further.

And she would be damned if she was going to let that happen without her say-so.

When she opened her eyes, too heavy with lashes and doziness, Sakura saw red eyes and sharp, pointed incisors grinning at her.

Aw, _shit_.

There was an awful moment when Sakura thought it was Madara who was with her, alone. And out of all the Uchiha males she trusted him the least to be completely alone with her.

But it wasn't Madara.

It was Shisui.

She knew immediately because of his teeth. Shisui was the only man she ever knew to have such sharp incisors (sans Kisame, Zetsu, and Kiba, of course. Because they didn't count). Shisui was the only Uchiha Sakura knew who was simply born with such sharp incisors. Unlike the other people she knew to have sharp teeth, Shisui didn't have them because of choice or because of some odd genetic trait. They were simply him.

Shisui's red eyes were so bright up close. His face was mere inches from Sakura's, and at first, she didn't move away, too mesmerized by how red they were, how they seemed to spin if she looked into them for too long.

He was still staring at her, moving his callused hands up and down her feet, her legs, and she felt her blood move quicker because of it. He was grinning too, a side smile, one that only showed one side of his too-sharp teeth, and he was gazing at her so intently, it took Sakura a moment and a burst of the willpower she was known for to snap out of his gaze.

She narrowed her eyes at him. He was dressed in all black – a long sleeved V-neck shirt, black jeans, and black socks. Around his neck was a silver chain, one that Sakura knew held a pendant of the Uchiha fan, tucked protectively under his shirt. His knees were tucked under him, so casually leaning over Sakura like it was a daily event for him. His unusual curly black hair hung around his face and over his ears, and Sakura, without thinking about it, stupidly pushed a stray strand out of his face.

His eyes widened momentarily at her gesture, and she rushed to say, "You need a haircut."

He just blinked at her a moment too long, his already red eyes deepening at her action. Shit.

His hands had stilled on her ankles, and now he just sat there, blinking down at her, and Sakura casually raised a pink eyebrow at him and looked pointedly down at his hands on her ankles. "Mind letting me go now?" She wiggled her toes.

Shisui grinned devilishly at her, and Sakura cursed silently, knowing all too well what that look meant.

His hands loosened on her ankles, and Sakura hadn't realized how tight he had been holding them until then, when he slowly, oh-so slowly, moved them up until he was drawing small circles on the backs of her knees.

That was such a sensitive spot. Sakura shivered involuntarily, and she felt something coil tight inside her stomach.

Despite her mental willpower, something must had given her away on her face, because Shisui all of a sudden looked shy, slowing his movements on the back of her knees. It didn't fool Sakura one bit. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing.

But despite what her conscious was screaming at her, Sakura stayed put. She didn't try to get up or push him away, because for a Uchiha, what he was doing was very tame, and moving, she knew, could set him off. If she just stayed there with her mask of being unaffected by his ministrations, he might just go away.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

Another shiver raced up her spine, and her nails dug into the palm of her hand, the hand that was still holding her head up from the armrest of the couch.

Dear, Kami. What the _fuck_ was he doing to her?

"What," she breathed, "do you think you're doing?"

But Shisui just grinned playfully at her.

Then his hands were gone from the backs of her knees, and before Sakura had a chance to release a sigh of relief, Shisui's hands were around her ankles again, and in one swift movement, he had tugged her down until she was lying flat on her back, gazing up at him.

It had happened so fast, and Shisui had done it so quickly, that Sakura hadn't had time to stop it. It hadn't even taken all that much on his part, since she had already been slumped over in the couch, and one tug would be all it took to make her be sprawled across it.

And so that was what he had done. And now the bastard was leaning down over her so that his hair was a curtain around Sakura's face, blocking out any light from the fireplace, and all she could see were his red, red eyes. That, and his scissor white teeth.

And the look in his eyes was what was her undoing.

This boy, who was too playful for his own good, who would periodically attempt to tackle her, and who would infuriate Sakura to no end on a good day, was looking at her so seriously at her now. And maybe it was because of the events of the day so far, and maybe it was because of Kisame's love confession, but Sakura didn't react. She froze, and it was her undoing.

Because next thing she knew, Shisui had his face buried in her hair, one hand cradling her face like delicate glass and the other hand pressing hers into the couch, his fingers entwined with hers, most definitely not treating it like delicate glass, moving his palm around hers, and the sensation from her hand sent odd feelings down her legs.

And then she heard him.

Shisui was making strange noises in her ear. From panting to whining to moaning her name, and no one had ever done that to her before. No one had ever moaned her name like that before, and Sakura found herself feeling unbelievably satisfied at how it sounded. At how it made her feel powerful and in control of the situation, even though Shisui was on top of her, his body weight resting on hers.

Because in that moment, Sakura understood that she – a slight, pink haired little girl – could break someone like Shisui with just one word. With just one action. She could break him without even thinking about it, because he was already so lost in her, in her scent, in the way her peach-like skin rubbed against his, and they weren't even doing anything particularly intimate. He was just touching her on her palm and her neck, and already he was at her mercy.

And maybe it was that realization that made Sakura do what she did next. Maybe. Or maybe it was just because she had never been in this kind of situation before, and she was confused and tired and just the tiniest bit curious. Curious what it would be like.

It had always been one of the men around her to make advances towards her. Sakura never, ever made any indication that she liked them more than friends that she was forced to deal with. She never touched them unless it was necessary, had always pushed them away when they made a move towards her.

But Sakura was curious. Curious what it would be like to take control of the situation, to make sure this only went as far as she desired.

Maybe it would be selfish of her. Maybe it would be stupid of her. But she wouldn't let it go too far. She wouldn't let it become more than she wanted.

And that was how she found her other hand – the one not occupied by Shisui's hand – move up to gently touch the back of his head.

She didn't hold him to her. Didn't try to push him away. In a way, their positon could have been looked at as nothing more than two friends finding comfort in each other. If it had been Naruto or Sasuke in this position, Sakura wouldn't have thought twice about it.

But it wasn't Naruto or Sasuke. It was Shisui, who very much liked her.

Sakura heard his breath hitch at her touch, and a whole new kind of satisfied shimmer went through her body at the sound.

Her touch wasn't holding him to her, wasn't pushing him away. He could move if he wanted to. And she touched him so lightly that if he hadn't been extra sensitive to her touch, to their positon, he would not have noticed it otherwise.

But Shisui had always noticed everything about Sakura, so when she touched him, out of her own free will for the first time, _ever_, damn right he noticed.

Shisui closed his eyes at the contact, and made a vow to himself in that moment.

Sakura had to bite her tongue to stop the surprised gasp when Shisui's mouth touched her earlobe. She sure as hell hadn't been expecting _that_ of all things to happen.

But it was. And Shisui was sucking on her earlobe, and it had never occurred to Sakura before just how sensitive of a place that was.

Her fingers tightened around his curly hair, pulling at it. He moaned, and the vibration of that act swept through Sakura all way down to her toes, which curled at the motion.

Then the hand that had been cradling her face was suddenly on her waist, not moving her clothes, not daring to yet, but touching a sliver of her skin that was peeking out.

This contact sent alarm bells throughout Sakura's head, and her eyes snapped open, not sure exactly when they had closed. And in one swift motion, Sakura had flipped Shisui over, so that she was now on top of him, straddling him.

Sakura was embarrassed to notice that she was flushed from what just happened. It had only been a few moments, she knew, but if anyone had walked in on them . . .

She shook her head, mentally slapping herself. Naruto and Sasuke would throw a fit. They would _kill_ Shisui, for Kami's sake. Or at least try to.

But . . .

But Sakura was never one to lie to herself, and she understood that, yes, she had enjoyed that. Very much. Just like she had enjoyed Pein's surprise kiss and Kisame's soft kiss, and even though Shisui hadn't actually kissed her on the mouth, he had kissed her neck, her earlobe, and it had been just as passionate and sensual.

Sakura was so shocked at herself that she didn't notice the glazed look in Shisui's eyes. She was straddling him, and Shisui wasn't objecting to their positon in the slightest. His hands were stationed on her thighs, her hips, but he didn't dare move them in the chance it would scare Sakura and make her move away. That was the last thing he wanted.

Instead, he watched her face, her eyes. He had always been so apt at reading people, and Sakura was wearing her emotions on her sleeve at the moment. She was shocked, angry, confused, and turned-on, he knew. She was questioning her decisions, and telling herself how stupid it was to be doing this. The last thing she wanted was to lead any of them on, he knew.

And that was why Shisui finally dared to move one hand away from her thigh and gently caress her face, her cheek, her chin. Her forest green eyes darted to him in shock, like she'd momentarily forgotten that he was there, underneath her.

"Hey," Shisui murmured, red eyes half-dazed, "it really is okay. You don't have to feel guilty all the time, you know."

At this, Sakura scoffed. "Well, aren't you serious all of a sudden. I thought by now you'd be gloating."

Shisui grinned up at her, his black hair falling in his face, spread out on the tan sofa like an angel, and for one heart-stopping moment, Sakura couldn't remember which way was up. "Oh, don't worry, baby. I plan to gloat about this aplenty."

Sakura scoffed again, but felt her face soften.

Then Shisui moved his hands to her lower back, and in a move that was very Shisui, pulled her down until she was almost chest-to-chest with him. It was in that moment that Sakura finally took notice just exactly how intimate their positon was, what with her legs on either side of him, almost touching him completely.

Thank Kami she had those shorts on.

But even so, something lodged in her throat at the look on Shisui's face, full of his usual playfulness and something so very, very serious. A look of complete contemplation, a look of a businessman making one hell of a decision last minute, one that could go either way.

"Go out with me, Sakura."

She just blinked at him, then frowned. "You already steal me away from the hospital to go to lunch on a weekly basis."

"Yes," he said slowly. "And I still want those. I just also want to try taking you out on an actual date. You know, one with all the get-up. One that's planned, with you in a little dress that makes me think about peeling it off you the whole time, but I won't, not without your permission first, but still makes me thank Kami that you're looking at me and not another man." His hands tightened on her back, giving away his distress. "I want to take you to a nice, expensive restaurant, one with candlelight and white tablecloth even though I know how much you hate that kind of thing. Because I want to do this right, and that's how I know how. So, Sakura, please tell me you'll let me take you out on a date, a right one, just to see. Just so I'll know I had a chance."

Sakura wanted to tell him that one date did not equal "having a chance," but was too stunned by what he'd said to actually get the words out. This was _Shisui_, for Kami's sake. He didn't do things like this. He was the one to tackle her first thing in the morning, the one to make inappropriate comments that only made Sakura want to slug him.

But that Shisui wasn't the one she was currently looking at and sitting on top of.

And it made her throat close up and something heavy settle in the pit of her stomach. Whether that was a side effect of his words or their position or the betraying human body's hormones or a mix of everything, Sakura didn't really know.

But all Sakura could think was about how unfair this all was. To her, to all the guys in the house.

But life wasn't fair. It was damn unfair sometimes that Sakura wanted to laugh about it all, laugh about how when life gave you lemons you were supposed to make some damn lemonade, but, really, all you sometimes wanted to do was throw the damn lemons back at the world, to squeeze the lemon juice into the world's eyes, and say screw it all.

"What," came the disembodied voice from the doorway, on the other side of the couch, and both Sakura and Shisui froze, "the _fuck_?"

* * *

Author's Note: I'm sorry for the delay - I've just been so busy lately. I started a new job recently, and it's kicking my butt. It's also on the job training, and one of my trainers has just been a complete *_bleep_* and is on a power high, and you know how even though it shouldn't be a big deal, but when it's been eight straight hours of being told that everything you're doing is wrong, that their way is better (even though I've had multiple trainers, and they all have their own way of doing things), and being sneered at and just getting the full impression that you are - for whatever reason - on their to kill list, and it just kind of really hurts? And even though I've even had one of the managers come up to tell me that I've been doing extremely well these past few days, especially since I haven't been completely trained and it's been ridiculously busy lately, but even so, a person can only take so much emotional beating in a day, ya know?

ANYWAYS. Enough about my life and depressing things. Yeah, I liked writing this chapter. I really, really love Shisui, and there just isn't enough Shisui love out there. I've always thought of him as so goofy and adorable and loyal.

Sorry this was so serious of a chapter too. I haven't been in the happiest mood lately, as you can probably tell, so it's difficult for me to write funny chapters when I'm like this. But I really wanted to get this chapter with Sakura and Shisui interaction done, because it was important to me. I'll try to write more funny chapters later. ;]

Also, if you haven't already, please go check out my first standalone fanfic, _The One Left Standing_. It's not like this fic, exactly, but I still felt happy with how it turned out. There will also be another standalone coming out soon, and I think it might be pretty long. So far, it's mostly SakuraxTeam7. Without Sasuke being a _complete_ little shit, of course. ;P


	10. Chapter 10

Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

_Therapy,_ Sakura thought idly to herself. _Yes. That's it. I need therapy. And possibly a producer for a reality TV show._

Because Kami only knew that this kind of shit just didn't happen to normal people. This shit only seemed to happen to Sakura when she came into contact with moronic males. Which, incidentally, included everyone _in her fucking life_.

And Kami only knew how much a reality show like this would make. Why, the looks and prestige the men around her had would be enough to pay off her college debt and set her up for life, she just knew it. It didn't even matter what any of them did – it would sell no matter what. And the amount of testosterone Sakura came into contact with on a daily basis would only add to their appeal to the opposite sex. They oozed sex appeal and alpha male-ness.

Especailly Shisui and Hidan, who were currently on the floor, in what looked like a hair pulling contest.

She should really get Kakuzu in on this deal. She bet the man even knew some people they could call to set this deal up. Kami knew Kakuzu would be on the idea faster than a shark to bloody meat once he picked up on the scent of the possible money this idea could make.

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING ON THE COUCH WITH THE BITCH, PANSEY FACE! THE ONLY ONE WHO'S FUCKING GETTING ON TOP OF HER WILL BE ME!"

"DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH–" Hidan's hand pushed Shisui's face into the ground, smothering his words together and flattening his cheek to the floor. His red eyes swirled chaotically as he moved faster than sound and pined Hidan beneath him. "SAKURA-CHAN WAS ON _TOP_ OF ME, YOU BASTARD. SHE OBVIOUSLY KNOWS WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MAN!"

_Don't say it, _Sakura repeated like a mantra in her head_. Don't you dare say it. It's not the time, nor the place_–

Sakura snorted. "Really, Shisui? You're both on the ground currently pulling each other's hair like girls during a catfight, and you're telling me that _you're_ the man I've been looking for?" she deadpanned, giving him a no-shit look.

She said it.

Hidan grinned maniacally at her from his position on the floor. Sakura prayed with every fiber of her body that Kakuzu would show up soon. "YOU TELL HIM, YOU FINE ASS BITCH!" He turned back to Shisui. "THE BITCH KNOWS WHAT TO REALLY LOOK FOR IN A MAN, AND SHE'D NEVER BE WITH A GIRLY-ASS WIMP LIKE YOU!"

Sakura just shot him an incredulous look, thinking back to Naruto and Sasuke and their _bondage_ _incident_ and how it eerily mirrored the position Shisui and Hidan were currently in.

She could _so _make money off of this shit. Fangirls liked straight men with vaguely homosexual tendencies, didn't they?

A vaguely cat screeching sound came from the Shisui and Hidan pile on the floor. No, she didn't know who made it.

Currently, Sakura was leaning on the arm of the couch, one leg crossed over the other idly as she watched two of the moronic men in question tussle it out on the nice tiled floor. She had one hand propped up under her chin, watching them both with clinically detached emerald eyes.

She sighed.

Really, she wasn't sure how it had escalated to this point. At one point, she had been on top of Shisui in an awkward position (which wasn't her damn fault. She blamed Shisui for it all), and then there was Hidan in the doorway, unable to fully see her and Shisui because of where the couch lined up with the doorframe, but could see enough to understand that there were two people on the couch in what appeared to be an intimate position, and after deducing that one of the two people was Sakura – based on her cherry pink hair – and tendrils of inky black hair that hung over the end of the couch that could only belong to someone with Uchiha blood, well, Hidan was his usual self and flipped some shit.

Namely, Shisui.

Sakura was almost thankful for Hidan's uncanny timing and violent attitude. It got her out of an awkward conversation, at the very least.

_Go out with me, Sakura. _

Ugh.

Sakura knew Shisui was serious. She knew that very well.

She also knew he was a Uchiha, and that basically meant it didn't matter what she said, because he was stubborn, and even if she laughed in his face and rejected him, it would only make him more determined. (Which she wouldn't actually do. One, because it was rude, and two, because while Shisui could be impossible and irritating and annoying at the best of times, he was still someone Sakura cared for, and hurting him in such a fashion was out of the question.)

Sakura sniffed daintily, then sneezed loudly. Ugh. Honestly, she wasn't even feeling well anymore. Her throat hurt, her head ached, and she felt drowsy in the way someone only could when a cold was on the horizon.

She blamed the men in the house and the stress they produced.

You didn't have to be a doctor to be able to tell she was getting a cold. A mixture of a lack of sleep for the last few weeks and the rain and her body finally catching up to her all equaled Sakura getting sick now.

It always happened like this. Sakura would ignore her body for so long for work and school, and then the one day she had to relax, she'd get sick. It was like the pay-off for ignoring her body for so long and not taking proper care of it.

She wasn't dumb enough to let any of the men see this, though. Kami only knew what they would do if they thought she was coming down with a cold.

Actually, forget the men. If _Mikoto_ found out she was sick . . .

Sakura shivered.

It wouldn't surprise her if it gave Mikoto the excuse she needed to tie Sakura down to a bed in the Uchiha mansion and order her there until she was healthy, to be waited on by every effing Uchiha man in the hopes she and one of them would develop some kinky patient and doctor relationship.

Did it matter that it would probably resemble Stockholm syndrome? Nope, not to Mikoto.

All the more reason to get her little ass out of the Uchiha mansion as fast as possible. Like she actually _needed_ more initiative, though.

Another cat-like hiss came from the Shisui/Hidan pile on the floor. Sakura choose to ignore it.

Instead, she slowly unfolded her legs from her spot on the couch and walked backwards to the door, all the while keeping her eyes on Shisui and Hidan, screaming about pansies and her fine ass and multiple, colorfully worded curses flung around at random intervals. It crossed Sakura's mind that if Hidan wasn't such an idiot he wouldn't be a half bad writer, what with the creative ways he could find to curse someone out.

Luckily, Sakura made it out the door and into another hallway. But she was ecstatic to see that she actually recognized this one.

Why did she recognize this one? Because it led to the kitchen.

Sakura loved the kitchen because she loved food.

It was a somewhat well-kept secret exactly how much Sakura loved food. Mostly because she was known to starve herself when she was busy with school and the hospital. It wasn't because she was on some insane diet, but because she simply forgot more than half the time that she actually needed to eat. It was thanks to the people like Naruto and Sasuke and Ino that she ate at all, actually.

It was also those people who knew about her love of food. Especially breakfast food. Pancakes, bacon, omelets . . . _waffles_.

Waffles.

Sakura really, really loved waffles.

Didn't matter what kind – with syrup, powdered sugar and jelly, with whipped cream and strawberries . . . she'd eat it all.

She had her own waffle iron back home. The expensive kind, too. It had been a gift from Naruto and Sasuke for her birthday last year, and suffice it to say it was used quite a bit.

It didn't hurt that it was quick and easy to use. While Sakura could cook with the best of 'em, she didn't have the time or the energy after her normal kind of day. It probably wasn't the healthiest thing to eat every other day, but whatever. If Naruto could eat ramen for every meal, she could eat her goddamn waffles.

In fact, the times Naruto or Sasuke or Ino dragged her out of the hospital and made her pick a restaurant to go eat at, Sakura was known to periodically choose somewhere that served breakfast 24/7. Somewhere like a _Waffle House_ or an _IHOP_ or _Cracker Barrel_.

It didn't matter that on these times – and despite her very vocal annoyance with this – they would always insist on paying for whatever she ordered. Because they knew she was tight on cash, and if it was up to any of them, they'd force her to go to some five-star restaurant and order the crab and lobster or whatever was the most ridiculously expensive.

Goddamn rich clan heirs.

To successfully do this and swipe the check before Sakura could get her hands on it, Naruto would distract her with his loud, detailed talk of anything and everything, Sasuke would just glare at her and bark at the waiter/waitress to put the bill on his tab (because the Uchiha's had an ongoing tab at almost every ridiculously expensive restaurant within the city), not even giving Sakura a chance to make a grab for the check, and Ino would . . . well, Ino was always a different story. It didn't bother Sakura as much to let Ino pay at those times, because when she and Ino would go out for morning coffee and scones at a local bakery on Sunday mornings, Ino always let Sakura pay. It wasn't a far trade-off, Sakura knew considering how much coffee and baked goods cost compared to pricy food at dinner restaurants, but it still made Sakura feel slightly better.

She missed Ino, actually, now that she thought about it. She hadn't seen her in some time, due to her more than usual hectic shift these past few weeks, and Sakura had cancelled her breakfast dates with her recently because of the extra shifts she had picked up or because she just needed the extra sleep. She felt bad about it, and she missed Ino, but even if she hadn't called up to cancel on the rare occasions she wanted to sleep in on her one day off, Ino made it very clear she would have just forced Sakura into staying home anyways.

Of course, Ino always made the excuse that she was busy with her flower shop and the odd modeling jobs she took on, and that she actually had a last minute appointment that she just couldn't miss come up, but Sakura knew it was all a lie to make her feel less guilty for cancelling as much as she did.

It had been some times since breakfast, and Sakura was more ravenous than she initially thought she was. She was about to start looking for the waffle iron (she knew they had one – she'd used it enough times for sure), when out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of a phone on the counter.

Her heart skipped a beat.

Why hadn't she thought of this before? She could call a taxi to come pick her up; the storm outside be damned. She didn't care if she got stuck in the rain – it was still better than getting chased after all around the Uchiha mansion until someone caught her for good or she fell down from exhaustion.

Sakura picked up the phone, halfway expecting to not hear the dial tone because the storm had taken out the power line, but – thank Kami – there was that glorious, annoying dial tone that told her that her prayers had been answered.

She could have cried from joy.

Luckily, she knew the number for the taxi company from memory, having used it on more than one occasion when she needed to get away from some of the perverted males. It was kind of sad, actually, that she knew it for that reason.

Her pulse was going wild against her throat as she waiting for someone to answer on the other line. If no one picked up . . .

"Mike's Taxi Company, this is Bob, how may I help you?"

A wide grin spread across her face. "Hi! Could I get a cab to come pick me up at–"

He interrupted her. "Sorry, ma'am, but due to the storm no cabs are running at the moment."

_Then why the hell did you even pick up?_ Sakura thought angrily to herself.

She swallowed down her dread and anger. It wasn't even directed at him, but at herself, at this situation. "Okay, well, do you know when your cabs will be running again?"

"Not sure, ma'am. Could be whenever the storm passes, and that could be a few days if you believe the weather reports. But can't say I've ever put much stock in those things . . . who knows, with any luck the storm will move north in the next hour and we'll be back in business."

Sakura was slowly beating her head against the counter, careful not to make any noise for Bob to hear her inner struggle. "Okay, well, thank you."

"Goodbye, ma'am."

"Goodbye." And she hung up, watching the phone a moment before hitting her head much harder against the counter.

"Ouch," she grumbled into the marble. She sighed, loudly.

Then she dialed a new number.

"Ino's magical hotline serves, how may I assist you?"

Sakura pulled the phone away from her ear and just stared at it for a moment. Without putting it back to her ear, she said, "What the _hell_, Ino?"

"Ah! Sakura! Why are you calling from an unknown number?" Because her calling from a number she didn't recognize was the greater question than why she answered her phone in such a way. Obviously.

"I've been kidnapped," she grumbled into the receiver. "More importantly, why the hell did you answer like that?"

"Because it's the quickest way to get rid of telemarketers."

Of course it was.

"What if someone important was calling you? You know, like a guy you met and gave your number to or a job interview?"

Ino scoffed. "Firstly, _I_ always get _their_ number, not the other way around. Secondly, who the hell is going to call me for a job interview?"

Sakura rubbed her temples, but grinned despite herself. "Magical things can happen."

"Honey, there's not enough magic out there for that to happen."

Ah.

"Now, back to you being kidnapped," Ino switched the conversation over easily, "I'm going out on a limb here and guess that you don't mean the actual kind of kidnapping with Liam Nelson and taken for the sex trade for your rare colored hair and have been sold to some wrinkled, old billionaire with ugly, demented fetishes and that you are actually referring to Naruto and Sasuke."

"Ah," Sakura agreed.

"Okay. Well. Considering they usually take you to some extravagant resort or something, what's the problem here?" And then there was a pause. "And you couldn't manage to invite your best girlfriend along with you, you selfish bitch?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Considering I'm holed up with more hormonal men than I can manage and testosterone permeating the air I'm breathing, I would happily switch places with you."

A heavy pause. "Oh. My God. They stole you away to the fucking _Uchiha mansion_, didn't they!?" Ino squealed, and Sakura had to pull the phone away from her ear.

Sakura made an unintelligent grumble in response, to which Ino took as an affirmative.

"So you've got . . . what? Four hunk-alicious, mouthwatering, loin inflaming Uchiha men striving for your undivided attention and possible shedding of clothes and . . . what? This is a problem _beeccccaassuuuusseeee . . . _?"

Sakura just blinked at nothing. "Well . . . the Akatsuki are here too."

Another heavy pause, in which Sakura was nervous to hear heavy breathing on the other end of the phone.

"Sweet mother of God," Ino finally gasped. "Why in the holy _fuck_ are you even talking to me right now and _not actually getting fucked_!?"

Sakura swallowed. "I was . . . kind of hoping you would come rescue me?" She laughed nervously.

There was some incoherent sputtering on the other line that oddly resembled Naruto, in which Sakura waited patiently until Ino was finished.

When she pulled herself together, Ino cleared her throat noisily and said in the most serious tone she could manage, "Sakura, honey, sweetheart, best friend of mine who is somehow a hottie magnet but has vaguely asexual tendencies, I love you more than life itself and you know I would happily castrate any number of men for you – hot or otherwise – but I have my limits too, you know. And one of those limits is saving you from a household of men who are _in no way unattractive_ and all want into your pants. Now, you are a hot-blooded female yourself who has limited to no experience in these types of things, but, sweetheart . . . I AM IN NO WAY COMING TO GET YOU AND SAVING YOUR FINE ASS FROM SOME POSSIBLY AMAZING INTERACTION WITH THE FINER SPECIMENS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX." A deep breath, in which Sakura didn't dare speak. "Now, I'm not saying go and have some hot-hot, amazing, ovaries-exploding, mind numbing sex, but a little stress relief would do you wonders, you know."

Sakura just blinked rapidly. "'Ovaries-exploding'?" That sounded amazingly painful.

Ino made an exasperated noise on the other side of the phone. "Yes. But in the good way."

"There's a good way for your ovaries to explode?"

"Well. Shikamaru has managed to do it pretty damn well."

Sakura's face contorted at hearing Ino talk about her on-again, off-again boyfriend in such a way. Don't get her wrong – he was a decent guy who was good for Ino, balancing out her hot-headedness with his laziness and cool-headedness. "I don't even want to know," she grumbled.

"Oh, honey," Ino cooed in the way one would when speaking to someone blessedly naïve and innocent. "You don't even _know_," she groaned.

"Uh-huh." She just wanted to be done with this line of conversation. "So . . . was that a no to coming to get me?"

A loud pause, in which Sakura scratched the back of her neck sheepishly.

"Okay," Sakura finally sighed. "I get it. But we could go get food or something, you know? We haven't seen each other in a long time and I miss our breakfast dates."

Still silence.

"What about waffles? I want waffles. I'll even pay!"

The line went dead.

Sakura just stared at it and mumbled something under her breath about idiotic blondes in her life.

* * *

Sakura made waffles.

Damn good waffles, too.

She was hungry, and she was about to go on her period, so goddamn it all, she was going to make herself some waffles and the consequences of doing so could be damned. The consequences of which would most likely call at least some of the men in the house to the kitchen because of the wonderful, mouth-watering smell waffles naturally made (so long as you didn't burn them, like _some_ people Sakura knew. Damn Tobi and his burning of food ways and somehow making everything smell like fish. _Damn. Him_) because no one besides herself, Mikoto, and Itachi could properly make a decent meal without setting the house on fire.

So it was the equivalent to spilling warm blood into shark invested waters, basically.

And Sakura almost, sort-of, maybe-but-actually-totally-did have a mini freak out when she couldn't find any maple syrup, jelly, or even peanut butter.

It may or may not have involved some hair pulling and incredibly worded profanities she had learned from Hidan spill out of her mouth.

But then she found the syrup, and all was okay in life.

Well.

Until Hidan came swaggering down the hallway, the one Sakura had come from herself when she left him and Shisui wrestling on the floor like the idiots they were. It somewhat perturbed her that Hidan didn't even look like he had just been pulling the hair of another full grown man, like it was like every other day . . . and it probably was, now that Sakura really thought about it.

She really needed to stop thinking about these things. It would get her nowhere in life.

"There you are, you fine bitch!" Hidan's violet eyes locked on Sakura, and she blinked lazily at him and slowly inched her waffle closer to her, out of his line of sight. She may or may not have growled.

Hidan came around the kitchen island and wrapped an arm around Sakura's waist, pulling her closer to him, making her flush against him, hip and thigh. Now she really did growl.

Hidan was grinning manically down at her in a way that would usually be off-putting, but over time Sakura had simply gotten used to it.

That probably wasn't a good thing, she thought. That they were all slowly inching into her life, into her personal space until she forgot about the things that used to annoy and scare her.

Huh. Stockholm syndrome, indeed.

"Miss me?" Hidan leered down at her. Sakura just continued to blink at him and thought of the many ways she could castrate him one-handed if he so much as breathed near her waffle.

"Where's Shisui?"

Immediately, Hidan sneered, but it wasn't directed at her. "I taught that pansy a lesson." And he pressed closer to her.

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "And what does that mean, exactly?"

"Don't get your damn panties in a twist. The fucking pansy is just taking a little nap in the other room."

This really shouldn't surprise her at this point.

"You knocked him out?" It wasn't really a question. "Did you actually hurt him or was this more of just you two tired each other out until Shisui passed out?"

Hidan grunted, which could mean either, really. He pressed his face into her hair, inhaling deeply. "God, you always smell so damn good." Sakura could feel his laugh move throughout him. "Don't hang out with pansy-asses like that fucker. I'm much better in the sack than any of them."

Sakura elbowed him harshly with the arm that wasn't protecting her waffle.

"Go bother someone else, Hidan," she told him. "I'm busy."

Hidan was bent over, holding his stomach with both arms, and at her words he looked up and grinned playfully at her, and she reminded herself that enacting physical pain onto him was the equivalent to a turn-on. "You always know exactly where to fucking touch me, you fine bitch." His violet eyes crinkled when he grinned that wide, and the look somewhat perturbed her. "And what the fuck do you mean you're busy? You're not even fucking doing anything!"

Sakura held up her fork like it was a weapon. Then she very deliberately stabbed a piece of syrup drenched waffle and stuck it in her mouth. "I'm eating," she mumbled through her full mouth. "Eating means I'm busy."

Hidan groaned suggestively. "I'd love to eat you out."

Sakura choked.

And hacked violently.

"YOU BASTARD! DON'T SAY PERVERTED THINGS TO SAKURA-CHAN!"

Maybe she'd get lucky and die of lack of oxygen. Her gravestone could read:

_Here Lies Sakura Haruno_

_Best Friend to Morons_

_Lost Her Life Due to Said Morons and Waffles_

_Do Not Question It_

Her lungs hated her, and she couldn't breathe, and, yes, she was purple in the face, and she knew it. A blur of orange and blue and black came flying out of the corner of her eye and suddenly there was new pile on the floor, but this pile did not include Hidan, who had been the target of said blurs of mismatched color.

Instead, there was Naruto and Sasuke, who had obviously overheard Hidan's lewd comment and lost their tempers. Again. And because they only ever knew how to deal with things such as this, their first impulse was to tackle the man to the floor.

Obviously, this did not work unless it was Kisame or Kakuzu doing the tackling.

Hidan was laughing manically at her face and flailing arms as she scratched pathetically at her throat and the waffle piece still lodged inside. He had side-stepped both Naruto and Sasuke at the last moment, and from what Sakura could discern from her blurry eyes filled with unshed tears, both Naruto and Sasuke were still blinded by rage and their need to protect her innocence (they had failed miserably so far, really), and they had failed to realize that Hidan was not in their little pile on the floor, and were pulling at each other's hair.

It was completely possible Sasuke was going to have a heart attack due to the ruination of his duck-butt hair. (Really, the boy was obsessed with his hair.)

This.

This right here was why she hated Hidan.

Eventually, the bastard in question appeared behind her and started to pat and rub her back once she was able to properly breathe again.

Sakura tried to cough out some impressive curse words and phrases of her own, but it didn't work so great when it sounded like there was a frog stuck in her throat.

(Oh, _god_. She was becoming Shakira.)

Apparently, one of her boys finally figured out that Hidan was not in their little love pile on the kitchen floor, and lunged again at Hidan, this time with slightly better results.

Why slightly better results?

Because Hidan was standing too close to Sakura to get out of the way fast enough.

So that also meant she came down with all three idiotic men when they lunged for Hidan.

She wasn't positive, but it felt that Naruto ended up crashing into her chest and Sasuke's stray arm got flung around her neck during this, which didn't help her lack of breathing from earlier, obviously.

As she laid on the floor, playing dead like a smart possum as random exclamations of "YOU BASTARD!" and "THE BITCH LIKES REAL MEN" and "HN. YOU LITTLE SHIT," floated around her, none of them apparently realizing she was there with them or were just too preoccupied with each other to care, Sakura contemplated the meaning of life, and whether the chicken came first or the egg. (Answer: the chicken.)

And then she noticed her waffle lying in tatters where she had been standing, and the plate pieces scattered around, maple syrup pathetically drawing a line across the floor towards her head.

And all hell broke loose.

Sakura sat up, looking at Hidan biting Naruto's arm, Naruto holding and tugging at Hidan's nose in an effort to get him to let go, and Sasuke somehow in the middle of them, upside-down, twisted around both Naruto and Hidan with one hand smashed against Hidan's face, one leg thrown over Naruto's shoulder, his red eyes spinning chaotically.

Straightening out her shirt, Sakura marched over to them and grabbed at both Naruto's and Hidan's ear. And then she pulled. Hard.

Both immediately yelped and released their hold on the other. This led to Sasuke falling down between them and laying there like a kicked dog. Sakura ignored him and spent all her pent-up anger on the two men who she had by the ear, her normal tranquil green eyes suddenly pissed-off spinning orbs of pain and the bottom of a green lake, where she was going to dump their bodies after castrating them and murdering them both, _slowly_.

Sasuke slowly scuttled away.

"Shut. Up," Sakura growled at them both. "I cannot deal with anymore of this today. I do _not_ feel well. You want me to stay longer than a day, don't you?" Both men were looking at her in awe and fear, sea blue and violet eyes as wide as they could go, and they both (smartly) nodded quickly. Sakura growled again. "Then stop _fucking_ tackling each other for Kami's sake!"

She gave one last tug on their ears, making them yelp in pain again, and let them go, going over to the floor to pick up the broken plate and pathetic pieces of waffle left. Once she got up as much as she could, she got a rag and small brush to get the last of it all. No one talked during this time, nor did they offer to help, since the way Sakura was going about this was reminiscent to finding and burying a long-lost friend gone too soon.

But this silence was obviously too much for someone like Hidan to deal with, and so he was the first one to break it.

Only he didn't break it by talking.

He broke it by getting up, trembling slightly, and appearing besides Sakura, faster than she could deal with right then, placing one hand on the back of her neck and the other on her head, and firmly planting his lips on her forehead.

Sakura froze. Looking up into his violet eyes, she realized his shaking wasn't due to fear, but because he was excited and . . . turned on.

Inexplicably, unequivocally turned on.

Of course. Because her yelling at him and inspiring fear was the equivalent to flirting in his book.

Faster than Naruto could yell and Sasuke could glare, Sakura pivoted on her heel and kneed him where the sun-don't-shine.

All was silent for a moment. Then Naruto lost it, and nothing besides his loud, boisterous laughter could be heard.

Hidan was a strange case. She couldn't sucker-punch him like the rest of the men when she got on her nerves. That would be like confessing her undying love to him.

But there was _one_ place that no man could deal with being hit at.

And Hidan was no exception.

"Enjoying the show?" Sakura called out sarcastically. Immediately, Naruto stopped his laughing and both he and Sasuke looked to the doorway, and froze.

Because there was the rest of the Uchihas and Akatsuki, all piled up and looking over each other to watch the show that was her life.

* * *

Author's Note: Umm . . . I'm sorry? About that one part with Hidan? Yeah. That wasn't supposed to happen. But then I wrote it, and even though I wrote it I hadn't been expecting it, and I almost fell off my chair. So by rule of thumb, anything I write that can nearly make me fall off my chair typically stays. Sorry.

Ah . . . we finally get to see Ino. I actually kind of have a newfound love for Ino and even Karin. Not the Ino and Karin from the manga or anime (obviously), but because I feel that all the women in _Naruto_ were done an injustice, and I love me some best girlfriend love going on. I will probably write more in the future that center around Sakura and friendships with them both, that will include the normal girl drama but not the stereotypical kind that's portrayed where every girl is backstabbing and two-faced. (Of course, this will always include some male love for Sakura, too. Because how could I write anything without that?)

So. I started reading Vesper Chan's fanfic _Obelisk: Kingdom of Man_ finally. And I finished it (obviously). It's freakin' amazing. It's been on my to-read list for a while, but for some reason I kept putting it off after seeing how long it was. Usually, that doesn't deter me at all (especially when it's written by Vesper Chan), but I finally read it, and read it in one sitting. And then I read _Obelisk: Kingdom of Beasts_. And finished it in two sittings. And then _Obelisk: Kingdom of Monsters_ and had that horrid realization that it wasn't done, and that, dear Kami, I have to now wait for every chapter. (*cries silently in corner*)

And then I re-read her other fanfic, _Brother Trouble_, and that was a bad idea, because then I remembered I have to _also_ wait for the next chapter for _that_ fanfic.

(*crying intensifies*)

I love fanfiction (even when I'm crying in the corner in want for another chapter. Yes, even then).

So. Things are better for me. Thank you for dealing with my little rant last chapter.

Again, if you haven't already, please take a look at my first standalone fanfic, _The One Left Standing_. I have this other standalone written, and it's pretty long as is, but I'm not done with it yet. It's all SakuraxTeam7, and I don't see that changing, but I also have this idea for another fanfic with Sakura and (mostly) the Akatsuki. Ideas, ideas. So many ideas; too many hand cramps from typing.


	11. Chapter 11

Standard disclaimer applies.

* * *

Sakura Haruno was a bit of an introvert.

It wasn't a secret, exactly, but few people actually knew just how much of an introvert she really was. Mostly, this had to do with the fact that she could be quite loud and sometimes even outgoing.

The thing was, even though she was extremely good at doing those things, she hated it. Hated it; loathed it with a passion.

But being those things she hated was a requirement for doing the things she loved. You couldn't be a very good doctor or intern if you couldn't talk to patients. You couldn't be a good intern and convince the hospital to hire you on – even though you had to do some serious begging just to be considered – by not being completely and always cheerful and enlightening. So, yes, Sakura had gotten very good at being all those things.

She learned early on when she had to talk and connive her way into scholarships and teacher's good graces for the sole purpose of recommendation letters that she could kiss her future medical school dream goodbye unless she wasn't perfect in everything, from academics to friendliness to social standing.

She had learned to bite down on her blushes, clench her trembling hands, and swallow down the lump in her throat every time she had a presentation, job interview, scholarship interview, and every other thing in life that required her to leave the peace of her home and actually talk to people and pretend to be a functioning human being.

Almost no one knew that Sakura had had numerous therapists and tutors attempt to reach into the depths of her mind and cajole her inner extrovert out. Like being an introvert was something she could be cured of. Like it was some type of mindset that could simply go away with a handful of practices and role playing exercises.

Though Sakura supposed one good thing had come out of all that.

She'd learned that no matter how much she tried and no matter how many times she had to give presentations or go to job interviews or deal with other peoples' eyes on her, it would never _actually_ get easier.

No. It would never get easier.

But she would just get better at faking it.

That's why so few people knew, really. Not because she tried to hide it, but because she was so good at faking it, most people never thought there was anything to fake.

And that's why Sakura was so good at so many things. All of her teachers loved her, she'd always been in the top ranking grade-wise, been a favorite in the children's ward of the hospital, etc, etc . . . Not because she was actually good at any of those things (except the academics part), but because she knew the importance of faking it.

And she could give anyone the little sayings her parents and early teachers and therapists alike had told her for years, from _Fake it 'till you make it_ and_ It gets easier the more you practice_, but those were all dirty little lies.

There was no _easier_.

Sakura only felt slightly bad when a manager or teacher might come up to her out of the blue and tell her she was great that day and she really knew her stuff and oh, she was just _so talented_ at conversing with people. (Even though she felt like she was chewing on nails every time someone made eye-contact with her. Even though she felt like she was drowning and her face itched and her mouth was too dry every time she had to talk to someone, even if she knew them, because that was just how things were for her.) Because she knew it was all a lie, but it the good kind of lie, she supposed, the kind other people preferred seeing. Sometimes the truth of things like this was why so many people preferred to live among lies. Because if they didn't, they'd never succeed in doing all that much of anything (at least in her case).

So when everyone in the Akatsuki and every Uchiha in the house was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, staring down Sakura and Hidan (who was in the fetal position on the floor making odd cat and baby kinds of noises depicting what the meaning of pain had taken on), it was an odd feeling she got in her stomach.

Odd, because she still hated being the center of attention. Would always hate it, she knew. That was no question. She had given up on even the idea of it ever getting easier.

Odd, because while she hated being the center of attention, it wasn't the same when it was the Akatsuki and the Uchihas staring her down. Maybe it was because she was too used to them (Kami help her . . .) or maybe it was because she just couldn't take them seriously, wasn't trying to impress them with her people skills or . . . _anything _skills, really. In fact, she'd like it nothing more than for them to ignore her completely,

Sakura clenched and unclenched her hands, feeling how damp they were with her sweat. She was nervous and tired and not feeling well at all and she still had to deal with these buffoons, who were going to attempt to tackle her any minute now.

She saw Naruto and Sasuke out of the corner of her eye tense right up at all the new men in the doorway. Even Shisui was there in the back, having woken up from whatever it was Hidan had done to him, apparently.

Kisame was leaning against the doorframe, grinning down at her and glancing curiously over to Hidan on the ground, a silent question in his eyes.

But it was Tobi who spoke. "What did meanie Hidan-san do to poor Sakura-chan!?" He waved his arms wildly and hopped over to Sakura until he could grip her by her shoulders and force her under his chin. She didn't even try to fight it.

Sakura was going to be smart and not answer that question, knowing exactly how the men in the room would take Hidan's inappropriate comment. Nor was she particularly sure she would even be able to get a word out, what with how tightly she was pushed into Tobi's black sweater. It was difficult breathing, let alone attempting to discuss the perverseness of someone like Hidan. Her life was simply too short to attempt to talk about that, Kami help her.

Naruto, however, had no qualms exclaiming play-by-play of everything that had gone down, from his and the teme's tackling methods to Hidan's comments to how Sakura kneed him like her life depended on it. To be honest, Naruto got all this out in the flustering way that he could and so quickly that while a play-by-play of all this would have taken a normal person a few minutes at the least, it took Naruto no more than less than a minute. It was quite remarkable, really.

Sakura huffed dissonantly into Tobi's sweater, which had gone stone-still sometime during Naruto's monologue. He wasn't even breathing.

She was then forcefully yanked from Tobi's steel-like grip by none other than Sasuke, who looked both bored out of his chicken-butt head and quietly annoyed at the human beings around him. Honestly, if the boy was given the chance to nuke the whole world (besides Sakura and Naruto, of course), he wouldn't even have to think about it.

Sakura was a bit surprised Tobi allowed this action. Usually, once he got his arms around her, it was only Sakura who could struggle out of his grip. But apparently Tobi's attention was too preoccupied with Hidan, who was now sitting up and grinning stupidly at everyone like he wasn't about to die a very bloody and painful death, if not from Sakura herself, then from the congregation of the men in the kitchen doorway.

Sasuke quickly and quietly backed away from the menace radiating from Tobi, Sakura still stuck in his arms.

Then Sakura coughed.

And coughed.

She may have hacked out a lung.

Sasuke quickly dropped her and peered down at her in concern and confusion. Naruto was there, behind her, whacking away at her back like that was actually going to help matters.

And that was how Hidan escaped death.

Every man's attention was on her now, she knew. She couldn't see them through her watery eyes, but the heat of their eyes – red and alike – was enough for her to be able to tell.

Her face was probably the color of her hair now, at the very least. Her hand had flown up to her throat during this hacking spree, and she kept it there as her coughing fit passed and she sniffed pathetically, coming back to a full stand.

All the men were staring at her with mixed expressions.

Time for damage control. She gave them a watery smile. "What? It's just a cough."

Kisame grunted, eyebrows raised. "Try again, squirt."

She glared at him. Well, as best she could with a pink face and watery eyes.

"Sakura-chan's not feeling good!?" Tobi bellowed and began to run in circles around the kitchen island.

Suddenly Naruto was right there with Tobi, running around like the idiot he was and screaming about medicine and someone call an ambulance and then, just to add the cherry to the top of the cake, Naruto comes to a sudden stop in front of Sakura and points at her accusingly and said, "YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT ARE YOU, SAKURA-CHAN?!"

Honestly, this question didn't even deserve a response.

Really, how does her _coughing_ have to do with possibly being _pregnant_?

(Probably in the same way her coughing meant she had been drowning in her shower from earlier, actually.

Ah, the logic of morons.)

Not to mention it was literally impossible for her to be pregnant, unless she was gonna go all Baby Jesus on everyone.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. But apparently, the men in the room had different ideas.

"WHO'S THE BASTARD WHO DEFILED MY SAKURA-CHAN!?" Madara yelled, elbowing his way through the throng of men still standing in the doorway. His red eyes were flashing and spinning threateningly.

"I'LL BE THE FATHER, YEAH."

"HELL NO! THE ONLY ONE RAISING THE BITCH'S KID IS GONNA BE ME. LORD JASHIN-SAMA CAN BESTOW HIS BLESSING ONTO THE LITTLE SHIT-"

"DON'T CALL SAKURA-CHAN'S FIRSTBORN A LITTLE SHIT, HIDAN-TEME!"

While all this was equally annoyance-worthy, what scared her the most was the little ramblings she heard coming from Sasori about cute, miniature dolls with pink hair and green eyes and something about little dresses. Sakura took a few miniscule steps back from his side of the room.

"HN. So you finally had sex?" Sasuke peered down at her with a smirk that Sakura couldn't really understand. His red eyes were also twisting chaotically. "So who was it?"

This got everyone's attention. Every pair of eyes were now directed right at her, and Sakura sighed again, then blinked lazily at them all and wondered what she had done in a past life to deserve this.

Sakura opened her mouth. Then closed it again. All she got out was a pathetic, "Um . . ."

Naruto's blue eyes widened comically. "WAS IT SOMEONE IN THIS ROOM!?"

"Uh . . ." Ah, _shit_. How the hell was she going to get out of this one?

And that was how Kakuzu came to be strangling Hidan by the neck with his whip-thingies, how Sasori was also strangling Deidara with the string he always had on him, muttering under his breath about the doll's innocence while Deidara was threatening to blow everyone up, Hidan was screaming at the top of his lungs about raising a child in Jashin-sama's name, Naruto and Sasuke were making idle plans to steal Sakura and the child away from anyone's presense, Pen, Itachi, and Shisui were all silently making plans to keep the baby away from Mikoto and Madara, Madara was just gazing at nothing with a secret little smile on his face, resembling Sasori when Sakura honest-to-god questioned if he was high or not, Tobi was flailing his arms about and screaming about cute little chubby faced children and the toys he would bestow onto the child, and Kisame just looked severely uncomfortable.

And Zetsu . . . well.

Sakura was still unsure of where Zetsu exactly was.

It was in that moment that Sakura made the executive decision to run far, far away if she ever did decide to have children.

Because she already knew that none of this insanity was going to stop without her saying the one thing she knew would shut the all up, she just sucked in a breath and prayed for the best.

"I'm a virgin."

Dead quiet.

And then some of the biggest, creepiest grins Sakura had ever seen in her life.

"Ah, my love! I knew you were waiting for me and our wedding night! How thoughtful of you to know that every other man would just seem insignificant compared to the magnificence that is me and our bodies together, tangled as one, sweaty and moaning–" And it was then that Itachi snuck up behind Madara and landed one well-placed blow on the back of his neck, causing Madara to pass out. No one even bothered to attempt to catch him on the way down.

Sakura just blinked up at Itachi as her lips twitched. That was the most of a thank-you he was going to get from her right then.

Naruto coughed uncomfortably.

"What?" Sakura snapped. She glared at Naruto and Sasuke, who both just stared timidly back at her, with identical expressions of _What? Who, me?_ Really, though. "You two should know this better than anyone. It's not like you're both not behind me hissing and growling at any single male who happens to approach me," she hissed, folding her arms across her chest as if to make her point. She even went so far as to tilt her face up so her chin was in the air.

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly while Sasuke frowned down at the ground like it held the secrets to the destruction of the human race and refused to give it up to him.

"But Sakura-chan! The teme and I are just trying to protect you!"

"I know," she said, nodding, startling both Naruto and Sasuke, who no doubt expected to get a rant and lecture from her about this. She even went so far as to smile at them, very softly. "And I love you both for it." Both boys in question went beat red, right up to the tips of their ears and down to their necks.

Sakura shrugged nonchalantly and swept a piece of her cherry pink hair behind her ear. "It doesn't really matter. It's not like I have time for a relationship anyway. Nor do I particularly want one anyways."

"And what about when you do want one?" Itachi spoke up. Honestly, from how Naruto and Sasuke both looked at him, you'd think they forgot they had an audience. "What about when you do want a relationship – _more_ than just friendship – what will you do then?"

Sakura blinked at him. "Well. I guess that depends."

"On what?" Pein stepped in.

"Uh," Sakura stuttered. What was this, an intervention about her nonexistent love life? Thanks, but she already got enough of that from Ino. "I don't know. I guess how much I liked the guy and if he liked me."

"Are you quite sure you won't just continue to make excuses about being too busy even when that time comes?" And there was Pein, blunt as ever.

Sakura's eyebrows shot up. Then she smirked at him. "Well, if I don't like the guy enough to make excuses, then I guess it really doesn't matter does it? I must not have liked him enough to begin with."

Pein smirked back at her. They should all know by then that Sakura wasn't the type to lie to herself about these kinds of things. If she says she's too busy to date, then she's just too busy to date.

It was the same conversation she always had with Ino. She'd tell Sakura that she was going to let Mr. Right walk right on by if she didn't get her nose out of a book soon enough, and Sakura always told her that if he couldn't draw her attention enough to get her nose out of the book in the first place, then he probably wasn't Mr. Right to begin with. (Also, he could always just stick his nose in the book too, for Pete's sake. She'd _totally_ be up for a reading buddy.)

An arm snuck around her waist, bringing her body back until she was flush against another, very male chest. A nose rubbed against her hair, and Sakura could literally _feel_ his satisfied smirk. "My doll is too good for any other man, anyways," Sasori purred, his mouth right at her ear, and a shiver ran down her spine at the feel of his breath tickling the sensitive part of her inner ear. "Too pure for anyone else."

Sakura felt her eye twitch in annoyance. And she was about to open her mouth to tell him exactly where he could shove his ideals about women only being pure if they were virgins, when _another_ nose found its way to her neck, on the other side of where Sasori was already occupied with her hair.

"What," Sakura growled, "the _fuck_, Deidara?"

And there was Deidara, handsy as ever, arms snaked around the back of her neck and wrapped around her free hand, holding her delicately but firmly enough that she knew if she wanted to escape she would have to literally throw them off her.

Not that she particularly had a problem with that, of course.

Sasori's nose found its way over to her cheek, where she could have literally sworn for a moment that she felt the tip of a tongue trace along her jawline. Dear Kami, she was going to fucking _murder_ these two assholes.

Deidara's hand on the back of her neck was tracing patterns along her skin, light enough that it was impossible not to notice, in the way she would notice a stray piece of hair tickling the skin along her arm or shoulder. It made goosebumps rise along her arms and the back of her neck, and on instinct her back and neck arched, trying and failing to get away from his touch. A gasp might have escaped her lips if Sakura was anyone else, but she was too prideful for something like that, and so she growled instead.

They were boxing her in like Naruto and Sasuke sometimes could, but instead of feeling safe like she did with them, now she just felt annoyed and ready to beat their asses back wherever it was they crawled out from.

Just as she was about to do just that, Naruto grabbed Deidara and Sasuke grabbed Sasori, hauling them away from Sakura with a growl of fury from them both.

Her relief was short-lived, however, because the moment Sasori and Deidara were gone from her sides, Naruto and Sasuke took their places, Naruto with his arms around Sakura's waist and Sasuke with his hand draped over her shoulder, glaring at everyone in the room like they were marking their territory.

Sakura just gave them all an unimpressed bland look, thinking of all the better things she could be doing right them; what book she could be reading right then if it hadn't been for her two idiot best friends and an equally stupid bet that involved alcohol. Really, Sakura would have thought they knew better, especially after bearing witness to some of Tsunade's more prominent fails and loses due to her compulsion to gamble and drink heavily at the same time.

"So," Naruto started, his face still in her hair, "just to be clear, you're _not_ pregnant, then?"

Everyone just looked at him.

Sakura had to fight back the impulse to slap him. And then possibly give him a very awkward lecture of the human reproductive system, complete with slideshows and picture to scare him for life. For his own good, of course.

"Hn. Dobe."

"SHUT UP, TEME! IT'S A LEGITIMATE QUESTION!"

Sakura took a big breath and silently marveled at the fact Naruto knew a word as long as _legitimate_. Under other circumstances, she would have applauded him for the correct use of it . . . You know, when it wasn't in the same context of the questioning of her virginity.

But then she began hacking her lungs out again.

Naruto and Sasuke let go of her on impulse and looked at her worriedly. She waved them off pathetically from her bent over position, not really seeing them but knowing them well enough to envision the hamster wheel turning (or in Naruto's case, the wheel but no hamster) in the attempt to formulate a plan to coerce Sakura into going to a hospital or, losing that battle, getting her into a bed with a cup of steaming tea and bowl of chicken noodle soup in hand.

"I want to go home," Sakura said when she could stand up fully again, glaring at her two best friends through her watery eyes. Good Kami, her throat was _rough_. "I do not care about your bet – I do not feel well and want to go ho–" She broke off to begin coughing again, one hand fisted to her mouth and the other instinctively having grabbed onto Naruto's disgustingly orange jacket out of habit. Oddly enough, Naruto wasn't concerned about her tearing a hole in it as he was over her state of wellbeing.

"O-okay, Sakura-chan!" Naruto said, stretching out a smile just for her. He pulled out a chain of keys from his pocket and wiggled them, making them click together as if to prove a point. "The teme and I will take you home!"

Sakura stilled. Her coughing stopped magically, and the hand that had been balled up in Naruto's orange jacket suddenly tightened as she pulled him closer to her, her green eyes widening in surprise and fury. "You . . . had the car keys . . . all. This. _Time_?"

Naruto laughed hesitantly, his own blue eyes widening as if he suddenly understood the impact this would have on her.

"I thought you had a rental car?" Sakura questioned, still not loosening her grip on him as he struggled in fear. Sasuke, she saw out of the corner of her eye, was slowly backing up, his eyes never leaving Sakura – as if she was a wild animal that he couldn't give his back to, unless he wanted to be mauled to death – until he hit the chest of Itachi, who blocked his exist and looked down smugly at him, arms crossed over his chest. "One that you already had returned?"

"Hehe . . . well, you see, Sakura-chan–"

"_Naruto_," she hissed, and the sound of tearing cloth could be heard. Sasuke gulped loudly from where his older brother had him in a headlock.

"IT WAS THE TEME'S IDEA!" Naruto screamed, finally giving way to full-fledged panic, pointed and waving at Sasuke in the attempt to save his own skin. Friendship thick as metal, those two, until it was Sakura who was ready to bend the metal and tear it to pieces. Then, all bets were off.

Sasuke's eye twitched in irritation from his brother's headlock. He struggled against Itachi's steel-like grip. "What? You were the one to make that stupid bet and drink more than your body weight, dobe." This was all hissed, because there was an unsaid rule that no Uchiha ever yelled or raised his voice on principle. However, hissing like the snakes they were was allowed.

Naruto turned wide, sea blue eyes back at Sakura. "We did return the rental van! But the teme had another car here!"

Of course he did. Because every Uchiha had more than one car. Of _fucking_ course.

Sakura took a deep breath and loosen her grip on Naruto's jacket just the tiniest bit. Not enough for him to wiggle free, but enough to give him hope to walk out of the room with his skin still on his body and his important body pieces still attached to important body places.

Sakura glared over at Itachi, ignoring the way Itachi was smirking at her, getting off on them both being the cause of Sasuke's misery and unease. Goddamn sadist.

Sakura just growled, low in her throat at him, and Sasuke gulped. The movement of his throat could be traced down with her eyes.

She narrowed her eyes and grabbed the key of rings from Naruto's sweaty grip, already moving towards the door that was _not_ occupied by every perverted man in the house, dragging Naruto by the color of his jacket. It was difficult to say if Naruto was struggling from the collar of his jacket that was cutting off his oxygen or if he was just freaking out about the rips and tears that were going to be left behind once Sakura was done with his precious jacket.

Sakura paused long enough in the doorway to glance back at Sasuke and Itachi, and snapped her fingers and told Itachi to let go of his foolish little brother, which he did with a too satisfied smirk. Sasuke just sat on the floor, not sure if being in the headlock of his brother was safer than with Sakura, what with that glint in her eyes.

Sasuke sat there indecisively until Sakura growled at him under her breath and he scrambled over to her. _He_ sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to break the news to her now.

But he didn't need to worry, because there was Shisui, who somehow was always the bearer of bad news, and fearlessly stood in Sakura's path out the door, coming out of nowhere, and grinned down at her with his too-sharp incisors promptly in view.

Sakura just growled at him too.

He held up his hands in a mean-no-harm gesture, like he was an innocent party in all this, and don't-shoot-the-messenger, and Sakura was calling so much BS on this right then that she. Couldn't. _Even_.

"Hate to break it to you, baby," Shisui started, eyes gleaming with unsaid promises, "but Mikoto got a call from your apartment complex not too long ago. Turns out, your apartment's flooded."

Sakura stopped listening. Naruto made incoherent sputtering noise that could be accommodated by death and pain. Sakura ignored him. Sasuke swiftly moved out of her range of fire.

"Something about there being a leak – a _big_ leak, of course, since it would take a lot of water to do this kind of damage–"

Castration. Asphyxiation. Beheading.

Really, there were just so many_ options_.

(Personally, she was a fan of castration.)

"Anyways, the point is–" Dear, _Kami_. Shisui was just getting so much pleasure from telling her this, she could tell. She was going to wipe that damn smirk off his face in such a pleasant way . . .

"–you don't have an apartment to go home to." Shisui rubbed his hands together and lowered his head in a manner that could have been seen as pityingly, but Sakura knew better than that – knew _him_ better than that – and saw it for what it really was: satisfaction.

"So Mikoto has made arrangements for you to live here for the time being."

Sakura's eye twitched.

She dropped Naruto suddenly, and gasping and choking sounds could be heard, but Sakura paid no mind to him.

Something in her face must have ticked Shisui off, because he suddenly lost the grin, just a little bit, and took a step back from her. And then another.

But like the moron he was, he kept on talking, like this was going to help things and prevent his loss of manhood in about five seconds. "They were able to save a few of your things, of course–" Whatever he was about to say was then cut off by a very girly scream – that did not actually come from her – as he sidestepped Sakura as she lunged at him.

Sakura twisted on her heels and grabbed a handful of Shisui's sweater and brought his face extremely close to hers. "_What did you do?_"

Shisui gulped, but Sakura already knew she wasn't going to get a good answer from him.

She wasn't stupid. Far from it, really, and that was how she knew that these men had something to do with this.

This was all their damn _fault_.

She had no doubt that her apartment was actually flooded. The Akatsuki and Uchihas didn't tell outright lies, no matter the situation. She had no doubt they received a call from her apartment complex telling them that she couldn't live there anymore due to water damage, just as easily as she knew there would be many, many more new and Uchiha related items for her the next time she visited the "guest" room Mikoto had given her.

What she also knew was that while this wasn't a lie, whether the water damage was actually due to the storm was still up for debate. In fact, Sakura would bet good money that the damned Akatsuki and Uchihas had more than a hand in it.

_Leak_, her ass.

It wouldn't surprise her to find that they took a pickaxe to make said leak, if there was ever a leak to begin with.

A very inhuman sound tore its way up and out of her throat, and now Shisui looked very, very frightened. Naruto and Sasuke were nowhere to be seen.

And then she heard the giggle.

Sakura turned her head to see Mikoto make her way through the throng of men in the opposite doorway – even going so far as to causally step over Madara, who was still out cold from where Itachi hit him – trying and failing to hide her own little Uchiha smirk. She held a delicate hand up to her face, trying to hide her face and look at Sakura with concern and pity.

Sakura felt a shiver race along her spine as everything clicked into place.

"Sakura, dearest," Mikoto began, a small giggle escaping her mouth again. "I heard what happened. Don't worry – I already took care of anything. You'll stay here with us–" She waved a hand around her, at the waiting Uchiha men, who all promptly smirked at her as their red eyes spun. "–and we'll just give you rides to the hospital and school when you need us to. We can always hire your own personal chauffer, of course, if it becomes necessary. But I highly doubt that; I'm sure none of us will mind helping you out in your time of need."

And then she giggled again.

Sakura began coughing again, though this time it wasn't because of her cold, but because she saw exactly how this had all played out, and for just a moment, she choked on her fear.

And then Sakura smiled daintily at Mikoto. Two could play at this game. "Actually, I just talked to Ino and she told me I could stay with her. She lives much closer to the hospital then you do and it would just be so _inconvenient_ for you to have to deal with my odd times of going to school and the hospital." Sakura grinned wider, her face feeling stretched and faded. "Thank you for the offer, though."

And then Sakura giggled.

Someone covered a laugh with a cough.

Mikoto did not look pleased, and Sakura could see the light in her eyes that told Sakura she wasn't going to let her go without a fight, and that was way Sakura finally let go of Shisui – who immediately began choking and coughing and basically attempting to get some oxygen to his brain, from which Sakura had to bite back the impulse to tell him it would do him no good anyways – and quickly grabbed both Naruto and Sasuke – both of whom had been hiding out in the corner of the room like they were Zetsu (who she still had no idea in hell where the bastard was) – and hightailed it to the garage, only yelling back thank-yous to Mikoto and something about hospitality and whatnot.

Sakura all but threw Sasuke and Naruto in the car and jumped in the driver's seat, putting it into reverse and hitting the pedal so hard they almost crashed into the still rising garage door.

It was still raining, but nowhere near as hard as before. Sakura turned to both Naruto and Sasuke, who were being uncharacteristically quiet next to her, barked at them to put their seatbelts on, and said, "You two and I are going to buy our own place." It was an order, not a question or offering.

Both morons blinked at her stupidly. Naruto even had his mouth open enough that Sakura half-expected a fly to crawl in. It would be something to happen to Naruto. "But . . . But Sakura-chan! The teme and I–"

"Have been whining and thinking about getting your own place for years," Sakura finished.

"What about Ino?" Sasuke asked, as timidly as his pride would allow.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "She'd let me stay with her, but I need to find a place quick, and I have a feeling your mother isn't going to let me go that easily. That's why we're all going to chip in and get a bigger place and live together. Your mother won't hunt me down if she knows I'm at least living with one Uchiha and you two can get away from those oppressing elders of yours."

Both Naruto and Sasuke were quiet for a moment, and Sakura growled once again. "You two _owe me_ for this stunt. This is how you're going to make it up to me. We all know that my apartment didn't just so happen to get flooded."

"It didn't?" Naruto asked, looking like a confused puppy, head tilted to the side and everything. Sasuke wacked him behind the head before Sakura could.

"Fine," Sasuke said. And Sakura smirked, just a little bit.

Naruto was jumping in his seat, straining against the seatbelt. "Oh, oh! DOES THIS MEAN WE CAN GET A DOGGIE!?"

Sasuke just glared at the dobe and tried to growl out a _Hell, no_, but Sakura interrupted him.

"Cat, dog, hamster – I don't care." She'd probably regret that later, but right then all she could think about was how fast they could find somewhere to live. It had to be close to the hospital, at the very least. "As long as it isn't slimy and doesn't stink up the place, I don't care. And _you_ have to take care of it, Naruto."

He was still jumping in his seat. "I want a golden retriever! We can name it The Ramennatter–"

"_No_," both Sakura and Sasuke said.

"Fine," Naruto grumbled. "But I still want a golden."

"Hn. As long as the walls are blue, I don't care."

"Teme! Blue's a stupid color! They need to be _orange_–"

Oh, dear Kami. What had she done?

* * *

Author's Note: So . . . the end? The end! Yeah, this is the last chapter for this story. HOWEVER, there may or may not be a sequel, where we get to see Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke all live together and who may or may not have unexpected visitors every once in a while (*_cough,cough_*) . . .

Whether or not there is a sequel depends on how much ya'll want one. I've noticed this story isn't getting a whole lot of attention or reviews/favorites the last few chapters (especially the last one) and so I wasn't sure if ya'll are just getting tired of it or what. Either way, I had a lot of fun writing this story, and I have another oneshot on the way, too. Even if I don't end up writing a sequel for this particular story, there will still be other stories I write. I like it far too much to stop now. ;]

_IF_ I did happen to write a sequel, you could expect a new (slightly insane, slightly retarded, and a lot overprotective of one pinkette) doggie, separate rooms for Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, a paint war that involves blue, orange, and some pink, some girlfriend loving that would for sure include Ino and possibly Karin, and we'd get to see just where the hell Zetsu has been all this time (the sneaky bastard). Haven't made up my mind yet. I have ideas, but nothing is actually written yet. We will see. ;}

Once more, if you haven't already, please check out my first standalone fic, _The One Left Standing_ by pressing my name, OfPaintAndOil at the top of this page and clicking the link. Thank you to everyone who has/will favorite and/or review this story! I'm obsessive about checking for reviews, and I can promise you I read them all and take what ya'll say to heart!

'Till next time!


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